The Mommy Blog | Adventures from the Wonderbelly of Motherhood

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I am waaaay too pooped to write about the last couple of very eventful days in Provo with BYUTV. I will say that theirs is a first-rate operation, thorough, thoughtful, efficient, helpful, detailed, and a whole lotta fun. First class all the way. THANK YOU.

Had a blast meeting Daphne of Cool Mom (we’ve been on Momversation.com for a year together but this was the first time we’ve been in the same room!), Kadi of Girly Gazette, and Jennie of Bee Hive and Bird’s Nest, and of course, our lovely host, Rebecca Cressman.

Having said that, I will present the rest of the update with my Twitter timeline. No, really, s’funny.

Actually uttered the words junk hole talking to a total stranger about Mormon garments on the flight to Salt Lake. Thank you, #mooshinindy
Feb. 24

Salt Lake: Just got into a new hybrid, couldn’t figure out key. Why? No key. Just shove the remote in. Those younguns.
Feb. 23

Warming some sort of cockles knowing that the weekly Realtor tour is stampeding through my house. Also? I’m at BYU. Which is more unnerving?
Feb 23

Taking whitebread to a whole new level in Provo. White toast, waffles, muffins, rolls, yogurt.
Feb. 24

Venturing out to the wilds of Provo to see Bridal Veil Falls. Heck, it’s only four miles away from the hotel.
about 24 hours ago

Omg. Provo Canyon? Is a CANYON.
about 23 hours ago

I feel like I’m driving on a piece of floss between huge craggy molars and I might bump into the sides of the Canyon.
about 23 hours ago

Crap. I haven’t fishtailed like that in YEARS. Prius? You suck on snowy roads and your traction is for shit.
about 23 hours ago

What a surprise: Bridal Falls is not in season. I saw a sign, no stopping until April 1 as I slid past.
about 23 hours ago

Driving now. Shush.
about 23 hours ago

Holy crap the roads are tough here. My Prius keeps flashing a warning picture with squiggly lines. YES, I KNOW.
about 23 hours ago

That’s it. I am going back to the hotel for a movie in bed. I pulled over just to tell you that.
about 23 hours ago

Strip mall: a laundromat. Think I’ll launder my shorts. Prkd by pizza buffet, $1 store, Armed Forces recruiting office.
about 23 hours ago

Wow, thought that was going to be a nature drive. Instead I was scribbling my last wishes on the flippin Hertz envelope.
about 22 hours ago

A Hwy Patrol passed me while I tried to get out of slush. I thought he’d stop. Was prob tweeting his friends. *snicker*
about 22 hours ago

All dressed and ready for the studio an hour early. Crap. At least am modest. In dress, in dress.
about 20 hours ago

Here at BYUTV with #digitalkadi. She is a better blogger than I am. Got on the network but I can’t with netbook or iPod. #FAIL
about 19 hours ago

@byutv Yes. We’re here waiting on makeup and wardrobe. They’re taking me as I walked off the street, so be it. Shedding on my black sweater.
about 18 hours ago via web in reply to byutv

Just filmed segment with #coolmom who was a scream. Taking a big risk putting us on a couch together.
about 15 hours ago

Just had a Leslie Nielsen moment in the john with mike still on. Very hard to pee with two mikes on your belt. #PEEFAIL
about 15 hours ago

Uuuuuunnnnggghhhyawnghhh
about 5 hours ago

At gate, starbucks in hand. Ran like hell. Who could have predicted sleet? Grateful for an ice scraper in the rental.
about 4 hours ago

And SCENE.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Other people who write

Babble’s Top 50 Mommy Bloggers - BABBLE BEST

Mommy bloggers make a difference. Sometimes it’s their confessional tone that helps you feel like you’re not the only one, sometimes their simple honesty puts you at ease, and sometimes they’re so funny, you almost snarf your protein shake. There are the bloggers we relate to and there are others we watch like a train wreck, but no matter where we’re coming from, we’re all part of the same overwhelming, magical situation.

That’s why we’re dedicating the inaugural Babble Top 50 list to those who know best: moms. Babble staff and contributors compiled our top mommy-blogger picks based on the following criteria: most controversial, funniest, most confessional, best design, most useful and best written (though we left off Babble’s own mommy bloggers because, as with our own kids, we couldn’t possibly pick a favorite). These are our picks, but we’re sure you’ll have something to say on the matter, too.
— The Babble Editors

Monday, October 05, 2009

Other people who write, Business, Family, News

Say it with me: FTC!

