FamilySeriously, I’ve got the inclement weather, the passel of kids, people coming in and out of the house, and generous people coming out of the woodwork. All we’re missing is a war hero and a staircase finial that won’t stay put.
Yesterday, I was hopelessly underwater, such that my next paycheck would barely bring my account to zero. The water is set to be shut off in a few days. And then, and then. Help started to trickle in. A check from my father, tucked inside the stocking my stepmom knitted for me in 1975, the year they were married. A few donations through the Support This Site button over there on the right, appreciated more than I can ever say, because you don’t really KNOW me, and I am verklempt at the gesture. Thank you.
A relative who was a little cranky with me for not corresponding often enough and to whom I wrote last week saying WELL HELLS BELLS, MARGARET, THINGS ARE SHIT HERE. And today, a check for the children for Christmas. I announced its purpose to them, since there will be no gifts from me under the tree this year, and my eldest’s first and immediate response was, “I know where my share goes: I vote for groceries!” GAH. I love him.
Then, omg then, an anonymous reader sent a hundred dollar bill in a card. I was floored. I don’t know who they are, but I will do my best to track them down and thank them for covering the gas bill this month. My parents practically balled up a check and bounced it off my forehead last night for not telling them sooner I needed help. I’m a little stubborn. For those of you keeping score at home.
I made a jubilant trip to the bank to deposit my treasures, and ran back to pay bills online. Only, the bank isn’t reeeaaaalllly sure it wants to admit that the money is there. They’ve made a note of it, but they’ve put it in a parking lot in a column next to the one that says “Available Balance.” Where it doesn’t do my any good. So, I picked off a few tiny bills, ten dollars at a time, until I’d run through the portion they’d decided to lend me until they’ve run the rest through the pixie dust machine. The water and other bills will have to wait.
The good news is that I seem to have gotten through to the creditors, because I haven’t had a single call today, from the USA or India. THAT, my friends, is a vast improvement over the ten or so I was getting every day for the last month. I am unutterably grateful for that small kindness.
In other news, my home warranty company sent a plumber out to fix the children’s toilet that has been out of commission for what seems like two months (and they don’t seem to get that it’s not to be used. I put the huge, heavy porcelain cap on the seat so no one would try. But every time I think to look, there’s evidence that someone knows how to remove and replace that porcelain cap very, very quietly. Only they can’t flush, since the water’s turned off. Happy birthday to me!) So, I was overjoyed to have more than one toilet again, and won’t have to share mine with three little ones anymore.
But then there was the sink. I, um, disabled part of the main pipe when I removed the P trap to rescue my Great-Grandmother’s diamond earring I’d dropped down the drain. Like an idiot. One who actually thought, huh, I shouldn’t have the water on that high because one of these could slip—FUUUUCK.
The plumber, a very nice but stern German man, deducted that I’d probably touched the pipe, and repeated that several times so that I’d know he knew I knew he knew it was me. And there was a problem. Since I disabled the main pipe, the entire pedestal sink has to COME OUT. As in SEPARATE FROM THE WALL AND THE TILE FLOOR. As in, I have to paint an entire wall and re-tile around the base when it’s done. And, of course, after a brief consultation with the home warranty company, it could not be covered as part of the visit’s $60 deductible. See, I love this warranty, because no matter how bad the problem is, you just shell out $60 to have it fixed. Unless it’s a pedestal sink pipe I killed while trying to save a family heirloom.
Now, he’s coming back on Wednesday to pull everything out and repair the pipe for the low, low price of I DON’T HAVE IT. But it has to be done. Criminy. It’s like that old joke, “Well, your teeth are find but the gums have to come out.” The pipe can be fixed, but we have to rip the entire sink out of the wall and the floor!
In the meantime, we are tremendously grateful to each of you who have helped, who have written, and who have commiserated with us. You restore my faith in humanity.
“A toast! A toast! A toast to Mama Dollar and to Papa Dollar, and if you want to keep this old Building and Loan in business, you better have a family real quick.”
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12.22.09 at 09:51 AM |
Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. Financial hardship is so difficult. I’ve been there. We been done food stamps, WIC, and medicaid just to make it through. Hang it there!!
12.22.09 at 10:11 AM |
Hi Mindy!
