The Mommy Blog | Adventures from the Wonderbelly of Motherhood

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Our Holiday Curse, Bad Mood Dude, Family

..She will need a walker. If you give your mom a walker, she will need a one-story house and an accessible shower stall. So, hey! I live two miles from the hospital, and have a master suite with a million pillows and a total ADA-compliant, walk-in shower! Come on over! I’ll be your Convalescence Home. The kids will love waiting on you.

In the first hour, she takes her first real shower. I’ve lived here for ten years and had at least ten showers (maybe more) and THIS is the one that finally snaps the hot water handle deep inside the wall. The next thing I know there’s a plumber walking in the door saying, “I can fix that for $312.13.” I pulled out my checkbook and both mom and step dad dogpiled me, insisting that they will pay for it.

Today? Is Saturday. He had to come back because it turns out that it can’t be fixed by removing the handles. All these tiles have to come out. And it’s now running to eight hundred dollars. And oh, the sunflower shower head I have that rains this lovely rain down on you? Is all totally crimped now. Did you want another one like that? Or do you want the one that came with the replacement handles I picked up this morning? I could run out and get you one… NO. Just use what’s there. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, we need that bed and bath back, stat.

It’s Memorial Day weekend, so the kids have a three-day weekend. They are bouncing off the walls. I’d take them to a park but I can’t leave with the plumber here and I don’t want to leave mom alone. They are driving me batshit and we are all eating way too many corn chips, which will upset Phil as he bought them so he could make his famous guacamole tonight.

Here is the last update I sent to my neighbor:

omfg my mom is here convalescing and after her first shower, the handles broke inside the shower wall and the head started leaking like crazy. So, they called the plumber and he was here last night, here since ten this morning, and I just walked in and he was sawing tiles out of the wall and there is a fine blanket of dust on every surface in my bathroom and master bedroom, which I have given up for her comfort. I am going to have a bloody aneurysm before the day is out. Did I mention she has a bad propensity toward bronchitis and has trouble breathing as it is with the hay fever and smoke from the fires?

I don’t even know if we have any leftover tiles, and haven’t the faintest how to put new ones in. I’ll learn though, because I’m not paying this guy $150 just to come out whenever I need him.

And if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to break up another fight over my laptop. When Daphne was on the Mac, Dylan was bugging her for a turn. So I set him up on the couch with my laptop, and now Daphne is here, bugging him for a turn.

I have this overwhelming feeling of fatigue and… whatever. When the guy comes out with a new question about preference, I just say, whatever. I’m going to be spending the next ten hours fine-vacuuming the bed and the rooms on that side of the house.

OMG he just came out and said that the pipe inside is all rusted and hes building me a new one out of copper (my boss said, “What is he, a caveman? “me build pipe out of copper’").

*sigh* Mom’s hip isn’t the only thing we’re going to have to cover with Saran Wrap.

UGH. It’s now been seven and a half hours, Mom and I trying to think about England to keep from having to use the facilities. I already had to send the kids to the neighbor’s to use hers. I don’t think mom would make it in her walker. I was about to swallow a whole lot of pride and let my cranky ex take them for the evening (health emergency, anyone?) and he was actually on his way when the plumber came out and said that he was almost done and that we’d have water soon. So when my ex got here, I turned him back around.

And then? Anyone wanna take a guess? The guy comes out and says that there’s one more problem. The handles aren’t long enough to both fasten into the pipe and framework AND extend past the tile. It’s a critical few centimeters. He just left to look for something at Home Depot.

I am climbing the walls and running in circles grabbing my hair, and about to blow a Mindy-shaped hole in the ceiling. On the inside, of course. On the outside I’m all, “take your time” and “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, can my kid poop at your house?” and Mom, are you SURE you’re ok?” She can’t even get back into bed. By the time her husband and Phil show up ready to start dinner, she and I will be holed up under the covers, taking a very badly needed nap.

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which, incidentally, is about four feet away from this side of the house.

said on...
05.25.08 at 07:50 AM |

OMG! I hope everything is put back together by now.

How is your Mom feeling. I remember the first few weeks after my hip replacement wondering why I thought it would be a good idea but it does get better and it IS worth it.