TheMommyBlog

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 Haiku Smackdown, Family

Nothing more fun than picking up your child from Dad’s at seven pm and hearing that he left his homework at a friend’s and still has a two-page story to write before bedtime. There wasn’t much else to do while sitting there for ages, prompting and spelling and answering questions; the haiku could not be caged.

I love you so much,
Mama! You’re the best mom in
the whole universe!

Mantra of my kids
uttered so many times a
day, it tends to numb.

Yummy numbness warms
and folds around us like a
snugly, red blanket.

Contrasts sharply with
grind of “Do your homework!”
“Get out of the bath!”

“Stop hitting right now
or no more Wii for a month!”
Kids’ mouths fall open.

“Betcha didn’t see
that one coming, Smartypants.
Suck it up, baby.”

“Wait—don’t tell me—you
left your homework in one place,
bag in another.”

“No, Mommy doesn’t
mind going back to get them,
and then I will drink.”

Wednesday, June 21, 2006 Our Holiday Curse, Haiku Smackdown, Family

On a scale of one to happy, I’d have to rate today a total fucking overload. I have residual blank stare and carpal tunnel pain from all those hours of working on the computer during live meetings across thee time zones. When you have muscular forearms like I do (the beach is *that* way) you’re constantly leaning on those muscles as you mouse and type. I have to watch that, because I don’t want to wind up like my mom (and grandfather), having to have carpal tunnel surgery.

On that topic, mom’s surgery went well on Monday, though not without the usual hiccups that seem to be part of our family tradition (for those who eschew the term “curse”); while taking out a segment of radius that healed poorly after a bad break twenty-five years ago, shaving it to a straight end, inserting a graft in its place, and screwing in a titanium plate to hold it all together, the surgeon’s screwdriver tip BROKE OFF and lodged in her wrist bone. They got it out (and all the shards, I hope), but since the screw was now stripped, they had to drill the screw in. If you know what that entails, please do not tell me.

She is at home and resting… no, she isn’t. That would be a normal person. She went to work for a couple of hours yesterday, and is there again all day today, interviewing candidates to replace her at the end of the year. I can understand her motivation, but good gravy, woman, REST! I’m a wreck thinking about you in a conference room all day, skimping on pain meds to stay alert.

All of which is a nice book-end to the start of Father’s Day weekend.

However, I always cheer up when I find things like what I’ve pasted into the extended entry. It’s an excerpt from the comments on a post in which I wrote a haiku nearly two and a half years ago. It started off a dog pile of ‘kus, sort of a tribute to the legendary Haiku Smackdowns and the very first one I hosted here. Kal in Scotland and Amber and Len in Belgium had a head start while I was still asleep. Somewhere, I have the transcript of the first time I hosted, when there was a brawl, someone got thrown out of the Smackdown, people left in protest, the server quit and we had to move it all to another place on the blog to keep it going, and everyone pretty much left my site looking like a smoking hole in the ground when it was all over.

If I find that I’ll post it; it must be somewhere with the rest of the Hall of Haiku archives. For those who are unfamiliar with the Smackdown, it was originally hosted by Chris of Rude Cactus, Amy of Amalah, and Colleen of… where did she go? I can’t find her anywhere! Anyway, the host would select up to a half-dozen really odd/creepy/funny pictures and post them at midnight on Wednesdays. All day Thursday the photos were the theme, and we’d show off our mad haiku skillz. Sometime if you were quick you could get one per minute up and hog a whole string of entries. Ah, good times. I’m sorry it faded away.

Saturday, February 12, 2005 Haiku Smackdown

jMom had a great idea this morning and it sure didn’t help that I was listening to “Thomas Comes to Breakfast” right next to my desk when I read her email…

Hi, Mindy: Do you take haiku hoedown requests? Was watching Thomas Train this morning with my daughter and Sir Topam Hat indeed looks like something sinister out of Dickens ...  and yet he is also ridiculous.

Ya think? Naaaaaah. I know Jilbur has a special thing for him, though. So here’s your weekend assignment:

Thomas the Tank Engine Takedown!

Naughty Diesel is
well-known for the secret toy
stash in his tender.

Monday, January 03, 2005 Haiku Smackdown

I have really missed the Haiku Smackdown ever since its untimely, and I must say, mysterious demise over the summer. But hark! I hear a call in the distance… it’s a company email!!

Thursday, July 01, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

It’s time once again
for the big Haiku Smackdown!
Show us your stuff, yo.

Thursday, June 24, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

I almost forgot to pimp the Smackdown! Get on over there and ‘ku, man!

Wednesday, May 26, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

I am honored to be selected as the first Haiku Grandmaster outside of the Judith Light Brigade to host the Thurday Haiku Smackdown!

This week’s smackdown is taking place at The Dojo, a little site I whipped up especially for the occasion. Come on over, limber up, and show us your stuff, yo!