Just want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a prayer that 2010 will be a helluva lot better!! It’s got to be, right? Right?
12.22.09 at 02:09 PM |
I’m sorry to hear about that.
12.22.09 at 02:32 PM |
Oh Mindy, I am sitting next to you in the boat you are in.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Also a big hug from one mom trying her hardest to another!
12.22.09 at 05:35 PM |
If you’re so broke, why did you go on vacation with your boyfriend??
12.22.09 at 05:37 PM |
@cee - he paid for everything, and I mean everything. And for those two weeks, there was no one at my house using heat, electricity, eating food, etc. Trust me, it’s not inconsistent behavior.
12.23.09 at 12:42 AM |
I was wondering the same thing as cee above….
I don’t know, even if your boyfriend paid for everything and there was nobody at your house while you were away, something doesn’t seem to add up very well. Surely you must have known you were approaching dire financial straits? Surely providing financial stability to your children should have been your priority concern?
If your boyfriend was willing to pay a holiday for you on the other side of the world, then surely he would have been able to lend you an equivalent amount of money to tide you over until things improved? You could have used the money to pay your bills, buy groceries and give your children some stability…instead of blowing it on a holiday abroad…
To my mind, there is something not quite right about you accepting to go on an all-expenses-paid foreign holiday and buying a new TV, yet then not being able to pay even a water bill, publicly lamenting your financial problems in your blog and accepting donations from strangers…
Why all the embarrassment about accepting some money from your boyfriend for car fuel if he has just footed your holiday bill?
Why not deal with the situation up-front, sit down with your boyfriend and/or family members and explain the situation you’re in, accept their help and then look for a job so it doesn’t happen again? I think it’s much worse to have to rely on charity from strangers than to accept help from the people that love you…
Having said that, I sincerely hope your situation improves and that you don’t ever have to go through this kind of thing again. Good luck with your interview, hoping the year 2010 is a better one for you.
12.23.09 at 07:42 AM |
@ cee & anonymous: Really? You are judging someone else’s financial situation. That’s really not very cool.
It sounds like the vacation was a gift. Should Mindy not be allowed to have a gift because she is having a hard time right now? I do not think so.
Also, Mindy-I think it’s pretty normal that you didn’t ask for money. That’s what most moms do, we just try to work it out ourselves. I am glad that you have such wonderful people in your life that want to help you without your having to ask.
12.23.09 at 08:35 AM |
Actually, Heather, I lost respect when I saw “anonymous.” If you are going to leave a comment, sack up and identify yourself. I do, every day.
My boyfriend planned that trip for his 40th and was going whether I went along or not. He paid for it some time ago, the timing was right, kids with the other parent, etc. It wasn’t “my” holiday, though it was a sorely needed respite from years of being stressed and worried every day. I haven’t been on true holiday in seventeen years. It gave me ten more years of life and my children a better mother.
Oh, and the TV was a gift to me to give to the children. But thanks for asking.
As for my boyfriend, I am not his financial responsibility. He has children of his own to support. I do not need nor do I have a sugar daddy, nor do I rely on the charity of strangers. I am grateful for the donations, don’t get me wrong—but they cover about one percent of the cost to run this site. I’ve been funding it myself for eight years, and continue because people find it refreshing and a safe haven, not to mention reassurance that they are not alone in everyday struggles. Also, it is my primary source of income—advertisers and projects, not charity.
If you’d read past the last few entries, you’d learn that I’ve always provided financial stability for my children—and ex-husband, who stayed home with them—but unfortunately the economy hasn’t yielded another such opportunity since my last employer went out of business. Believe me, I’m looking. Again, thanks for asking, and Happy Holidays.
Jackass.
12.23.09 at 08:38 AM |
I was going to chip in, but the temperature just got a little hot.
12.23.09 at 09:41 AM |
Really, sincere apologies if you were offended by my comment. My intention was not to offend or hurt you; just pose some questions on what you’d described in your recent entries that I was finding hard to understand. Sorry if I overstepped a boundary.
Didn’t mean to be a “jackass”, seriously.
12.23.09 at 10:40 AM |
I don’t think asking questions makes anyone ‘judgmental’ or ‘jackassy’. Mindy, you know that if you live large parts of your life online then certain aspects of it will give readers pause.
