FamilyHave y’all seen what’s outside my front door? It ages me just a little every time I look out there.
Maybe I’m just grumpy from not having eaten much in the last 48 hours; maybe my blood sugar is dragging ass. I’ve just hit the second layer of that box of chocolates, so I hope to have that corrected soon.
But I think I just really need more sleep! I dream about sleep they way some folks dream about success, or freedom, or fame, or sex… wait… I dream about that too… how does that go again? I have been running on a steady sleep deficit for 6 years now, and I never quite feel like I get enough.
The kids, however, have elevated it to an art form. Once the little monsters are asleep, they are GLORIOUSLY asleep, wallowing in sleep, sleeping to the hilt. It is a thing of beauty. If properly under way, one of my children’s sleeps can withstand lights, cymbals, shouting, and to my utter disbelief on one occasion, a complete change of bed sheets.
Me? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I wake up if mitosis occurs.
I hear the slightest murmur of a tummy, the minutest change in breathing. If I ever do fall into a deep slumber amidst noisy havoc, like I did yesterday, I’ll snap wide awake the moment everyone leaves the house to leave me in peace. The silence will jolt me right out of whatever dreams were soothing me and healing my poor, addled brain.
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I also design stuff and collect funny things kids say. Oh, and please buy my book. It's very funny.
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My son was in the same room as me when I was getting dressed one day. I scratched the top of my left breast a little and he said, “Mommy, you are touching your —-!”
I said to him, “I just have an itch,” to which he responded, “That’s *your* excuse!”
Jet, 4
Jax: Mommy, here’s a little piece of toilet paper to wipe the tip.
Mommy: The tip of what?
Jax: Your penis.
Jax, 3
After being told to go outside and pick up the dog poop, he goes outside, whines and complains. He comes back in and says, “Mom, I think the dog over-pooped.”
Luke, 8
When I woke up one morning with a sore throat, raspy voice, and fever, my three-year-old, Emilie, asked me what was wrong. I said, “Mama has a cold…” and she felt my cheek for a minute before saying, “No. You has a hot!”
Emilie, 3
Do you know how I memorized 2 x 11? I have this fake pencil in my brain, and it writes down the multiplication!!
Hugo, 6
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04.04.04 at 02:15 PM |
Dude has skills. I can’t sleep with my legs crossed.
04.04.04 at 02:22 PM |
Isn’t that amazing? He sleeps like that all the time, and has since he was a baby. Debonair to the core.
04.04.04 at 05:27 PM |
oh. oh. oh. I can’t believe it. Mine, as my sister once said, is “not from the sleepers.” She can stay up until 11PM, or later, and to the naked eye appear to be acting like a normal 6-yr. old (you know--the kind that gets tired at night).
Let me look at that again. How does he do that?
04.04.04 at 07:53 PM |
I can so relate!!!!! I think kids have an internal alarm clock that is hard wired to the relaxation mode of mom!
So let me guess the rest of the story. You didn’t lay back down because you were frustrated with your husband, your child was asleep in the yard and you couldn’t relax. Let me guess. YOUR CHILDREN SLEPT LIKE LOGS!!!
He was so cute though. Crashed on the patio!
04.05.04 at 06:37 AM |
There is something so very special about sleeping children. No matter how evil my daughter has been and how many times I lecture to her that she CANNOT sleep in the living room, when I find her passed out there in that lovely kid-slumber, my heart melts. At least until I remember I have to carry her to bed ... heave ho!
04.05.04 at 03:22 PM |
Evidently, the grass was itchy, Mom.. that hard patio is MUCH more comfortable, yanno. I love kids.