TheMommyBlog

Sunday, January 27, 2008 Familybits, QOTD

“God is looking inside your pants right now.”
—Dylan

Wednesday, January 23, 2008 MomBlogNetwork.com, Familybits

Me: any chance you’re feeling jaunty enough to bring Dylan his DS and charger? Daphne doesn’t have mittens or a hat for Snow Day either.

And Logan deer-in-the-headlights Roberts doesn’t have a snack, although I put one out and asked him repeatedly whether he picked it up and put it in his bag. He said no but never looked in his bag. I searched the house thinking it’s in the flipping bag. It wasn’t.

When I asked why it was so hard to get a yes or no answer out of him, he said he was afraid I’d get mad. I said, “Look, I never get so mad that anybody dies.”

Yet.

Him: Go ahead, kill em. we’ve got nieces and nephews.

Ah, snow day. gloves and hats are such an easy thing to provide when you live in an area WHERE THERE’S ACTUALLY SNOW! I don’t think I have anything that fits anymore even if I could get it to her on time.

By the way, I just found a quote from Daphne and was going to put it on Pear Soup. Daphne and I were talking about how much we love each other and she said: “I love you more than 1000 centuries, more than anybody or anything like a bunny or something bigger than the whole world including China.”

Me: She keeps picking on China, like they’re the big, lumbering galoot that’s weighing the place down.

(BTW, this exchange occurred minutes after I posted this on MomBlogNetwork.com. Excellent.)

EX ETIQUETTE: Co-parenting requires communication

Tuesday, January 15, 2008 Familybits

My old pal Dew commented on the last post:

I feel a little let down; surely a post like that should be accompanied by a photo....

Well, Dew, you’re in luck. Today’s not much better:

Monday, January 14, 2008 Familybits

Don’t you just love that moment when you walk in the door and see the aftermath of the morning school rush?

Sunday, January 13, 2008 Familybits, QOTD

I can’t remember what Logan and I were talking about as we walked down the Capitola Pier this morning after breakfast, but at one point he said, “Mom, you’re one tough lady.”

“Well, you have to remember that I am a Chicago girl.”

“Yeah, and I’m a San Jose… never mind.”

Thursday, January 10, 2008 Familybits, QOTD

I drove over to my ex’s tonight to drop off a two-inch by three-inch piece of paper with the definition of a river on it that absolutely had to be turned into class in the morning. If you’ve ever seen my house, you’ll join me in amazement that I ever found the thing in the first place. I’d seen it briefly the night before while I confirmed that the San Joaquin River did, in fact, empty into the Bay, and then spelled Mr. Phoenix’s name for him.

Anyway, dinner was mid-prep and the kids swarmed me as if they hadn’t seen me just that morning, telling me about their days: Daphne had arranged a play date with a neighbor and said that the mom would send an email confirming said play date (that just slayed me), Dylan got to share his new Super Mario game with his best friend at after school care, and Logan caught the most improbable interception, ever. When I told Dylan that he didn’t even know how much I wanted to borrow his Nintendo DS to play Brain Age, he looked at me, then at his game, and at me again, well and truly torn. I sighed, “I may just get my own DS, then!”

Logan was aghast. “Dad! Mom’s getting a DS! If SHE gets one, how come I don’t get one? I don’t even get an allowance! I can’t even do chores!”

I wanted to kick him. “You don’t get an allowance because there hasn’t been a week in which you’ve done chores in recent memory. I have a list and a chart right there on the fridge. Dive in, and we’ll talk.”

All that time, Daphne was sitting on my foot, hugging my leg as I stood in the doorway to the garage. After the last replay of the interception, I asked my ex if he wouldn’t mind peeling his daughter off my leg so I could go home.

Dylan shouted, “I’ll do it!” and proceeded to remove her shoulder from the socket. Daphne wailed, I begged Dad to pick her up and do something, Dylan stared at the floor while I explained that not only was I not talking to him when I asked for help, but he’d pulled on her sore hand, showing him the cracked, dry, bleeding patch we’ve been nursing along with eczema cream.

After 45369812687 more goodbyes and feverish hugs, I made it to the car while the boys directed me out of the driveway by standing right behind the trunk, waving for me to back up. Jesus wept.

And then Dylan came running alongside the passenger window, waving for me to open it. “I just wanted one more hug.”

I opened my door and pulled him halfway into my lap.

“You’re the best mom a boy could ever have,” he mumbled into my shoulder.

“You’re the best son, baby, and soon you’re be the best brother. You just need to learn to be gentle with your sister.”

“Okay.”

Logan sauntered up as we smiled and rubbed noses and asked brightly, “So, are you having fun making out?”

Tuesday, January 08, 2008 Familybits

That was Daphne’s response to me as I kissed her goodnight just now. I’m still laughing.

And Dylan is making me nuts with that ad over there on the right. “Does this mean we get a wii?”

“No.”

“Why does it say wii then?”

“Because they paid to have an ad there.”

“So are they going to pay us with a wii?”

“No.”

“No fair.”

“Right.”

Friday, January 04, 2008 Familybits

I can’t even speak about this without crying right now… stick around for the end and you’ll see why it means so much to me…

Mike Mette Defense Fund Home

Thursday, January 03, 2008 Familybits, Fun Finds

They just didn’t get with the program. I wonder if it’s too late to save my own offspring.

[via]

Monday, December 31, 2007 Our Holiday Curse, Familybits

The Northfields: Happy new year! Hope your new year is great (and i hope the wee ones are doing well), or at least better. xxx.