*jump splits*

Here’s the short clip on CBS News 5 with Kiet Do that aired at eleven tonight. Props to Jim Flanagan for mad camera skilz and sense of humor. : )

Oh, you want to know why? The Federal Trade Commission did something this week that affects each one of you so listen up:

The Federal Trade Commission today announced that it has approved final revisions to the guidance it gives to advertisers on how to keep their endorsement and testimonial ads in line with the FTC Act.

The notice incorporates several changes to the FTC’s Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising, which address endorsements by consumers, experts, organizations, and celebrities, as well as the disclosure of important connections between advertisers and endorsers. The Guides were last updated in 1980.

Under the revised Guides, advertisements that feature a consumer and convey his or her experience with a product or service as typical when that is not the case will be required to clearly disclose the results that consumers can generally expect. In contrast to the 1980 version of the Guides – which allowed advertisers to describe unusual results in a testimonial as long as they included a disclaimer such as “results not typical” – the revised Guides no longer contain this safe harbor.

That means, no more small print on the bottom of the screen that blends with the room’s carpet: “Results not typical.” Anyone who receives any consideration whatsoever from a company as a basis for a product review must be disclosed to the extent we haven’t seen since the debut of Happy Fun Ball.

I personally do not accept payment for any review, I do not officially do reviews. I have put a disclaimer on this site and instructions on my contact page about what I may or may not do because people will send me things whether I want them or not. These people are paid to throw mud on the wall, and in this particular demographic, over forty soccer mom with kids and a credit card and reasonable vocabulary, we are the golden children. They will eventually move on to a more profitable and interesting demographic, but for now, we are it and we owe it to our readers to be transparent and truthful.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Other people who write, Fun

Finally have all my equipment in one place and can post a few more pics and hopefully video from the trip to Sony Pictures in L.A. In the meantime, here’s mah posse, the Sony Mom Team. Strange, but I really miss them. Not every day when a group like this bonds so well.

Monica Villa www.TheOnlineMom.com
Amy Clark www.MomAdvice.com
Beth Blecherman www.TechMamas.com
Darcy Cruwys www.MommyPie.wordpress.com
Kimberley Blaine www.TheGoToMom.TV
Kristina Sauerwein www.MOMformation.com (on BabyCenter.com)
Karent Bodkin www.KarenSugarpants.com
Alli Worthington www.MrsFussypants.com
Mindy Roberts www.TheMommyBlog.net

Monday, September 14, 2009

Me, Me, Me, Other people who write, Family, Entertainment

So I arrived home Saturday night from Los Angeles, ready to collect the children from their dad’s Sunday morning. Order of business: get meds, allow brain chemistry to restore prior settings, collect children, hang out. Instead, I picked up only two, left the third still having a sleep over at dad’s, took one immediately to a playdate and the other to my house for thirty minutes and then to a playdate with the sleepover playdate’s brother. Why that needed two parents and four trips is beyond me, but then what isn’t, these days?

Am totally exhausted, but learned a ton this weekend from Sony Pictures and Sony Electronics. We had two intensive days of photography and video workshops, followed by places in the paparazzi pen at the red carpet premiere of “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs,” one of our family’s favorite books. I had no idea how they were going to make that wonderful though relatively short story into a full blown feature, but they did a stellar job. They worked on it for five years, so I suppose IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD. We had a chance to interview some of the stars Friday before watching the movie with a thousand of our closest friends at the Mann Theater in Hollywood.

Sony sent us home with some lovely gifts, including the HD Handycam HDR-CX100 and the Cybershot Exmor DSC-TX1. We also received instruction on the Alpha A380 DSLR, but had to leave them behind, following the Drug Dealer’s Credo: the first rock is always free; after that you’re on your own.” Tons of photos on Flickr from the Sony Mom group, practicing all over the Sony Pictures Lot and the W hotel where we were twice the age of everyone there.

Can I just say that we totally fell in love with the directors of CWACOM? They are like twelve years old and we wanted to just eat them up, but that would have been insulting to a couple of guys who have accomplished more before thirty than many before fifty, what with that side project, “How I Met Your Mother” and all. We had a blast talking with them, and heard that we were the most fun of all the interviews. They had each group in separate rooms at the Four Seasons and rotate the actors and directors through the rooms for fifteen minute interviews. I have no idea how long we went over, but we would not let them leave. It must have been okay, from the tweets we saw later from Philip Lord: “you guys were the hit of the premiere/the junket/our weekend. Warm wishes & let us know your readers’ reax 2 flik” and “mommies have mad internet reach y’all; follow @TheOnlineMom @TheMommyBlog @TheGoToMom @sourwine @EZF_MomBloggers or be left behind.”