Tuesday, May 11, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

Those of you who have been following from home and know that the Thursday Haiku Smackdown is traditionally hosted from the East Coast will recognize the gravity of my situation. I have been having tremors and night sweats all week knowing what is looming ahead, but have finally worked up the nerve to say this out loud:

I will be at “Take Our Children to Work Day” this Thursday until 4:30 EST.

Hmmm. Not bad. Let’s try that again, but with a little more effort:

I will be at “Take Our Children to Work Day” until 4:30 EST this Thursday.

Still not happy with that. Say it like you mean it, girl!

I will be at “Take Our Children to Work Day”... until a massively dire emergency arises that can only be resolved BY ME, from MY office computer, behind closed doors, with shades drawn and phones forwarded!!!

The horrors! The DTs! How in the name of little green apples will I resist muscling my way with a ululating yell past the teachers and frightened children of the Community School of Music and Arts, where the festivities are to be held (um, do I WORK there? Noooo.), and taking over the Director’s computer with a snappy reminder that we helped fund their new building… ?

Friday, May 07, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

O desolation!
Having craptacular luck
with my computer!

First I spent hours
creating faboo race car
party licenses.

Then my hard drive ate
the file. No, really. It did.
Poof! Sucked into void.

Could not bring self to
start it all over and turned
to Smackdown for calm.

Felt calm washing o’er
me as I read… hey! Here’s an
idea! Make archives!

Thought it would be cool
to have a page for all my
haiku progeny!

Got busy cutting
and pasting. Holy shit, that’s
a lot of haikus.

One hundred sixty
seven pages? No problem.
Will edit them down.

How many could there
be of mine anyway? Meh.
Ooof. There ARE a lot.

Oh well, it’s midnight;
I have nowhere to be. Scroll,
cut, scroll, cut, scroll, cut.

Seven thousand ‘kus
later, ERROR! Some C+
shit I’ve never seen.

Thank dog for Word’s cool
autorecovery deal.
There it is! Woohoo!

Wait—runtime error?
No recovery thingy?
No! Don’t close! Wait up!

Maybe if I do
it again and again, the
result will differ.

Nope. Click. Nope. Click.
As a guy Gil used to room
with said: “Shit. Fuck. Twice.”

What a suckular,
craptalistically vile
way to spend three hours.

Thursday, May 06, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

Do NOT pass Go; do NOT collect yourselves. Go right on over to Amalah’s for some

good

clean

metrically correct ‘kuing! (The pics this week are fab. The kind of fab that made me start in at 3 a.m.)

It’s time once again
for the big Haiku Smackdown!
Show us your stuff, yo.

Thursday, April 29, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

It’s time once again
for the big Haiku Smackdown!
Show us your stuff, yo.

I’m flying all day
but stopping in Denver to
pick up ‘ku fodder.

Lee, Lee, Lee. Did you
think you would have to face me
after your guest stint?

UPDATE: Can I just say that this week’s Smackdown is one of the funniest things I have read, EVAH??? I sat in the Denver aiport for HOURS, laughing my fool head off.

I am home safe and sound now; more about why I had do much time on my hands later… right now, it’s time for Mommy Scrum!!!

Friday, April 23, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

I know I said I was going out of town (and I did), but I just had to pop back for a moment to hang my new trophy!!! I am the proud owner of the highly-coveted Haiku Smackdown Grand Master Crown Banner Thingie That Sort Of Reminds Amalah Of A Toilet!! I was the Week Seven Grand Master! There was some awsome ‘kuing going on, and the competition and interaction was especially intense.

I am not sure I have ever been so happy. *sniff*

And just an aside, so you can understand netter how totally jazzed I was to have good news tonight: I just came back from dinner. In Chinatown. At a dim sum place. I went with a friend, and we had no clue where we were or what we were doing. So it’s 7:30 on a Friday night, and we’re the only people in the place. Two people in the whole restaurant, and we’re both white. Not a good sign. In fact, we surprised the hostess in the middle of a snack.

So, we ordered two dishes, and they got one of them wrong. Understandable, really, I mean, TWO dishes at the same time. And I asked for water, so I can understand the confusion.

Anyway, as we sat there tanning under the bazillion and one sparkling flourescent light fixtures, we became aware of the overly loud muzak being piped into the dining room. What follows is a sampling of the playlist. In a dim sum restaurant. In Chinatown.

The Blue Danube
Carmen
Greensleeves
Ode to Joy
The William Tell Overture
The Wedding March

I thankyew.

Thursday, April 22, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

It’s time once again
for the big Haiku Smackdown!
Show us your stuff, yo.

Thursday, April 15, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

Haiku as cure-all;
Think I’ll market that concept.
It worked for me!

Man, I have been having WAY too much fun over at the Haiku Smackdown. I left 30 little ‘kus over there today and will check in later to see who this week’s grand champion is!

In the meantime, I am re-posting mine here, along with the photos that inspired them. As you can see, I got a little stuck on the one photo and just couldn’t leave it alone…

Thursday, April 15, 2004 Haiku Smackdown

Turns out I am good
at more than just beating up
on my poor husband.

Come to Rude Cactus
for the big Haiku Smackdown.
Show us your stuff, yo.