‘Anonymous’, Mindy’s life is dramatic in the extreme, certainly that part of it that she chooses to share with us, she also spends a large part of her time living at the edge of comfort, for normal people. Literary licence permits her to paint her life in a way that is entertaining as well as heart rending. There are, and always will be ‘inconsistencies’, some real and some just creative. Also, part of Mindy’s charm is that she is very real and so her responses are also real.
Anyway, all I was trying to say was that ‘Anonymous’ had legitimate questions and points, Mindy, related specifically to your recent posts. You can’t expect new readers to go back to the start and to know just how ‘interesting’ your lie can be.
12.23.09 at 11:12 AM |
Here are my favorite lines from the movie Parenthood…
Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.
...been reading your blog for years…keep on keepin’ on Mindy!
12.23.09 at 08:30 PM |
Haven’t been here in awhile, but as always, Mindy, your life is a train wreck. I think you like that, however, because it gives you fodder for your site and allows you to play the victim.
And how long ago was it that your last employer went out of business? A year ago? Longer?
Frankly, your blog is a tiring mess now, a sad commentary about someone who cannot seem to get her life together.
12.23.09 at 09:39 PM |
Yes, I love it. It is good for my mental health. And it’s such an amazing side-bonus that writing about our ups and downs has allowed me to work from home and pick up my children from school every day and have the kind of connection I could never have if I stuck them in day care ten hours a day.
You might think I’m tired, sad and a mess, but eleven million visits, CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS, and Oprah say otherwise. I see the humor in everything, something you seem to have missed and mistaken for martyrdom.
By the way, who taught you that it’s acceptable to personally attack someone who hasn’t provoked you? I’ve taught my children better than that.
You are correct, it has been over a year since my last employer went out of business. But I have been running THIS business since 2002, and it has saved us when all else failed. It has brought our family closer, fed us, allowed me to travel and speak at conferences to encourage others to view what they see as failures as permission to move on to the next promising thing.
I am so totally fucking together, more than you could possibly know from what I put here. I have a loving family, secure, loving, bright children, and a roof over our heads in one of the most desirable school districts in the state. It’s amazing that I’ve been able to hold it together IN SPITE of the ups and downs.
Earning a living is so much more than going to one office and collecting one paycheck. My living consisted of grants from a nonprofit I co-founded (went out of business once we accomplished our goal of delivering a groundbreaking study to my field), child support, and retainers from fortune 200 and 500 companies who value my opinion.
Child support stopped coming well over a year ago, the companies peeled back the mom advisory panels, and the economy tanked, all pretty much at the same time. I am a fucking hero to my family and to my children and to my ex for toughing it out, much more successfully than he has, by the way.
But I don’t talk about that stuff much, because that’s not entertaining, that’s mundane detail.
I hope you feel better soon.
12.23.09 at 10:44 PM |
But, Mindy, you aren’t so totally fucking together. You get a donation of $100 from some random person and that almost pulls your account balance up to zero?
Half of your posts are about what a wreck your life is. Or more. You play the victim constantly on your blog, but now you’re going to tell us you have it all together? Get real.
Your last place of work, in your area of expertise, went out of business a year ago. And what did you do? Collected unemployment and sat on your ass for a fucken year. Couldn’t you have taken a retail job to support your children? Being a Walgreen clerk is above you?
It’s sad, Mindy. If 11 million visits and Oprah all think you’re so great, why aren’t you a star now? Why isn’t your ad revenue from this blog supporting you and your children?
Oh, and I feel great. Thanks.
12.23.09 at 11:04 PM |
I have to admit I see inconsistencies as well. You claim you have it together and are successfully supporting your family, but you can’t afford to pay your bills? Christmas money for your children is buying groceries instead? That doesn’t scream successful to me, no matter how many times you’ve been on Oprah…
I just worry so much for your children every time I read this blog. Not to mention the constant break-ups and string of boyfriends.
It’s okay NOT to have it together! It’s okay to say you’re struggling when you so obviously are. To claim otherwise is just delusion.
12.24.09 at 02:43 AM |
Constant string of boyfriends? Two in five years?
