TheMommyBlog

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 Family

Thanks for staying home today with three barfing children so I could come to work and finish this job on time.

I know you had that 3-hour training for your new consulting gig scheduled for a long time, and that you canceled it without even asking if I could cover.

I know that you had a babysitter lined up, and that I asked you to cancel her becaue she is seven months pregnant and brings her 5-year-old, and I didn’t want the three of them catching what our children have.

I also know that you cleaned up nine barfy messes between last night and this afternoon (well, I cleaned up one last night with my feet, and picked up a stray chunk this morning with my little toe), and you still seemed pretty cheerful as of 4 p.m.

And most importantly, I want you to know that I am not coming home until the floors are clean and there are fresh sheets on the bed. You have my number. Mwah.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 Workbits

WE DID IT!!! IT’S FINISHED! ONE HOUR AHEAD OF SCHEDULE!

I am just now printing out the 222-page draft grant attachment to our organizational tax return, the fruits of our labors over the last 6 months.

Three or four of us have been working like the dickens all month (and I’ve been slaving since January) to do the final compliance review on the 432 grant files that require special documentation for the IRS. That’s roughly 430 more than I look at in any given week, so you can imagine how I felt about taking it on after we laid off the position last year that used to do it. That would be the position I created 6 years ago because it was getting to be a full-time job for at least half the year.

This year, it wasn’t a full-time job for half the year; it was a 175%-time job for two months. You may have heard.

Last Fall, as head of the department I was Russian-volunteered passed the baton, and with not a little revamping of the database and some serious freaking training for the rest of the folks touching the data, we managed to shave six months off the process. Yes, I’m tooting my own fucking horn; you would too. Believe me.

OK, now I am going to pack my little report lovingly into a 3-ring binder, drive over to HQ, slow down to 30 mph, and hurl that puppy out my car window. And then I’ll go back to my office and phone my boss to let him know it’s done.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 Me, Me, Me

I just came back from the mail room to find my officemate and our beloved consultant doubled over in laugher. It seems that Cindy walked past my office and glimpsed my bright orange hoodie (think “Tangerine” from Eternal Sunshine on a Spotless Mind) draped over the back of my desk chair and thought it was MY ASS.

Let me describe this chair for you. The back is at least 18 inches wide and 18 high. Put an orange cover over it and that sucker looks HUGE. I cannot believe she thought it was me, bending over. Bitch. (And yes I know you read this blog.)

Actually, I worship our wonderful Cindy. She is the programming genius behind this huge project, and is the only reason we were able to manage the process in an organized, logical, and sane manner. With her skills and my ideas, there is no tax return we cannot… well. Let’s not go there.

A round of applause if you please. Cindy is largely responsible for my not holing up in a clock tower somewhere. One day, I will devote a post to her if she is amenable, because she has been my rock for 10 years now, and has lived through most of our important life events with me.

*wipes a tear and sighs in helpless admiration*

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 Weblogs

Atypical Female: International Blog Comment Week

What Gina said!

Comments Comments! Comments!

Wednesday, March 31, 2004 Weblogs

In preparing to accept the title of “La Connaisseuse des Culs – 2004” I did a little Googling for the obligatory sprinkling of bon mots. Alas, the results returned were all in French (those French have a different word for everything!), so it all sounded a bit dirty, with phrases like, “Voici pour votre plus grand plaisir” and “flageller des culs” and “elle voulait voir nos culs.”

So, curiosity piqued, I Googled La Connoisseur des Culs, and this time the results returned were decidedly more porn-y, with phrases like, “... and she is a ‘connoisseur’ ! Thanks Marilyn !” and [expunged] and especially [emphatically expunged].

In conclusion, I got nothin.’

I am not a bottomist, or a cataloger of arses, but I do see them several times a day, some of them naked in my own house, so I am a bit of an autodidact. I do pay attention, however, and have a great memory for casual comments, and can tell a lot about a person just by looking at him or her. You, for instance, have a very pronounced tendency to… well. Please write to me in private if you’d like the full analysis.

I am enormously grateful for the chance to have spent long, entertaining minutes at a stretch examining my fellow Bloggers’ Bottoms, something I would surely never have had the opportunity to do had there not been a dirty Glaswegian on my blogroll. Thank you, Zeno. The blogworld is a very much more [emphatically expunged] place with you in it.