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Monday, February 09, 2004

UPDATE: Due to poor writing skills, I failed to convey effectively that I was the Scary Employee. You see, I went from being Scary Mommy to Scary Employee yesterday, effecting the change during the morning commute. So, for purposes of extending the metaphor, please substitute ”Mindy” in your mind for ”Scary Employee,” and the post will make more sense. Thanks for playing.

So the full-court press is on for the organizational tax return. I supply just one report for the annual submission, but that one report runs to 200 pages, has about 500 items, and takes most of a full-time position nearly half the year to compile. This report has been handled for the last 5 years by a specialist, a position created for this express purpose; general compliance made up the other portion of the responsibilities. Well, we reduced the force by 40% last year, and that meant giving up 2 of the 6 positions in my department. Guess what I inherited? Yup. The Report from Hell. I also inherited the database helpdesk, but the users can languish in User Hell for all I care; I report to the CFO, and the CFO cares about this report.

Guess who just left my office? Uh huh. Here’s a recap:

CFO: “So. How’s it coming?”
Scary Employee: “ Well, like I said in our meeting 6 hours ago, once I have part of the exec office temp’s time, we can tackle the 300 files that are left.”
CFO: Well, it was useful having [VP-type Poobah] in this morning’s meeting. What can we ask for from him/her to make sure we get what we need?”
Scary Employee: “I think we’ve done a good job conveying the urgency and importance of the work we’re doing, and I think that folks are aware that we expect to have current info in the database this week so we can start analysis.”
CFO: “Well, I was specifically wondering what we could be doing that we haven’t thought of yet.”
Scary Employee: [trying not to let that paradox force my brain to splinter] “We’ve done quite a bit of proactive training, programming and education this time, knowing that we would be doing the return with fewer resources.”
CFO: “...”
Scary Employee: “We are far more organized than we have ever been.”
CFO: “...”
Scary Employee: I’ve made sure of that, since it is my responsibility this time.”
CFO: [waving hands and speculating] “What if we had fields in the database where staff could enter [crucial piece of information]?”
Scary Employee: “Um, we’ve had that in place for over a year now.”
CFO: “So is it a training issue?”
Scary Employee: “We’ve trained extensively. That doesn’t preclude their getting overwhelmed and forgetful, but we use gentle reminders.”
CFO: “What about a report to tell them what’s missing?”
Scary Employee: “We have that. In fact, if you’ll remember, we gave each area their own personalized report several months ago.”
CFO: “Should we send them another copy?”
Scary Employee: “Nooo, I think I want them to stick with the copy they’ve been using.”
CFO: “Well what else can we be doing? We can’t just sit here and whine about not having enough staff for all the work.”
Scary Employee: “Gee, I hope you don’t think that all I’m doing is whining. Well, of course I am whining a little, but I am also being very smart about our approach. To tell you the truth, I have been working my tail off to get as many pieces in place as early as possible this year. We’re organized the task. We made policy changes to make it more efficient. I’ve lobbied the president, the VP, and General Counsel to change the way we do things so we don’t have a repeat of last year. I have new checks and balances in the system. We’ve rolled out 12--twelve-- new policies to clear up any confusion, myths, or rumors about the process. The process is objective and extant now, and no longer vulnerable to interpretation or debate. That’s huge (hewge, one might say.)”
CFO: “OK, I just want to be sure were doing everything we should be doing.”
Scary Employee: “Are we doing everything we have thought of so far? Yes. Could there be something I haven’t thought of? Yes! But I assure you that as soon as I think of something else, I’ll act on it. OK?”
CFO: “...Okaaaaaayyy, thanks.” [scurries away]

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Monday, February 02, 2004

Workbits

I am going to make a promise, and I’ll need you all to help keep me honest.

I am going to STOP WORKING CRAZY HOURS.

It’s 5 p.m., quittin’ time for most of the world, but I doubt that most of the world showed up to make the first pot of coffee at 5 a.m. My boss called me twice today to see if I was OK (not normal behavior, BTW), I’ve had several comments on my lovely dark circles, IMs popping up left and right from friends all over the world, checking to see if I have gone home yet, and one person this afternoon actually suggested I comb my hair. Good lord, what else am I not noticing?? And yes, I am sure that that long strip of white paper the other day was from my adding machine, not the restroom… you know who you are, so stop snickering.

I will try to go to bed at a reasonable time, and stay there. If I wake in the middle of the night, I will not check my work email. I will leave the building during the day in search of food and fresh air, and I will eat lunch. A lunch that I have picked up myself, not one that a pitying co-worker has brought me. (Not that I don’t appreciate it, Kathy my love, just trying not to become pathetic.)

I will work harder at delegating, though I think I do a darn good job as a matter of habit. I will make good on my ~~threat~~ promise to ~~pillage~~ utilize budgets one level up to hire help on my projects. I will try to look less chipper when making promises, and I will try to manage expectations in such a way that people are actually aware that while I tend to deliver on time and with a cheerful grin, there was effort involved, effort I expect to be appreciated and respected.

And finally, I will try to be home to have dinner with my family at least twice a week. I want to see my kids when they wake up and when they go to bed. It really shouldn’t be such a crapshoot.

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