Anyway, after so many days of holding equipment to my face and walking in high heels for an entire day all glammed up for the red carpet, I am WRECKED. Thrilled, but wrecked.

Oh, before I forget, I have a Public Service Announcement: PR people? If you are going to send perishables by Fedex, please be sure there will be someone in town to accept deliver. Thanks so much.

When I came home there was a box out front, a PR package from Gorton’s fish. It was full of exciting, new Gorton’s fish products, packed in what used to be dry ice. I’m sure it had been in the 100 degree heat for a day or two by the time I opened it and was hit by the wall of stench. So, basically, I went from chatting with iCarly’s Miranda Cosgrove and snapping closeups of James Caan from the paparazzi pen to clearing out rotting fish left on my doorstep. SO LIKE MOTHERHOOD TO DISH UP THE JUXTAPOSITION.

I don’t have all the cords I need to transfer the video, they are in the box being shipped for me from the event. Lots of good stuff, including Mr. T talking about how boys should love their mothers, James Caan deftly steering his wife and kids clear of the rabid mommy bloggers at the end of the red carpet, Miranda Cosgrove saying hello to my daughter on camera, and the directors, Chris Miller and Philip Lord saying what fans they were of a friend of mine who loves “How I Met…” Hilarious. “Hi! We like you too! We suited up for you!”
Anna Faris was amazing, so down to earth, was a geek at heart, loved insects as a child, and completely won me over. Bill Heder slayed me with the stories about the Dateline NBC guy he’s parodied on SNL. He said he and his wife would just be sitting around on Sundays, watching the show and marveling at how the host could drag a five minute story out for two hours. Then I watched the SNL clips. The guy is seriously funny, though a little scared he’s going to get into an elevator with him at 30 Rockefeller. And Neil Patrick Harris, well, I can’t say how funny and friendly he is.

OK! Off to film for Johnson & Johnson’s Baby Channel, twice, and then ABC New Now later on. Oh, and laundry and school runs. And lord know what else, but if I owe anyone anything out there and you haven’t received what I promised, lemme know. I need a kick in the pants.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Me, Me, Me, Other people who write, Social Communities and Groups, Technology

If the name fits… ahahahaha! At first I typed “bane.” Lord help me.

I’m speaking on a panel with the ever lovely Beth Blecherman of TechMamas and Silicon Valley Moms Group at the Chicks Who Click conference in Palo Alto tomorrow!

Overview
We are Chicks who Click—Minds that are creative, connected and looking to collaborate – with dynamic women- to be the best in our fields through social media. Chicks Who Click not only know tools such as blogging, social networks, conversations and communities, but understand the smartest ways to use them to achieve personal and career goals. We are also educating our communities on the importance of encouraging girls and young women to pursue careers in technology.

At every Chicks Who Click event, we will share how to make your relationships count, we will empower you to use your social toolbox and we will help you refine your personal brand.

What
A one-day Social Media Conference for Women incorporating networking, education and empowerment with like-minded women, achieving great heights in the area of Social Media.

Who
Chicks who Click is a community of women that are growing and flourishing through Social Media. Our vision was to create a conference, a think tank, if you will, for women to come together to listen, teach, experiment and connect with like-minded women face to face, stay connected through Twitter, Blogging, Facebook or Flickr, and to empower each other in achieving great heights in our careers and journeys; and lastly, to collaborate our efforts as women in the male-dominated field of technology.

Visit Us Online!
Follow Denise Smith on Twitter @Deetells
Become a fan on Facebook!
Follow the Conference on Twitter at #CWC09
Read our Blog at chickswhoclickblog.net

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Me, Me, Me, Other people who write, Bad Mood Dude, BlogHer, Giveaways, News

The Momversation blog had a post that really hit home with me today, partially because although I’ve dropped off the BlogHer and Other Major Social Groups RADAR in the last few years due to overwhelm, I’m constantly inundated with PR requests, and partially because I am really starting to get irritated with the state of things.

