TheMommyBlog

Friday, June 12, 2009 Other people who write, Family, Momversation

The momversation.com video before this last one, on stressed out working moms (oxymoron), caused a bit of a comment/posting frenzy. As I followed the thread through the momversation.com site, Twitter, and other blogs, I left comments sprinkled about like little “amens.” So guess what? I’m going to cobble them together in a post and hope it relays a coherent viewpoint on this whole judging-when-no-one-should-be-judging thing because there is no possible way for any mom to really feel the unique pain and joy of any other mom, regardless of work status, workload, workplace, or worklessness. Take that, UrbanDictionary.com.

One good thing that came of it is that I got an idea for a great web site, bought the domain name, and am working on it now. Stay tuned.

In response to Katie D.‘s comment, “I think you all must know that you are all kind-of a big deal hear on the interwebs with us moms who regularly read your blogs and watch you on Momversation. So I would say shooting for the middle has gotten you somewhere above that realm. And I think that is awesome because it proves that we may not be able to do it all, but we can do the things we really love doing quite well… One final thought: I really, really don’t like it when statements are made that give women some cast of credit for being able to “play trucks for four hours straight.” It feels like a statement like that should be followed with an “or whatever it is you do.” Sorry, it’s just a personal pet-peeve of mine and I think it comes from a misunderstanding of what SAHM’s really do.”

Honestly, thank you for the compliment, but I think there are many days when I/we don’t even aim, we just shoot for something and hope it lands. I’d go so far as to say (for myself) that it was a sense of totally doing it wrong and being inadequate as a mom that drove this need to write and let loose, and in the process discover that others felt the same and remove some of the stigma.

Also, no one plays trucks for hours. Kids might play trucks for hours, we might check on them over the hours, but seriously, no. You point out something shiny after a while and move slowly to something else, and stay downwind until you’re needed again.

In response to Sarah at OhanaMama’s comment, “the lovely ladies at momversation seemed waaaaaaay to calm to me to be working moms. Can I please have whatever it is they are taking because I would buy stock!.”

Clonazepam.

And in response to “I also wondered what sort of support group they have? Babysitters, mommy’s helpers, grandparents, are their children in school? Because I have yet to find a support system and am trying to conquer it all, just my hubby and me.”

Oh, and no support group. Just a few days “off” while they go to Dad’s, during which time I do laundry and wash the 648654th dirty baseball uniform of the season. I WISH I had someone else to help. I’d be a nicer person and a saner mom. Never had a mommy’s helper, never hire babysitters because when they are with me, that’s our time, period.

Stressed? Like a German consonant.

The kids are in school, and that helps so much. It feels like it took forever to get that last one through half-day kindergarten and have more than two hours in a row to do anything. Hint: if you have more than one child, you are delaying that time, waiting for each successive child to turn six.

[I understand that for you] Not having family close by is hard, but you can’t put a price on having the only other person on the planet who loves those kids as much as you do right there under the same roof.

In response to Cheryl’s comment on kdiddy.org’s post reply I will admit that this is one of the prickly issues that pushed my buttons, and I have a hard time having discussions about it without getting either accusatory or defensive. But, while I haven’t watched that episode, I saw the listing and caption on Dooce.com, and, to put it as diplomatically as I can, didn’t particularly think that Heather is the best poster child for working parenthood. Not that there’s not work involved in her blog empire, but that she just doesn’t begin from the same point on time management, logistics, control over workflow, etc. that many of us do.

I’m really disappointed to hear that there were no WOHMs (which is the acronym I’ve seen most) represented in the episode.”

@Cheryl, If I could find a job, I’d be a WOHM in an effing second!

One thing that drives me crazy about these conversations is that for purposes of time and editing for continuity, we have never addressed the fact that our being home isn’t necessarily by CHOICE. No job, no money for daycare. No job, plenty of time to get showered and dressed for two hours a week to film an episode. No job, good luck with insurance.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way I’ll ever be able to take care of my family is to marry rich, and unfortunately, that’s tacky.

In reply to KDiddy’s remark, “…because I’m a mom, I need to add a “mom” prefix to all nouns? “Well, let’s see, today I needed momceries so I went to the momstore and got mombread and momilk and mombutter.”)

Oh, and having “mom” somewhere in the name helps with searches and site optimization. : ) As I’ve learned from being the first to call her site The Mommy Blog. Who knew it would become a genre?

In response to MissZoot’s comment on kdiddy.org’s post reply to the episode, “Let’s talk more about the “not cleaning” part. I’m so glad that is what gets cut off your list too. I keep things picked up, so I can find things, but clean? NEVER. Bathrooms? Gross. Kitchen? Disgusting. Bedroom? Tornado.”

@Zoot, I have been getting dressed out of the laundry basket for ten years. I don’t think I even open drawers anymore. We should all share photos of our laundry FAILs.

In response to MissZoot’s own post reply to the episode, “There are two different types of working Moms. Those who work AT home and those who work OUTSIDE the home. I believe there is a huge difference in the TYPE of stress that a Mom who works OUTSIDE the home and a Mom who works AT home experiences. And what bugged me about the video? Most of the women on the panel were discussing working Mom stress as Moms who work (sometimes part time) INSIDE THEIR HOME. Shouldn’t at least half of the Working Moms on the panel be Moms who have to squeeze the 40-hour work week between commutes and trips to the daycare? Who can’t take that walk down the hall to throw the laundry in or lay chicken out for dinner and have to figure out ways to get those things done AFTER work?”

Baby, you know this better than 90% of the people who have ever been to my site: I was a better blogger when I worked in an office. I swear I feel like my best work is behind me because that frenzy of commute and care and cleaning and cooking and spousing and not sleeping because I had three kids in four years fueled great writing at an inhuman pace.

Now? I’m so depressed about being a divorced, out-of-work mom that I can’t even drag my ass to the computer to produce like I used to do. Now that I depend on it for what little money I do earn, I should be on it like a mofo, but the dismal state of my personal economy makes me sad, which needs medication, which costs a buttload because I have shit insurance, which is going to run out in a couple months (COBRA), and will be near impossible to replace without a working spouse (or any spouse) because I take medications for depression, which is caused by being out of work and… I’ve just gone cross-eyed.