That’s right! This is getting so repetitive I can’t believe it. This is not a gimmick, I do not make these things up.
I just returned from three hours at the urgent clinic where I paid a fortune for chest Xrays and treatment. Why? Because I couldn’t get an appointment with my own doctor to save my life. They had an opening for “flu” but not for “sinusitis and probable pneumonia.” I am not making this up. That is what the receptionist told me.
Also? He asked if I was a nurse or a doctor or something, because I was using words he’d never heard before. Oh. So, “prolonged URI with secondary bacterial infection of the sinuses” is something wacky in your office? What trade school did you roll out of? I finally asked that if the doctor couldn’t see me, could he please call me and we’ll do it over the phone.
A while later, a woman we’ll call Tweedledum phones to say, “He says you should steam, and use saline drops, and get some cold medicine.” It was all I could do not to reach through the phone and throttle her. I can’t even begin to tell the story, so I’m pasting a conversation I had with a friend before I went to the doctor.
Oh, and keep in mind that when I got to the counter with the freshly restored insurance coverage information, it couldn’t be verified. I had to pay cash. In advance.
“I’m going to the urgent health clinic in a few minutes. it’s a holiday and all.”
“For yourself?”
“Yep: have had a cold for fifteen days, and I’m certain it has been bacterial for at least eight, but did not have insurance until just now.”
“For fuck’s sake, get some antibiotics.”
“When my former employer switched insurance carriers, they neglected to take me along, so I’ve been uninsured since Jan 1.”
“Good job you haven’t been sick then. *note irony”
“I tried to get antibiotics over the phone and they said to use saline and cough medicine. I nearly lost it. I actually had an appt. last night but I had lent my car to Gil and he returned 2.5 hours late and I missed it. So now I’m not messing with the regular office and going to urgent care.”
“Oh dear Mary Wilson.”
“Then office receptionist actually asked if I had flu, and when I said no, he said, “Well, the only appt I have left is for flu and if you don’t have it I can’t give it to you.”
“HAAAAH - what the fuck kind of service is that?”
“So I said, just tell him I have sinusitis - a cold with a secondary, bacterial infection, producing yellow artichokes.”
“Ew.”
“And he asked, ‘Are you a nurse or a doctor or something? Because you’re using words I’ve never heard before.’”
“And you said… NO, I’M SICK.”
“And that’s when I got the call back from some lady telling me to put my face over steam. And this was the best: they moved office and I asked for directions. She gave me the address on El Camino Real. When I asked for a cross street she named one I’d never heard of. El Camino goes from here to San Diego, I shit you not. It’s a long street. And she couldn’t give me a cross street with a stoplight.”
“For fuck’s sake.”
“I asked, ‘Are you in Palo Alto? Are you in Mountain View? Are you in San Jose?’ She finally named a town but said I’d have to look the rest up myself. I was nearly crying by the end. Then she asked if I needed the address again to look it up.”
“Heeeee.”
“And it turns out that it’s around the corner from the hospital where I had all my babies. 0_0”
“Well, that will make it easy to find.”
“I will be sure to let her know that there is a major medical facility close by. Some even consider it a landmark.”
“So, here’s what I want you to do: get the penicillin, get some Night Nurse or something to knock you out, get home, get a hot water bottle, take all the meds and go to bed. OK?”
“Yep, that’s my plan exactly, only I’m adding in the tabloid in which Britney says her husband slept with her mother. And then there is a dinner Phil’s planning, and then we’re going to San Diego for a few days. Should be nice to not have to do laundry and dishes.”
“If you weren’t hocking loogies constantly.”
“Gil’s taking the kids camping, which I would not witness for all the gold in Mike Tyson’s teeth.”
“Heeee - they’ll have a great time.”
“Can you imagine?? Oh they will. But I would have a stroke.”
“I imagine it would be even worse if I were to do that, which I will at some point this year.”
“He let them be naked for an entire weekend two years ago, and the last time they went, Dylan cam home with the tick in his back. They didn’t get it out all the way with the dirty swiss army knife.”
”My wife: : ‘Where are the kids?’
Me: ‘Oh fuck.’”
“Ha! it’s a field test: they have to get home with a twenty dollar bill and a candy bar.”
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02.14.08 at 02:06 PM |
You poor thing, you need a new doctor, stat. I’d be screaming at that stupid receptionist.
02.14.08 at 02:14 PM |
Your doctor needs to know about that conversation with the receptionist. That happened to me one time, and, voila! No more receptionist.
Nothing, I mean NOTHING, pisses me off more than when one of us is really sick and I’m trying to get an appointment, and the MD office dispenses women’s magazine health advice.
Hope you feel better soon!