Too many people are getting into blogging as if it were some sort of Amway. It’s not something to jump into while it’s hot so you can collect freebies and get paid to parrot. Blogging is something else entirely. What some people are doing now is the online equivalent of infomercials, hundreds of thousands of mini-Roncos. If all those products truly worked miracles, don’t you think we’d be able to get them at Target? The source becomes distrusted, worthless. And the rest of us are dragged down by association.

I’m thrilled about the Blog With Integrity movement and was on it in a hot second, but in truth I’m a little sad that we need it. I hate that people ask what I rake in (nearly nothing) and what PR folks send to me (you just would not believe it) and wonder how they can get in on it. I want to say, “Plastics” and go refill my drink.

Here’s the gist of the post and my response:

The “mommy blogger” backlash hit the front page of CNN.com today, as the PR Blackout Challenge and Blog With Integrity campaigns hit the mainstream media. If you’re not aware, some mommy bloggers are under fire for taking money and/or free merchandise for recommending products and services. It’s causing some people to question the ethics and truthfulness of the moms who are blogging today. But according to the CNN article, some mom bloggers might just be overwhelmed with offers…

I just love how they slapped a screenshot of my site on the front page. Just hope people associate me with the Integrity group, not the Gimme group. I’ve worked too hard for too long to let anything external affect the moral stand I take on reviews. I will not take money, period, and if you send me something, there is no guarantee I will get past the note in the box. It’s so much work just looking at it, and the small percentage of items I do mention only make it here if those things have become part of my daily life.

In fairness, when there is something really cool offered as a giveaway, I’m on it. I don’t endorse anything, just report and reward. I have some great gift cards on my desk I’ve got to give away, and even that is making me hesitate because of all the hoopla. I’m not compromising integrity when I give things away, but it is still doing something I wouldn’t have spontaneously done on my own, and that is the crux of the biscuit. It’s my acid test. Even the legit stuff makes me jumpy. Too many people are doing things for the wrong reason (and calling their sites every possible variation on “The Mommy Blog” but that is a whole other rant). We’re all being spattered with the mud. It’s not a nice feeling.

Anyway. My comment:

I totally didn’t connect the blackout with all the PR requests in my inbox, that’s how scattered and overwhelmed I am. Nice! Now I’m just glad there’s a reason I can ignore them for a week.

I have literally stacks of things, mostly books, next to my desk that have been sent to me, and they are jamming up my life like you wouldn’t believe. Have to state a bit more strongly that I do not guarantee anything in the least, and the only stuff that gets mentioned is the stuff that thrills me and then only in the context of my life, writing as I normally do.

I’m sorry we’ve become saturated with gimme bloggers, and I get too many requests for help “getting started” or “succeeding” to hope that it will die down soon. Those of us who have been doing this forever with no anticipation of readership much less free stuff sort of feel like the guys who made it to Cooperstown before everyone started using steroids. The measurements are all off and the wacky surges have made the old numbers meaningless.

Then again I could be full of shit.

That last bit is what we should all keep in mind—that there is the distinct possibility that we are talking out of our nether regions. But at least I will be totally up front about it.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Me, Me, Me, Other people who write, Family

I seem to have omitted something from my updates: I have work!!

I signed a consulting contract with a product marketing and management firm, the 280 Group, last month. A CONTRACT. Which means they have to pay me. I love that! I now have, between my several gigs, enough to pay the mortgage every month, plus groceries. Or bills. But not both. But, it’s only 20 hours a week, so I can still work my corner to make up the difference.

I can’t tell you how relieved I am, overjoyed, to be productive and valued and paid for my talents. All these years of tinkering and dabbling have finally translated into marketable and much-needed skills. I just needed someone to see that, and then to pimp me out to others who need it even more.

Off to speak at the In-Stock Conference in SF today. Just needed to drag out the box of clothes-that-used-to-fit-me for something presentable. I’ve lost seventeen pounds since June, and I ain’t stopping there.

Thank you, everyone, for your support, encouragement, inappropriate suggestions, donations, and much-needed comic relief. I love you, man. And you. In the back. Yes, you.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Other people who write, Family, Momversation

The momversation.com video before this last one, on stressed out working moms (oxymoron), caused a bit of a comment/posting frenzy. As I followed the thread through the momversation.com site, Twitter, and other blogs, I left comments sprinkled about like little “amens.” So guess what? I’m going to cobble them together in a post and hope it relays a coherent viewpoint on this whole judging-when-no-one-should-be-judging thing because there is no possible way for any mom to really feel the unique pain and joy of any other mom, regardless of work status, workload, workplace, or worklessness. Take that, UrbanDictionary.com.

