TheMommyBlog

Friday, March 18, 2005 Family

Man, was today wrenching. Highs, lows, tears, smiles, a good long stretch of tedium and mediocrity (this was at work), all followed by drama, potty humor, defiance, and utter lack of reason.

Logan fell asleep on the couch and could not be roused for dinner minutes after declaring the cleaning service the worst! cleaners! ever! for picking up his tiger and antelope and putting them away. I shook and shook him (I admit that I enjoyed that a little too much) and told him we were having dinner, and that if he didn’t get up he would miss it. “Nononono.” “Honey, open your eyes. Look at me. You. Will. Miss. Dinner.” “It’s ok, mom, go ahead.” And then he was out again.

An hour later he was awake and demanding that everyone eat dinner all over again and wait for him. At least this time he didn’t suggest we all throw it up and cook a whole new one. Tonight he merely insisted I rewind the evening. Look. If I could turn back time, don’t you think I would have used those powers ALREADY??

After an hour’s worth of warnings that he would go to bed hungry if he couldn’t decide on a meal by eight, he gobbled a bowl of cereal and then reluctantly climbed into the still lukewarm tub.

Logan: (Shivering) “Mom, can you name three animals that live in the rain forest canopy? You name three and I’ll name three.”
Me: “OK, um, parrots, monkeys, and snakes.”
Logan: “Oh.” (Obviously surprised I knew anything) “Ok, lemme tell you mine… let’s see, you said parrot, so I can’t say macaw, because that’s a kind of parrot, so… toucan…”
Me: “Hang on, I need to get Dylan situated. Why don’t you get out of the tub and come read a story and then you can tell me.”

I sighed, rubbed my forhead, and walked over to Dylan and played the these-sheets-weigh-a-metric-ton game and got him all tucked in. Then I checked on Logan. Who refused to get out because he was too cold.

“Suit yourself, but it will only get colder and if you sit there much longer I will start the story without you.” That got him up, but not without testing all of the towels for the one with the least water on it already. Then he waved it in the vicinity of his body and put on his jammies.

Logan: (After the story, throughout which I am positive he rehearsed his answer) “OK, mom, want to hear my three?”
Me: “Sure.”
Logan: “What did I say already?”
Me: “Macaw—no—toucan.”
Logan: “Yeah, toucan.” (Look of disgust) “Duh, a macaw is a kind of parrot. Anyway, toucans, sloths, and fish.”
Me: “Um, buddy, you specified rain forest canopy. There are no fish in the trees.”
Logan: “Wait, mom! When the rainy season comes, the rain forest can flood up to the canopy.”
Me: (Stunned silence)
Logan: (Giggling)
Me: “You surprise me every day, mister.”
Logan: “Yeah, and there’s this kind of fish that chews on the bark, and there are all these fish just eating away at the trees, isn’t that silly?”
Me: “Good night, Claven.”

As I kissed him one last time (or, rather, he performed his kissing ritual: kisskisskiss, rest cheek on skin, kisskisskiss, rest cheek, and then rapid fire kisskisskisskisskisskiss), I heard Dylan over in his bed going, “Ouch! Ow! Owow!”

Me: “What’s the matter honey, did you bang your head? Let me kiss it.”
Dylan: “No, I’m just poking my eyes.”