The Mommy Blog™ | Adventures from the Wonderbelly of Motherhood™

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

OK, I’ll be totally honest with you (and answer Nicole’s question from her comment in the previous post):

I have no freaking idea where I find the time.

Really. I don’t know how I sleepwalk through my days. For instance? Today? I went to work nice and early—was there and making coffee by 8 a.m. I stopped at Posh for a bagel first, and just to give you an idea of how much of a hermit I’ve become, the staff just about fell over when I walked in, wanting to know where I’ve been for the last several months.

You see, I’ve gone there almost every single workday morning for ten and a half years (and yet, they still ask what kind of bagel I want—but that’s another story). I just could not begin work without my Everything bagel with honey cream cheese. Until last December, that is, when I realized that I did not have the time, or the appetite, or the energy to make the stop on the way into work.

The staff at this particular store has seen me through my twenties and part of my thirties. They have seen me swell with four pregnancies, and oohed and ahhed over each of my three children. Really, you’d think they’d remember that I ask for the same freaking bagel every freaking morning.

Anyway, this post is not about Posh and their Groundhog Day staff… it’s about… about… oh, yes. Me losing my mind. *pauses to jot that down*

Ahem. I am losing my mind! Seriously. Oh! I remember where I was going with this. I got to work all nice and early, clear-headed (and ready to kick some ass in my important and fulfilling job, yes, I know, Lee) and prepared to make a dent in my file review. And then I rememebered why I almost drove myself to the ER last night.

Guys, you can tune out for a bit. Go visit another blog and come back in five, ‘kay? I have been cramping and bleeding for five freaking weeks, and thought I was finally going to die last night. It’s really too bad I didn’t because I still have like forty-seven pages of tax return items, but I lived, and was still sore this morning. So I looked at my calendar to see when that appointment was again that the nurse had given me last week… and yes, it was still two weeks out. Sure, OK, NOT. I got on the horn and stayed there until the one doc with thirty spare seconds could promise me a look-see.

Anyone wanna venture a guess what an IUD can do to a body when it gets wedged where it shouldn’t be? Well, let’s just say that that little fucker won’t be giving anyone else a problem, capice? It’s sleeping with the fishes. Good thing I don’t need it anyway, given my impending status, but that is also a different story.

Back to losing my mind. As you can well imagine, my day was shot. Between curling up on my couch and whimpering my way through the morning, whistling and thumbing my way through US News and World Report or whatever the freak it’s called in the afternoon, I was a zombie by the time I returned to the office.

Let’s just say that it was a good thing I cut all the grant checks before I went to the doc’s. And let’s also say that the wires can wait for the morning. I didn’t want to wake up and wonder where I’d sent the funds intended for the World Wildlife Fund or the Fur Purries Neuter Clinic or whatever. I need my job so I can pay for therapy someday.

Anyway, when I finally gave up and went home at 6:30, I was welcomed by the sight of a freshly sodded lawn. Y’all may remember from the Q&A Photographic Review (over there in the photoblog on the left) that our front lawn has been dead for oh, about a year now. It is now covered in gorgeous, symmetrical, emerald green swaths. It is a thing of beauty.

Still, there is craziness waiting inside the house. As I walked in and set down my bag, I noticed two naked children and one fully clothed. The clothed child was soaking wet, and dancing on the slide. Later, after dinner, they were all treated to licorice, and just now, Gil came in to pass on this little gem, a quote from Dylan:

“Hey! I ate the piece of licorice, and I ate the rubber band!”

Like that. No logic. No explanation. How many of these hits can the human psyche take before it spins off into the stratosphere?

And, to make a long story even longer, the point I have been working up to all this time is this: I’m exhausted. I’m worn out. I have no bandwidth left for the smallest things. I have been a terrible IM friend. I have been hiding. I just can’t deal, folks, and you know I love you, but, man, I can’t string two happy sentences together lately. I’m not going anywhere, but I am keeping a low profile.

I just have to filter some of the outside world for a while, or I will be continuing this blog using a crayon and colorful construction paper. On the days they let me out of my straight jacket.

So, if you ping me and I don’t answer, I am either being my usual incompetent self with status messages, or I am weeping into my M&Ms and can’t chat, or I am curled into the fetal position under my desk. In any case, I will get back to you. Honest. Unless you have learned something from this post, get smart, and turn on your stealth settings…

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Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Me, Me, Me

I am officially a Secret Agent!! [cue Mission Impossible theme] Doesn’t it look just like me??? Wheeee!!

Secret Agent Josephine has come through with my emblem, and now I am ready to take my first assignment… Look out Gen! Brock may just have met his match…

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Memes

...dip. There. I Just can’t say “Nine Layers” without adding “dip.” Compulsive, much?

