Bad Mood DudeOK, people, if you do not know for a solid, spectacular fact that a woman is having a baby, do NOT comment on or inquire about her pregnancy.
Think about it. Everyone is built differently, and everyone dresses, walks, and postures in a unique fashion. Unless she is showing off ultrasound pictures or inviting to you feel the baby move, SHUT THE HELL UP.
For real, dude. The second you leave the room, we will shred you, and we’ll never, ever forget it. You will forever be marked as clueless and insensitive, and the poor non-pregnant lady will not be able to wear that particular, unfortunate outfit again.
Got it? Good.
I write. A lot.
I also design stuff and collect funny things kids say. Oh, and please buy my book. It's very funny.
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My son was in the same room as me when I was getting dressed one day. I scratched the top of my left breast a little and he said, “Mommy, you are touching your —-!”
I said to him, “I just have an itch,” to which he responded, “That’s *your* excuse!”
Jet, 4
Jax: Mommy, here’s a little piece of toilet paper to wipe the tip.
Mommy: The tip of what?
Jax: Your penis.
Jax, 3
After being told to go outside and pick up the dog poop, he goes outside, whines and complains. He comes back in and says, “Mom, I think the dog over-pooped.”
Luke, 8
When I woke up one morning with a sore throat, raspy voice, and fever, my three-year-old, Emilie, asked me what was wrong. I said, “Mama has a cold…” and she felt my cheek for a minute before saying, “No. You has a hot!”
Emilie, 3
Do you know how I memorized 2 x 11? I have this fake pencil in my brain, and it writes down the multiplication!!
Hugo, 6
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06.30.04 at 02:58 PM |
Did you hurt him Mindy?
Someone asked my mom if she was pregnant one time, and my mom said no. My mom then asked him where the ladies clothes was and he took her to the big womens department, so she punched him in the face!
06.30.04 at 03:00 PM |
Mindy,
Love the new look!
LittleMiss (Ann Marie)
06.30.04 at 03:12 PM |
Oh yes. I remember being asked that question once. by a 6 year old. Trouble is, them six year olds?… you can’t beat them to a slimey pulp.. especially if they ask you in the church foyer, especially if their parents are standing right there, looking as if they wish the ground would swallow them up.
No. If that happens, you just have to smile sweetly and laugh, as if you think it’s the funniest thing in the world.
06.30.04 at 04:12 PM |
YIPES. Better to not say a word than to be caught being an ARSE!
07.01.04 at 05:40 AM |
I did it. Once.
Many years ago.
Let me repeat that: once.
That’s all it takes, if you are a bona fide human. The burning shame is as fresh in my mind as it was on that horrible moment, sixteen years ago.
07.01.04 at 12:45 PM |
I was this close to asking a lady how far along she was in my checkout at the grocery store the other day. By the looks of it she was about 8 months along, so there’s very little doubt at that point, but I decided to shutup anyway. Now I just ask how old the present children are to make pleasant conversation