TheMommyBlog

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 QOTD

“Mom, where did you put all the stuff piled in our room when you packed? I need to find something. It’s small and red.”

Saturday, March 06, 2010 QOTD

Yesterday, my middle schooler told me he’d watched a South Park Episode called “Eat, Pray, Queef.” At Dad’s house. In my defense.

I kept my hands at ten and two on the wheel and asked, “Do need me to define any of that for you?”

“Um, no.”

“That’s fantastic.”

“Mom, are you okay?”

“We must never speak of this again.”

“Maybe that’s best.”

Monday, March 01, 2010 QOTD

Me: I won’t blame our misfortune on outside forces because whatever happens, happens, and the outcome is merely a measure of the limit of my ability to cope.

Logan: I didn’t understand a word you just said but I’m sure it was very meaningful.

Friday, February 26, 2010 QOTD

How come talking to you reminds me to take my meds?
—Guy

Saturday, February 20, 2010 QOTD

My Guy before coffee: “I’m a defenseless little kitten.”

Friday, February 19, 2010 QOTD

“Mom, what is all that black under your eye, and those lines?”

“Oh, maybe it’s makeup.” I wiped my eyes. “Better?”

“Not really.”

Then I remembered I haven’t worn makeup in about three days.

Btw, when I told him that the lines were wrinkles, he patted my arm and said, “Mama, you’re too young to have wrinkles.”

I said, “Does it help that they are laugh lines? Those are the good kind, right? RIGHT?”

Wednesday, February 03, 2010 QOTD

Him: So I am getting dressed, put on dockers, red sweater. Nine year old comes over, doing up his tie on his starched white shirt and says, “Are you wearing that to work?”

I say yes.

He goes, “Embarrassing.” and walks away doing his tie.

Thursday, January 21, 2010 QOTD

DYING today with the quotes of the day. It’s not even seven-thirty yet and I’m hurrying to get them all down, and they just keep coming as I’m working. (These are not my kids, which is why I get to sip my coffee and keep on typing.)

“What do you want for breakfast?”
(Playing Wii) “I want something that takes a really long time.”

Serving breakfast:

“I’m not eating that.”
“Yes, you are, you said you would.”
“You don’t have a signed contract.’”
“Oh, yes I do, it’s a verbal contract, legally binding, and will hold up in a court of law.”
“Then somebody get me some virtual scissors!”

And, finally:

“SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!”

Sunday, January 10, 2010 QOTD

Me: Guy, what does that button do?

Guy: I don’t know, but every time I push it, it throws a mountain goat across the screen.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010 QOTD

Me: Just how many rats nested in your hair last night?

Dylan: Three. And I named them all. Jill, Bill, and Bob.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 QOTD

Those new glasses are the perfect combination of nerdy and hot.
—Me, to Guy

Thursday, December 10, 2009 QOTD

“If they call me Mr. Roberts one more time, I’m not paying the fucking bill.”
—My Guy, after ordering room service. Again

.

Monday, November 30, 2009 Family, QOTD

You are perfect in a completely damaged kind of way…just the way I want and need.
—My Guy

Thursday, November 19, 2009 Family, QOTD

Daughter: Okay, okay, I didn’t really take a bath, I just rinsed my hair and brushed it.”

Son: “That is not delightful.”

Friday, November 13, 2009 Family, QOTD

Logan was home sick again today and wound up at my house for a couple of hours. When it was time for me to head out on my date, I said collect yer things, we’re taking off.

He came to find me in the bathroom. “Mom, stop. We’re just going to Dad’s. Stop putting on makeup. What, are you gonna try to remarry him or something?”

And then we burst out laughing.