Me: They are great! we just saw the water horse. Lovely country (and accents). Happy new year!

This year the curse only spanned seven days:

Dec. 23: sprained neck while roller skating

Dec. 26: doctor sends me to emergency to check for broken bones in my neck. All three children come with me because Gil is in CO, Phil is in NY, and parents are in Italy

Dec. 27: Daphne spends twelve hours throwing up while I hold her; ends with last-ditch suppository solution

Dec. 28-30: all children have stomach flu in turn, I get to shove pellets up three bums

Dec. 30: Gil’s plane delayed 12 hours - an agony when you’ve had the week I’ve had and were looking forward to being free by noon.

Phil’s plane due in SF at the same time Gil’s is due in SJ, have to drive all the children to SF an hour away to get Phil. Gil can get himself home. And I am clinging to these last three hours of dwindling sanity, hoping I’ll be up for a sip of Perrier-Jouet at midnight.

Kiss everyone for me! xxx

Sunday, December 30, 2007 Familybits

“I wish you more for the New Year than words can express,
Peace of mind and rest of your body,
Supreme satisfaction in your personal life, and in your work.
Much joy and some happiness snatched from a mad and bloodthirsty world.”
- Emma Goldman 1939

Received in an email tonight from Marilyn Clement, National Coordinator, Healthcare-NOW, http://www.healthcare-now.org.

Fabulous stuff. Happy New Year, everyone.

Sunday, December 30, 2007 Familybits

from: Melinda
to: Marie-Helene
date: Dec 30, 2007 3:43 AM
subject: Re: dylan

Oh, Marie,

I can’t believe I let everyone come over yesterday. Dylan’s got the flu now… I’m covered in pizza! Spray Lysol everywhere and scrub down the Nintendo!! I’m so so so sorry…

m

Really, how stupid can I be? The automatic response to a play date invitation is not an automatic “yes.” Or, in my case, “Are they there yet?”

Um, I should also cancel dinner and the sleep over we planned for tonight.

*switches back to Gmail*

Update: Just watched Inspector Gadget with the kids… I had a Lean Cuisine, Daphne had a TV dinner, and Logan and Dylan sipped sodas, as they haven’t been able to eat all day. They’re in the bath now and I expect them to go to sleep soon.

Only one more bout of sickness from Dylan this afternoon, so the suppositories must have worked. I had to touch three more bottoms in an intimate way than I would have liked today, but all agree that it was far less unpleasant than continuous vomiting. Roll on 2008!

Saturday, December 29, 2007 Familybits

It’s only 7:58 a.m. and already seventeen conversations have gone along these lines:

“WHAT… is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

“… I know how to spell ‘Mississippi.’”

Even Daphne, who didn’t even see the movie but is already steeped in its lore, said, “And what about the knight who gets his arms and legs cut off and he’s still yelling at Arthur to come back and fight like a man? Wouldn’t it be funny if he said ‘Come back and fight like a chef?’ Ahahahaha! That would be stupid.”

I don’t write the jokes, people, I just relay them.

I finally got out of bed and came out here when Daphne crawled on me and said, “Okay, Mama, I’m coming back into your tummy and I’m all grown. Hold still. This will only hurt a ton.” She’s definitely feeling better.

This prompted Dylan to ask if he was the only one who came out of my tummy. I replied, “No, you were the only one who didn’t come out of my tummy. Remember, Logan and Daphne were born through c-section.”

“Yeah, you were born through her vagina,” Logan offered, while I winced. “Maybe that’s why he got sick—no offense, Mom.”

Thank you. We’ll be here all week.

Friday, December 28, 2007 Our Holiday Curse, Familybits

Finally, finally, all three children are unconscious. Only one had to be drugged, but I had a prescription for that.

Daphne threw up at least ten times today during at least two dozen attempts over a twelve hour period. She was miserable, and I was by her side constantly, running to the toilet with her every time she began to cry, holding back her hair and supporting her weight.

“This is the worst day of my life!”

“I know, honey, it’s awful being this sick.”

“I already prayed to God to make me better so I don’t have to throw up anymore.”

“Oh, hon, I don’t think there’s anything to be done; your body has to fight it off and beat the virus by itself.”

“You mean He can’t help?”

“I don’t know hon, there are only so many things he can attend to at once.”

“I hate this day.”

Finally, I called the pediatrician, who laughed and laughed as I told him that I’d been skipping pain meds in case he needed me to bring her in. You know, the ones I’m supposed to be taking for my neck injury. The very thought of me with three kids in the ER last night had him giggling—after he gave me advice for Daphne, of course, but he’s read my book and knows a good story when he hears it.

This is how sick she was: she said that she was so glad I called Dr. Mike, because then I could give her something that might stop her tummy hurting, even if it has to go up her bottom, and she couldn’t wait to go to sleep so that the day could be over with. Her pale little face, with the sticky bangs held back in one of my old clips, alligator jammies, bare feet, and earnest little arms held tight around my neck.

I tucked her into my bed with her Fur Berry and thought she’d be okay, but she came out fifteen minutes later clutching her tummy and crying, “Mama, make it stop!”

“Baby, I can’t make it stop. We’ve started the medicine and all we can do is wait. I’m so sorry I can’t take the hurt away.”

She climbed up into my lap. “Just try your best, okay, Mama?”

And so I held her tight as she fell asleep.

Friday, December 28, 2007 Bad Mood Dude, Familybits

Lots of holding back hair!

That, and “Mom, can you finish the Rubick’s cube for me?”