For fuck’s sake, let’s all take a breath here. I just came back from The Mama Bee, a site I enjoy and respect and will continue to admire for taking stands. I had to respond, though, if only to keep my own public perception from going down in flames. I left this comment:
The comments about shooting for the middle are not recommendations, they are what we tell ourselves to assuage some of the feeling of having failed to reach the pinnacle. No one would tell their children to be mediocre; but we tell ourselves sometimes that good enough is good enough.
I feel like I’m shouting from underwater: we are more representative than you think!
I am not a privileged, successful mom working from home by choice. I am screwed, basically, and I’m not complaining about “oh my life is so stressful with a spouse and luxury to stay home.” I’m unemployed, single, have three kids, and no child support. I’m in perpetual fear of losing my house. I used to be the ultimate WOHM making the big bucks and supporting my family, stay at home dad and all. Back then I could get insurance. Now I have bills in collections that would make your eyes bleed.
Working 14 hour days, six, seven days a week nearly caused a nervous breakdown. My husband left, I lost my job, had biopsies and lumpectomies, and then REALLY spiraled.
I have not “climbed to some form of “the top” and can now transition to a flexible or work from home arrangement.”
I’m drowning in disaster here. Because I don’t get that published on Momversation doesn’t make it any less true.
Why are women tearing each other down? We should all be grateful for what we have, do the best we can, and support each other. It’s not a contest. And it’s not a picnic. Some women have made it to the upper levels of Maslow’s pyramid, others of us just keep redecorating the basement. But it’s damn hard to put yourself out there only to be torn down and sneered at by the very women we want to reach, from whom we want to learn, with whom we want to thrive.
By the way, Momversation is my only paying gig, and it buys the food I put on the table. Literally. Please think and go easy.
If you would like us to offer suggestions, let us know. I lobbied for a Q&A feature. The conversations are supposed to be prompts for YOU to begin the real conversation. I certainly don’t feel rarified, but since I’ve been around forever I was an easy pick. We are constantly looking for more diversity in every sense, so PLEASE apply and get heard!
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06.17.09 at 01:23 PM |
Hi Mindy,
Thanks so much for your response. I certainly didn’t intend to sneer at or tear anyone down — and I’m so sorry if it came off that way. We all face stress, no matter what our circumstances; the question is how can we improve the lives of women and mothers in this country en masse.
I hope that my post and tweets drove some folks over to your site, and that constructive conversation around your video helps to build, not damage, your base. The web is all about these conversations, and from time to time we should be able to civilly disagree. I believe that all of our sites are made better by lively, robust and respectful discussions.
In that spirit, I would suggest that, regardless of your personal story, the video you posted on a widely trafficked site with a title suggesting it represented “working mothers” got it wrong. While my post clearly upset you, your video was equally offensive. So we disagree — that’s what blogging is all about!
I’m happy to post on your site from time to time from the corporate mom perspective. For whatever reason, that view is sorely lacking from most sites for mothers. That’s why I started The Mama Bee — and why I feel obligated to write about sites that seek to represent moms but leave out, or even worse, disparage this group.
Hoping we can keep the conversation going to our mutual benefit!
Mama Bee
06.17.09 at 07:44 PM |
Mindy, I just came back from a “peruse” on MamaBee and I feel like I’m talking to a woman who lives on an entirely different planet on an entirely different universe.
Thanks for continuing to be real, because that’s where its at on the Mommy Blog circuit. Plus, a woman who gives a crepe recipe as a fast dinner fix on a Thursday night clearly isn’t anyone I want to be reading on a regular basis.
06.18.09 at 08:58 PM |
So proud that you spoke up!
06.18.09 at 10:25 PM |
I’d love to apply for a “Momversation” job. Can you help? I cannot find a place on their website to apply, or even a contact button.
Thanks in advance,
Lorrie
06.19.09 at 01:45 PM |
Lorrie!
Go to the main page and scroll down to here the panelists are. There is a blank profile that says “Be a Guest Panelist!” Click on that and send Rob and Sunny an email. You can tell them you came from my site. Good luck!
06.19.09 at 07:37 PM |
Mindy,
I LOVE what you wrote! I grew up with a mom who to this day blows my mind…she was a full-time hospital administrator, kept the books for my dad’s company, and then came home and cooked full dinners every night. (Not gourmet, but normal, like pasta or taco night…but STILL!!) Seriously, I had never even read Mama Bee and after going to check her out, I never will again as it’s just not my cup o’ tea. It’s weird, I imagine that really is who she is but at the same time it felt like she is writing a caricature of what being a WOHM is in order to try to make it a reality even though it’s not…just my opinion based on the writing.
I have a four year old, I’m married, and spent the last eight years climbing the ladder in high pressure/high income medical sales. I finally had to leave to keep my sanity and now I don’t know what I’ll do but I have never spent time in the past tearing down ANYONE, whether friend or stranger, who has a different story than my own. Hang in there….
xo
07.07.09 at 12:00 AM |
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07.14.09 at 04:00 AM |
Thanks Mindy and I sure hope that your financial situation improves. God! Have you talked to a lawyer about child support? I am one, but I can’t give advice over the internet. You may think you cannot afford a lawyer, but I say you cannot afford to not have one—there are ways of getting child support no matter what.
Call your state bar association and ask if they have helpline, or a list of lawyers who’d talk to you in person for 30 minutes for a nominal cost. They’re hoping to build their practice, and you need legal advice. Win-win.
Also, try Legal Aid, although their budget has been cut so much that they may not be able to represent you….BUT! They often have a list of lawyers who will take your case pro bono (free) and there used to be a program called “Judicare” where lawyers would take your case and Legal Aid would pick up the bill, NOT YOU. Good luck.
07.30.09 at 05:50 AM |
I found your blog on Google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future. Thanks for the informatics post. Manual Directory Submission. and Manual Social Bookmarking.