One good thing that came of it is that I got an idea for a great web site, bought the domain name, and am working on it now. Stay tuned.

In response to Katie D.‘s comment, “I think you all must know that you are all kind-of a big deal hear on the interwebs with us moms who regularly read your blogs and watch you on Momversation. So I would say shooting for the middle has gotten you somewhere above that realm. And I think that is awesome because it proves that we may not be able to do it all, but we can do the things we really love doing quite well… One final thought: I really, really don’t like it when statements are made that give women some cast of credit for being able to “play trucks for four hours straight.” It feels like a statement like that should be followed with an “or whatever it is you do.” Sorry, it’s just a personal pet-peeve of mine and I think it comes from a misunderstanding of what SAHM’s really do.”

Honestly, thank you for the compliment, but I think there are many days when I/we don’t even aim, we just shoot for something and hope it lands. I’d go so far as to say (for myself) that it was a sense of totally doing it wrong and being inadequate as a mom that drove this need to write and let loose, and in the process discover that others felt the same and remove some of the stigma.

Also, no one plays trucks for hours. Kids might play trucks for hours, we might check on them over the hours, but seriously, no. You point out something shiny after a while and move slowly to something else, and stay downwind until you’re needed again.

In response to Sarah at OhanaMama’s comment, “the lovely ladies at momversation seemed waaaaaaay to calm to me to be working moms. Can I please have whatever it is they are taking because I would buy stock!.”

Clonazepam.

And in response to “I also wondered what sort of support group they have? Babysitters, mommy’s helpers, grandparents, are their children in school? Because I have yet to find a support system and am trying to conquer it all, just my hubby and me.”

Oh, and no support group. Just a few days “off” while they go to Dad’s, during which time I do laundry and wash the 648654th dirty baseball uniform of the season. I WISH I had someone else to help. I’d be a nicer person and a saner mom. Never had a mommy’s helper, never hire babysitters because when they are with me, that’s our time, period.

Stressed? Like a German consonant.

The kids are in school, and that helps so much. It feels like it took forever to get that last one through half-day kindergarten and have more than two hours in a row to do anything. Hint: if you have more than one child, you are delaying that time, waiting for each successive child to turn six.

[I understand that for you] Not having family close by is hard, but you can’t put a price on having the only other person on the planet who loves those kids as much as you do right there under the same roof.

In response to Cheryl’s comment on kdiddy.org’s post reply I will admit that this is one of the prickly issues that pushed my buttons, and I have a hard time having discussions about it without getting either accusatory or defensive. But, while I haven’t watched that episode, I saw the listing and caption on Dooce.com, and, to put it as diplomatically as I can, didn’t particularly think that Heather is the best poster child for working parenthood. Not that there’s not work involved in her blog empire, but that she just doesn’t begin from the same point on time management, logistics, control over workflow, etc. that many of us do.

I’m really disappointed to hear that there were no WOHMs (which is the acronym I’ve seen most) represented in the episode.”

@Cheryl, If I could find a job, I’d be a WOHM in an effing second!

One thing that drives me crazy about these conversations is that for purposes of time and editing for continuity, we have never addressed the fact that our being home isn’t necessarily by CHOICE. No job, no money for daycare. No job, plenty of time to get showered and dressed for two hours a week to film an episode. No job, good luck with insurance.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way I’ll ever be able to take care of my family is to marry rich, and unfortunately, that’s tacky.

In reply to KDiddy’s remark, “…because I’m a mom, I need to add a “mom” prefix to all nouns? “Well, let’s see, today I needed momceries so I went to the momstore and got mombread and momilk and mombutter.”)

Oh, and having “mom” somewhere in the name helps with searches and site optimization. : ) As I’ve learned from being the first to call her site The Mommy Blog. Who knew it would become a genre?

In response to MissZoot’s comment on kdiddy.org’s post reply to the episode, “Let’s talk more about the “not cleaning” part. I’m so glad that is what gets cut off your list too. I keep things picked up, so I can find things, but clean? NEVER. Bathrooms? Gross. Kitchen? Disgusting. Bedroom? Tornado.”

@Zoot, I have been getting dressed out of the laundry basket for ten years. I don’t think I even open drawers anymore. We should all share photos of our laundry FAILs.