I admit every day that I don’t feel like I have it together, because that’s how I FEEL. I have trouble with the bills just now because of medical issues (I don’t have insurance, not even COBRA because the company went out of business. They don’t pay premiums, there is no COBRA) and plumbing emergencies. We discovered a leak that had been pumping my water bill up to $400 a month when it blew out the main valve on the side of the house. I’ve talked about this. I do fine until there is an unexpected expense—emergency room, car repair, plumbing, why am I even explaining this?) and then I have trouble catching up.
The children’s Christmas money is not going to groceries. My son OFFERED, I did not take him up on it, and it is earmarked for other things he’s chosen.
You and Sally feel awfully free to jump on me without having read enough to see if your attacks are warranted.
Jiminy. Constant string of boyfriends. One for four years and another this year. Fabulous. Thank you for making me feel like I have to defend all this when I should never have stooped. Don’t read if you find it distasteful. Merry Christmas.
12.24.09 at 04:52 AM |
You know, asking questions or pointing out perceived inconsistencies is one thing, attacking and making clear judgments on a woman you only know through the little she chooses to share, is wrong. Not only is it wrong, it is rude, nasty and mean spirited. Especially given that her last few posts have been about her serious financial struggle at Christmas time.
Maybe you feel bigger by kicking someone when they are clearly down, maybe it’s just your nature to be that way but, basically you are displaying clear symptoms of jealousy and asshatiness.
You may not agree with everything Mindy does, I don’t and I’m her biggest fan, you may not like how she lives her life or how she parents but I KNOW the woman and I can tell you that, despite her many flaws, she is a wonderful, strong, protective and caring mother. She is a courageous, astute and very capable woman, and she is a solid friend.
Sure, she gets it wrong sometimes, maybe even often, but who doesn’t? If your skills, choices and character are better than Mindy’s, then go write your own blog and see if you can become what Mindy has, a successful, much read, much quoted writer and panelist who, like most other writers, manages to scrape by on what she writes.
12.24.09 at 06:10 AM |
I cannot believe certain comments above. I think people are way out of line judging the life, parenting choices and financial decisions of someone who is so wonderful who has been consistent in sharing, supporting and comforting others in need for so many years on her professional career.
Regarding your personal life, I will just say that you are wonderful Mindy! I am a single mom with three children and you are my hero!!! You really are admired all over the world, you have taken the time to give me advice and shared personal experiences that helped me tremendously. I thank you there is a single mom out there telling things like they are and helping others on the way.
You are real and you tell it like it is…. always. The good, the bad, the worst. Those who fail to see that, then they should stop reading and move on to a happy skippy blog with no real content.
I love you and wish you peace, love and quiet during the Holidays and beyond. All my love and support to you and yours.
12.24.09 at 06:17 AM |
Mindy, we started blogging around the same time but the clear difference between you and I is this… I didn’t have the balls to keep it going.
I put all the nice stuff out there and they gobbled it up. Online, I was a wonderful mother, brilliant wife, sweet friend - hell I could even paint myself a great housekeeper if I wanted to. But, that’s what it was, a verbal painting. Yes, all the good things were true, but I refused to put my sad, ugly scabby bits out there for folks to criticize.
If I had financial problems, I would hide behind a cute picture of my kids while I licked my wounds in private… when I made the wrong decisions, there was no way in hell I was going to admit it on my blog. I would only admit to my ‘mommy failures’ if I could dumb them down enough to be funny.
Although I never felt I was much of a writer, I started receiving opportunities to blog elsewhere… I have no doubt I could have had a successful and even relatively lucrative little blog… But I chickened out. I couldn’t continue to ring so false in my own ears. The emails of ‘you are so wonderful, I want to have a life just like yours’ were lovely, but knowing that my flaws were ever-present, but completely unknown to my readers weighed like a burden.
But you, dear, were brave. You created a real place for readers to come. You have inspired, encouraged and even horrified. Your train-crash-esque narrative of life is obviously enjoyable to read or you wouldn’t have 90-odd readers logged in and reading at any given time.
You’re courageous enough to stand yourself in the lime-light and let it all hang out. You’ve kept your head above the parapet, dodged the pot shots and kept writing. Well done you!
