TheMommyBlog

Monday, September 29, 2008 Family, Politics

I went to my kids’ school on Friday to watch the Student Council candidate speeches in the cafeteria just before elections took place in the classrooms. There were about sixty kids up there, and nearly half of them were campaign managers, I kid you not. Maybe three of them had to fly solo, but everyone else had a manager to warm up the crowd, hold placards, shout slogans, and make introductions.

My third grader was stumping for a VP candidate. He filed into the cafeteria looking like Forrest Gump, wearing a blue checked button-down shirt with the top button done and the front of his hair slicked down with Daddy’s gel. He definitely took his job seriously. His candidate wore sweats, but hey, I’ve seen more surprising things in an election. He gave a concise speech, stressing that his candidate was not running just for the sake of running; he was running because there were four things he wanted to accomplish. “One, blah, blah, Two, blah, blah…” and so on. I don’t remember what the four things were, but I liked him immediately for his confident and organized delivery. Of course, he can pull anything off so long there are numbered parts to it. “Mom, there were at least eight things that went wrong today.” “I don’t like sharing a room with my brother for three reasons. Well, probably more, but here are the three main ones.” He always responds to the counting threat. “One… TWO…” Boom. Compliance. Maybe he should have run for VP. His candidate said he wanted a cleaner school, and said it in about four different ways, but I didn’t buy it.

There was every type of candidate you could imagine, and it only confirmed for me that children are largely formed by the age of six, and if you squint, you’ll catch a glimpse of the grownups they’ll become. I was proud of everyone who got up there and made pitches, clutching scraps of paper for reference. They faced down the entire third, fourth, and fifth grade classes, plus a couple dozen parents with cameras, video cameras, and a quiet sense of awe. And a few giggles.

Of course, it didn’t help that I was sitting directly behind one of my favorite dads, who was sitting behind my oldest son. As soon as our third grader finished his introduction speech, our fifth grader turned around and whispered, “I wrote that!” Not surprised, but impressed that he knew to number things to help his brother succeed. There were no teleprompters—though some of the kids could have used one—which was appropriate given that I just coughed up a four hundred dollar check for three “Classroom donations.” I would have written a strongly worded letter to the PTA about fiscal priorities.

For the most part, they stayed on topic and stuck to the basics. The Treasurer candidates all loved math. One or two said they were GOOD at math, which I though was a clever distinction. All of them said they were trustworthy, according to the first law of politics: never advertise your criminal predilections. That’s what the press is for. And tattletales.

The VP and Presidential candidates cared deeply about our school. They wanted to go green. They wanted to go greener than green. Because green is good. Someone must have read them the principal’s message in this month’s newsletter, in which she proclaimed her support for green projects. I think she will get her green.

One candidate promised better lunches. Another promised longer recesses. Two or three others promised cleaner grounds, admonishing everyone to pick up after themselves so that our school could be clean. And green. There was a little girl who lost the mom vote with her determination to make every parent turn off car engines during pickups and drop offs, and send healthy lunches that come in completely recyclable packaging. One campaign manager, in a brilliant move during her candidate’s speech, quietly walked over to a plastic water bottle on the floor in front of another kid’s chair, picked it up, and carried it to the recycling bin before resuming her post behind her candidate. I wanted to stand up and applaud. Savvvvy.

There were a few candidates with female managers, and I’m usually not one to point out gender differences in school, but there was an awful lot of “Vote for my candidate because she’s nice, and fun, and loves the school.” One pointed out that her candidate was pretty AND popular. I don’t think she won, but it was nice to know that grade school elections aren’t so different than the national ones, though they are a lot more innocent.