In response to MissZoot’s own post reply to the episode, “There are two different types of working Moms. Those who work AT home and those who work OUTSIDE the home. I believe there is a huge difference in the TYPE of stress that a Mom who works OUTSIDE the home and a Mom who works AT home experiences. And what bugged me about the video? Most of the women on the panel were discussing working Mom stress as Moms who work (sometimes part time) INSIDE THEIR HOME. Shouldn’t at least half of the Working Moms on the panel be Moms who have to squeeze the 40-hour work week between commutes and trips to the daycare? Who can’t take that walk down the hall to throw the laundry in or lay chicken out for dinner and have to figure out ways to get those things done AFTER work?”

Baby, you know this better than 90% of the people who have ever been to my site: I was a better blogger when I worked in an office. I swear I feel like my best work is behind me because that frenzy of commute and care and cleaning and cooking and spousing and not sleeping because I had three kids in four years fueled great writing at an inhuman pace.

Now? I’m so depressed about being a divorced, out-of-work mom that I can’t even drag my ass to the computer to produce like I used to do. Now that I depend on it for what little money I do earn, I should be on it like a mofo, but the dismal state of my personal economy makes me sad, which needs medication, which costs a buttload because I have shit insurance, which is going to run out in a couple months (COBRA), and will be near impossible to replace without a working spouse (or any spouse) because I take medications for depression, which is caused by being out of work and… I’ve just gone cross-eyed.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Other people who write, Family, Fellow Parenting Authors, Moms Like Us

I have over fifty books in piles next to my desk that have been sent to me by publishers, publicists, authors, and agents. Their hope is that I will review each book. Mind you, these are only the ones I have expressed an interest in reading. There are lots more requests that get deleted because no one is paying me for this shit and I only have so much time to read after everyone’s in bed.

So, to do at least a bit of justice to these fine authors, knowing full well that it will be a warm day at a Chicago Bear’s playoff game before I get around to them all, I will list them here, and try to maintain a running list of what’s on deck. (Chances are that at any given moment I am reading a half-dozen of these at once and would give a schizophrenic review at best, which would beg revisitation of my med schedule for which I haven’t time nor money nor inclination.)

If I have missed any titles, please let me know in the comments. Any omissions or errors are mine and not a reflection on a book’s merit. Void where prohibited. Results may vary.

Family Life:

Biographical/Autobiographical:

Fiction:

Non-fiction/Inspirational:

Children:

Friday, May 15, 2009

Other people who write, Family

I’ve just finished reading an advance review copy of Phillip Done’s (rhymes with “phone,” wish I’d known that four years ago) new book, Close Encounters of the Third Grade Kind: Thoughts on Teacherhood. I loved it even more than Thirty-two Third Graders and One Class Bunny: Life Lessons from Teaching, which I’ve read at least four times and recommend to everyone I know.

If you know a third grader, or third grader teacher, or have even been a third grader, read this book, and then buy a copy for everyone you know.

You know how when you get a teacher you love and then whenever he/she asks a question you jump out of your seat, hurl your arm out of its socket, and beg to be called on so you can answer real-quick and then tell a story of your own? No? Am I the only one who did that? Well, reading this book makes you feel all jumpy and eager to share just like that poor little attention-starved child with the unibrow and big feet. I can think of about a dozen fab blurbs for the cover. Just let me know if you need one, sweetheart. Oh, that reminds me: as I waved goodbye to the kids tonight I said, “Bye-bye sweetie! I’ll miss you!” and my ex turned and said, “You too!” Uh, I meant my daughter, but right on.

He has so many fantastic stories to tell, and I kept firing off emails thanking him for doing what he does because I have a feeling that my middle child’s third-grade teacher views this year as a form of penance. She’s spent a lot of time out on the ramp of the portable classroom asking why he won’t do work that even approaches his ability. In fact, I forwarded the email she sent me letting me know that he did not complete a writing assessment yesterday because he spent all the allotted time sticking erasers up his nose and eating lead from a pencil to amuse his classmates. (When I questioned him later, he feigned ignorance. So I explained it a little more slowly, and he found The Loophole. “I didn’t have an eraser up my nose; I had one of those rectangle erasers and it was split halfway, and I opened it and clamped it on the OUTSIDE of my nose.” Ohhh, well, then.)

Teachers seem to be magnets for this stuff. Just tonight we were all at the school fair, and while I went off to guide Daphne through the Mexican buffet, a random kid walked up to my boyfriend, Phil, and asked, “Is barf recycling, trash, or landfill?”