I’m not here to defend your actions, decisions or parenting style - nor would I expect you to do the same for me, but I will say that I admire your pluck and resilience. Your willingness to “blog it all” opens you up to the scrutiny of the masses - it goes with the territory. I was never prepared to let that happen to me, but you show the mommy-blogging world that Mindy is not perfect, Mindy makes it a day at a time like the rest of us mortals do… but we don’t have the courage to talk about it.
To those that judge so harshly and take the opportunity to kick when someone’s down… were you never taught not to throw stones unless you, yourself, were without fault? I wonder how YOUR real story would read?
12.24.09 at 09:42 AM |
It is so disappointing to see the way some people treat others on the internet.
Cee and Sally and anonymous and anyone else with a problem-why do you even come to Mindy’s blog? Why do you come and then feel the need to judge? It’s cruel and it’s childish. Did you never learn that if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all?
Mindy-I love your blog and I will keep coming back, ignore the haters. Have a Merry Christmas!
12.24.09 at 09:55 AM |
I’m sorry, I have been reading your blog for awhile but it seemed like you have recently been in several relationships that didn’t work out. Perhaps I’m misunderstood.
I’m sorry for ever bringing anything up. I was honestly curious why you were on vacation when you can’t afford to pay your bills. Anyway, it’s the holidays and I hope you find peace and joy during this difficult time.
12.24.09 at 10:38 AM |
Really, I appreciate the pull-back, but to say in public that I have a parade of men running through my children’s lives is hard to unsay and for me is hard to unhear. I know that was Cee, but you are blending together. My parents, siblings, coworkers, everyone I care about reads my blog, and now I get to go have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with them with this fresh on everyone’s mind. They are worried enough already, and have helped a lot already. You have no idea how you’ve hurt me, for no benefit to anyone.
12.24.09 at 11:06 AM |
You know, I stopped reading these comments halfway through. Some of you people are disgusting. SUCH appalling behavior!
People reveal the details about their lives they want to reveal. You don’t know Mindy OR her situation just because you read this blog. And a year of unemployment in the middle of the WORST ECONOMIC CRISIS SINCE THE GREAT DEPRESSION? That’s nothing. Mindy is not alone in that, by far. Even retail jobs are hard to come by. I myself was unemployed for 9 months and possibly still would be if not for dumb luck.
It’s one thing to raise questions on a post like this, it’s another to attack and to be judgemental and cruel. Lay the fuck off.
Merry Christmas, Mindy. 2010 will hopefully be a better year.
12.24.09 at 11:20 AM |
Never feed the trolls, sweetie.
I’ve been visiting your blog since ~ well, it feels like forever! ~ maybe late 2002 or early 2003? I typed “mommy blog” into a search engine and there you were. :D I’ve read everything you’ve ever posted here. All of it, the good the bad, the hilarious and sad…and I’ve never once worried about your kids. You put them first, just like any good mother does, and your love for them shines through in every word.
“String of boyfriends”?!? That comment just pissed me off on your behalf. You’ve been extremely circumspect in your dating life, as far as I can see. What, moms aren’t allowed to have a social life?!? Puh-leeze.
As far as your financial life is concerned ~ it’s no one else’s business if you take a (free!) trip. I wish there was someone in my life who would take me places. LOL My husband and I are in a really rocky place financially, too ~ and our marriage (of 20 years!) is on the skids. I don’t write about it because I am not brave. I am too proud. But that $50 gift card I won from you a couple of months ago? Bought groceries that I couldn’t have afforded otherwise. Your stick-to-it-iveness is an inspiration to me, and you inspired me to go find a job with a non-profit. Granted, I don’t make enough $$, but I finally feel like I’m doing something to help others ~ and without your inspiration, I would never have even tried to get this position. So thank you.
I just wanted you to know that I’m in your corner, rooting for you, sending you lots of love over the interwebs (even when I am remiss in commenting!) and pulling for you and your family…always. Ignore the mean comments. Hell, delete them. (I would!) Life is too short to deal with idiots.