Anyway, saw this at Shylah’s and previously (tho not currently) at Joelle’s...

LAYER ONE:
—Name: Mindy.
—Birth date: Hmmmmmm, I don�t think so. Next you�ll want my SSN. OK!! This is for the fellow Leos: August 16.
—Birthplace: Dayton, OH.
—Current Location: San Jose, CA.
—Eye Color: Green.
—Hair Color: Dark blonde.
—Height: 5’9”
—Righty or Lefty: Righty.
—Zodiac Sign: Leo.

LAYER TWO:
—Your heritage: Scottish and English.
—The shoes you wore today: Red, stacked Dr. Scholl�s slides.
—Your weakness: M&Ms.
—Your fears: something happening to my children.
—Your perfect pizza: Pepperoni, mushroom & black olive. Upscale version: caramelized onions, garlic, brie & chicken.
—Goal you’d like to achieve: A happy childhood and superior education for my children, love and companionship for me.

LAYER THREE:
—Your most overused phrase on AIM: “heh”
—Your first waking thoughts: “What time is it?”
—Your best physical feature: My smile.
—Your most missed memory: Dinners at Chez Paul in Chicago with my parents and grandparents.

LAYER FOUR:
—Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke.
—McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonald�s.
—Single or group dates: Single.
—Adidas or Nike: Neither�I usually wear slides or clogs.
—Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton, if anything.
—Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
—Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee.

LAYER FIVE:
—Smoke: No.
—Cuss: To beat the band.
—Sing: Yes, but not well.
—Take a shower everyday: Oh, yes.
—Do you think you’ve been in love: Yes. But I never knew how deep it could be until I was all grown up.
—Want to go to college: Not since I got my degree!
—Liked high school: Liked the challenge, disliked the competition and the cliques.
—Want to get married: Maybe not again.
—Believe in yourself: One thousand percent.
—Get motion sickness: More now that I am older!
—Think you’re attractive: Objectively, yes.
—Think you’re a health freak: I am not a freak about anything.
—Get along with your parent(s): Yes.
—Like thunderstorms: LOVE them!
—Play an instrument: I used to play the piano, badly.

LAYER SIX: In the past month…
—Drank alcohol: Oh, yes.
—Smoked: No.
—Done a drug: Not an illegal drug, no.
—Made Out: No.
—Gone on a date: No.
—Gone to the mall?: No.
—Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Came very, very close.
—Eaten sushi: Yes!
—Been on stage: No.
—Been dumped: Technically, no. Not in the last month.
—Gone skating: No.
—Made homemade cookies: No, and that�s a crying shame.
—Dyed your hair: No. Not my thing.
—Stolen Anything: No. Not my thing.

LAYER SEVEN: Ever…
—Played a game that required removal of clothing: Heh. Yes.
—If so, was it mixed company: Heh. Yes.
—Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Mais oui.
—Been caught “doing something”: I can scarcely believe it, but no.
—Been called a tease: Never. If I mean it, I deliver.
—Gotten beaten up: Several times, but you should have seen the other guy.
—Shoplifted: Yes, as a child.
—Changed who you were to fit in: Not really.

LAYER EIGHT:
—Age you hope to be married: Again? Never. Is never good for you? Already did it at 21 and 24.
—Numbers and Names of Children: 3: Logan, Dylan, & Daphne.
—Describe your Dream Wedding: Is this a trick question? �Cause, no.
—How do you want to die: Suddenly and peacefully. Not screaming, and not wondering where my children are.
—Where you want to go to college: Started out at UC San Diego and finished up at UC Davis.
—What do you want to be when you grow up: I am grown up! And I am comfortable in my own skin, which is rare and precious.
—What country would you most like to visit: All of them.

LAYER NINE:
—Number of drugs taken illegally: 2.
—Number of people I could trust with my life: Honestly? I can name ten right off the bat. That feels awesome.
—Number of CDs that I own: Several dozen, give or take.
—Number of piercings: Two in each ear, but I only use one each.
—Number of tattoos: None yet.
—Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Once as a child, once in a wedding bann, and that�s about it.
—Number of scars on my body: I was a tomboy and have had 4 major surgeries. You don�t even want to know.
—Number of things in my past that I regret: Several, but I would not change them, as they led me to where I am today. I would not risk losing any of the precious things in my life for a minor adjustment. And at this point, it would all be minor.

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Monday, June 07, 2004

Fun With Referrals

These are some of the more sparkling phrases that have been employed to find my blog. I thought about commenting on each one, and then banished that thought, right quick.

And for the record? I don’t know which is funnier: the idea that these folks found me at all, or the fact that for each and every phrase I thought, “Oh. Yeah. I remember that post.”

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