“What?” said Phil.

“Is barf considered landfill, or trash, or recycling?”

“You mean throwup?”

“Yes.”

“Well, in some cultures—wait, are you saying you’re going to throw up?”

“No, my brother is.”

At this point I had arrived at the table and was doing the dancey-squealy thing with the kid’s mom because we’ve met only once before but are soulmates and bffs. I stopped hugging her just in time to hear, “I’m going to throw up.” Her younger son walked right over to the trash bin and fire-hosed it for forty seconds straight. WOW.

I went over and rubbed his back, asking if he was ok, and when his mom joined me I went off to get paper towels. I have to give this kid credit: he stayed bowed over the trash just as I asked and stayed that way until I could come back with napkins and break that string of vomit going from his lower lip to the hefty bag. His mom said they’d be going home, his older brother said, “Uh, I’m just going to get my dinner,” and the younger brother said, “I’ll wait outside.” I went with him.

Standing in the courtyard, I scoped out the nearest trash bin and turned him by the shoulders to face it. Just in case. He said he actually felt much better then, so I said, “Well, just in case, let’s go wash up with soap and water before you get into your mom’s car.” That was the last I saw of him until twenty minutes later when he and his brother ran up to us from the face-painting booth, apparently fit as fiddles. His mom is so cool. She just kept on talking with us.

Know how we met? Her son and mine arranged a playdate at pick-up, so we shook hands and agreed to get her kids back to her somehow later. I loved that she was so casual about it. When she called a few hours later I gave her directions, and she walked into the house with a bottle of wine, which we proceeded to empty while the kids tore up the yard. I couldn’t believe it. I heart her. She completes me.

Off to bed now—have been reading too many Lost message boards and my head is hurting from the theories. Plus my throat hurts from talking so much today. It’s been ages since I left the house and conversed with the general public for longer than it takes to do the school run. I’ll probably have to have speech therapy AND physical therapy once this Fifth Disease runs its course. Stupid Parvo.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Other people who write, Momversation, Fellow Parenting Authors

An Interview with Melinda Roberts
by Jackie Papandrew

Melinda (Mindy) Roberts is one of the trailblazers of the mom blogging movement, having started her groundbreaking The Mommy Blog seven years ago. Now, as Roberts says, “Every third blog created these days seems to be called The Mommy Blog…All I’ve really managed to do is make my brand the Kleenex of the blogosphere.”

Mom Writer’s Literary Magazine just put out the new Spring/Summer 2009 Issue, and it’s definitely one worth picking up. I say “picking up” because Asha Dornfest is on the cover and I’m featured, so you might want to hang it somewhere in a heavy, gilt, museum-quality frame. Or, you can read it online. Suit yourself.

The fun thing about reading a feature for which you were interviewed MONTHS ago is seeing what’s current, what’s isn’t anymore, and what you said that maybe you shouldn’t have. I talk the same way I write: one draft, no revisions, no looking back. More balls than brain. Usually, though, there’s something funny in there I’d forgotten about, like the bit about the dueling nightstands in our house. I’m thrilled with the profile. Need a new photo, though.

But please! Have a look yourselves, and see why I practically worship Asha, co-panelist at Momversation.com and creator of the ever-more-famous ParentHacks.com.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Other people who write, Family

The school science fair was the other night, and boy are my arms tired.

For starters, there was no rhyme or reason to the displays. There were approximately 467964368763 science experiments, all displayed on the same three-foot tall, tri-fold presentation boards. All using the same Word Art for titles and text. It was like looking through a room full of travel brochures and trying to figure out which one your own kid wrote. It was not for the faint of heart, and temperatures approached Irritable with all the bodies in the cafeteria.

My best friend’s son (who will marry Daphne one day, God willing) did an experiment based on something he saw Les Stroud do on Survivorman.

The title refers to the host of the show, Canadian filmmaker and survival expert Les Stroud, who must use his skills to survive for seven days alone in remote locales with little or no food, water, and equipment.

During the filming of each episode, Stroud is alone and operates all the cameras himself. He is equipped with only his clothes, camera equipment (which he does not use for survival except in an emergency), his harmonica, a Leatherman multi-tool, and often “everyday items” relevant to the episode’s particular survival scenario.

In one episode, he ran out of water and was forced to build a solar still to recycle his own urine. Understandably, this seven year old boy was FASCINATED with the idea. He wanted to do it for the science fair.