Love you, mean it ~ and appreciate you more than I can say. Thanks for putting parts of your life out there ~ you’ve helped me feel less alone, inspired me, made me laugh, and even made me cry. You ROCK! So try not to let the nay-sayers get you down.
xoxo ~
Kim
12.24.09 at 02:18 PM |
Amber, I haven’t even begun to formulate an answer to your comment, mostly because I can’t see the effing keyboard through the tears. I love you so much, and feel so privileged to still have your friendship after all these years—yours was the first blog I EVER read! I wish we had been born into the same family, and that is the highest compliment I can pay someone. Except Guy. Because that would be creepy.
Love to you, Len, Hannah, Heidi, Daniel and Rosie. Tell those bobbyheads I love them and miss them even if they have no idea who I am anymore. I miss Daniel’s big eyes and the way Rosie’s hair smells.
12.24.09 at 04:12 PM |
Great, she makes you cry and what do I get? Nada. Nothing. Not even one single hot, salty tear. I’m gutted. I bet Santa has your name in his “Bad Book”! :)
xxx
12.24.09 at 05:18 PM |
Zeno, I thanked you in private. :) And you know by that that (almost) everything I say to Amber also applied to you, baby.
12.25.09 at 02:31 AM |
Pedestal sinks come in two pieces—the stand and the sink itself. The plumbing fits inside the pedestal, which is secured to the floor. The sink is mounted to the wall and also rests on the pedestal stand.Fitting the plumbing inside the pedestal can be close work.
kitchen sinks
12.25.09 at 12:33 PM |
I saw today that you were taking a break at least in part because of the comments here. I think you deserve a break and time to just be with your family and friends. I never read the comments so had no idea this was happening. People are jerks half the time. I’m sorry they turned it on you. They can’t really know the life you are leading, just as I can’t. But I enjoy reading your QOTD and the stories about your struggles, successes and what comes in between. Thank you.
For the record, I was one of the readers who sent you a small amount to help support the site. I hope you used it for ANYTHING you might have needed or wanted. I’ve read this site for years and, although I bought your book, I have done nothing else to support your efforts in all that time. I’m ashamed it took me so long to do something to show you how much I appreciate your efforts.
Really, thank you and Merry Christmas.
12.26.09 at 11:45 AM |
Mindy—I always read but never comment. people that type nasty words behind the anonymous mask made me nauseous. I mean really—- get some MANNERS. At times in my life I have fluctuated between the example of what NOT to do, and a fairly normal person. Always, always, I didn’t want to HEAR about it—I already KNEW.
Chin up, put on some fresh makeup, shoulders back, and bury 2009 in a pit in the backyard. You are refreshing and have an aspect to your personality that shimmers and sparkles—- I like you.
12.26.09 at 04:14 PM |
Unfortunately one-dimensional twunts like Sally, Cee and Anon only see this side of you, Mindy. They don’t seem to get that blogging is cathartic much of the time. Sometimes it’s just a catalyst for an outpouring that you can’t do anywhere else. They don’t know that sometimes you experience great stuff or things are said which you, frankly, don’t need to share on a blog. Sometimes the validation for when the bad shit happens is all that’s needed and that’s what gets posted. I get that, I used to do it myself.
Now, you hussy gold-digger, get back to enjoying Christmas. :) All the best from me.
12.27.09 at 07:53 PM |
It never ceases to amaze me how judgmental people can be about things they don’t have to live through themselves.
It’s equally as ridiculous to pretend to have just been “curious” when back peddling, it’s entirely transparent and insults one’s intelligence.
Mindy,
from one single mama to another,
You have the right to vacation, to have 2 million boyfriends if you want to, and to write freely about the trials and tribulations of life on your own blog without being attacked by ignorance. There are less people who can relate to you than those who cannot, but it’s the ones who can who read your posts and thank the universe that there is SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE who understands what they are going through. It’s the ones who can, who feel a little bit less alone when they visit you. It’s the ones who can who feel a little stronger and a little saner knowing that it’s not just them.
Thanks for being brave enough to let them into your world.
http://www.theladyslounge.com
12.29.09 at 09:34 AM |
mindy,
i found you through momversation. this is the first time i have visited your personal blog. i can’t tell you what you have given me through your honesty. i have a tendency to feel like i am the only one struggling. your words were just what i needed.
i’m so sorry that these asshats come on here to judge you and be hateful. don’t ever stop doing what you’re doing.