Bad Mood DudeI’ve just been sealed into my house so the painter can coat the garage walls and rafters with ammonia-based primer, ‘cause ain’t no way that shit’s getting covered any other way. My doors are literally wrapped and taped shut, so I can only go out the front. My car is blocked, so I’m very grateful that this is not my day to pick up the kids.
The best part? Receiving the call yesterday saying that the painter could finally squeeze me in, and had I moved all the stuff in the garage out of the garage? Whahuahfua? Um, no. Will moving some of the things out be okay? Because I am not hauling six industrial shelving units full of accumulated crap onto my delicate slate patio. Also, am not throwing out my back, mmkay?
So of course I needed before pictures so I have something to compare the next few days against. Even if it gets noxious enough in here to knock me flat, and if my appliances are permanently covered with this primer, I’ll at least be happy I don’t have to look at the stained rafters where the rats used to sit, mocking me.
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My son was in the same room as me when I was getting dressed one day. I scratched the top of my left breast a little and he said, “Mommy, you are touching your —-!”
I said to him, “I just have an itch,” to which he responded, “That’s *your* excuse!”
Jet, 4
Jax: Mommy, here’s a little piece of toilet paper to wipe the tip.
Mommy: The tip of what?
Jax: Your penis.
Jax, 3
After being told to go outside and pick up the dog poop, he goes outside, whines and complains. He comes back in and says, “Mom, I think the dog over-pooped.”
Luke, 8
When I woke up one morning with a sore throat, raspy voice, and fever, my three-year-old, Emilie, asked me what was wrong. I said, “Mama has a cold…” and she felt my cheek for a minute before saying, “No. You has a hot!”
Emilie, 3
Do you know how I memorized 2 x 11? I have this fake pencil in my brain, and it writes down the multiplication!!
Hugo, 6
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