His mother, being ever sane and sanitary, encouraged him to use water with food coloring in it instead of his own urine. He built the still, waited and observed, and it worked! So, of course I had to see the presentation board.

When I found it, another parent was hunched over, reading all the little notes and peering at the pictures. While waiting my turn to check it out, I said, “I can’t believe they wimped out and didn’t use urine.”

The man looked at me as if I were crazy. I glanced at the board. No mention was made of the inspiration behind the project. Great. I just walked up to a stranger and talked about drinking urine without a shred of context.

In other news, I plan to finally get around to listing and even reviewing some of the eleventy books y’all have so generously sent to me. I’m actually reading some or all of these at once, and finished the others some time ago. It’s long overdue, either way. So stay tuned for comments on all of these books.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Other people who write, Family, Life

PERFECT update this morning from ZenHabits.

Let the World Pass You By

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” - Bertrand Russell

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

I was sitting outside my new home yesterday (we just moved last week, and we love the new place), watching the world go by.

There were people in cars, in a hurry to get to their next appointment. There were birds flying by, insects just as busy as the people in cars, plants and weeds thriving in the humid Guam climate.

Inside the house, my children were also busy, as ever, making a mess of the house (which my wife and I would soon clean up), getting into things, their natural curiosity overpowering our previous pleas for them not to play with lotion or take things apart.

The sky was slightly overcast and there was a cool breeze, quite strong and pleasant actually.

It’s not often that most of us just sit quietly, and allow the world to pass us by.

Why not?

What is so important that it can’t wait until later? What email must be answered right this moment? Do we really need to read all those articles online, all those messages from others, all those newspapers and magazines? Do we need to have the television and radio and Internet on all the time?

Is life passing us by as we keep our minds super-busy? Are we missing out on the beautiful world around us as we constantly think about the future — what we need to do, our anxieties about what might happen — and the past — what we did wrong, what someone else did to us, what we said, what should have happened?

When was the last time you just sat, and observed? Why not do it today?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Other people who write, Technology

I don’t subscribe to many email lists; in fact, I think I can count on one and a half hands the number to which I’ve intentionally and usefully subscribed, but I read an incredibly insightful post one day and thought, oh hell, might as well have SOME zen in my life. I subscribed to Zen Habits last week and it’s been paying off nearly every day.

Today’s post is brilliant: a list of features he’d like to see in GMail. He is already a huge fan, and given the improvements they’ve made over the years, thinks they do listen.

Google Features I’d Like To See
by Leo Babauta
Ability to tell other Gmail users that I’m busy and can’t be bothered with more email, similar to how your status shows in Gmail chat, but appears when they’re about to email me. If they decide to email me anyway, despite my “Do Not Disturb” status, they will be warned that the email probably won’t be read, will be archived and become dusty, and that they’ll have to send a follow up message to me in a few days because I’ll have completely flaked on replying.

The ability to remind you to follow up on an email if someone hasn’t replied and you’ve marked it as needing a follow up. Also, if you enable auto-follow-up, it’ll automatically follow up with a short, polite email. Or maybe it’ll just play a small coughing sound in the other person’s Gmail: “Ahem…”

Phone answering service. Should be able to converse with the caller, and sound like me, and route any relevant info to Gmail. If the caller is a telemarketer, the Google service should try to sell them something, such as my book, and be very pushy about it. Don’t take “no” for an answer, Gphone!

A button similar to “Report Spam” for when you receive a spam email, except that it says “Spam Back” and when you press it, the spammer receives all the spam you’ve received in the last 90 days.

Yet another similar button that says “Report Joke/Chain” so that anytime someone keeps sending you joke emails, chain emails, or sappy forwarded emails, these are automatically filtered out (like spam is). Real emails from the same sender would be let through the filter. In addition, you can enable an automatic reply to the sender of chain/joke/forwarded emails that informs them that they really should pause longer before forwarding messages to people, as it fills up people’s inboxes needlessly, the blonde jokes weren’t very funny in the first place, and no, Bill Gates isn’t really tracking this chain email and won’t give you a million dollars for forwarding it.

It reminds me of the old days, managing the software for a foundation and listening to requests for new features, and thinking, “You want to do this… without people? What, you stay home and collect the paycheck?” He gets carried away, but I swear to peanuts if any of this becomes available I will be adding features like Count Dracula.

Heh. At the end of the post, is says, “Post written automatically by Google autoblogger.”

I love it.

all over it like interest on a credit card

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