Me, Me, MeBackstory: Phil is traveling for two weeks. While he’s been gone, I’ve lost six pounds just sitting here, not eating and drinking like a sheik for once.
So, proud that I’ve done so well and haven’t had a sip of alcohol in all that time, I had a small glass of wine with lunch.
I just looked over and saw that there was a sip left, so I kept mousing with my right hand and downed the rest with my left.
Huh. There was something in my mouth. Was it a pretzel? I was snacking, but not over the glass. Piece of napkin? Only one way to find out: spit it out.
Ladies and gentleman, I spit out a live fly. He’s actually still twitching. Soon I will get up and rinse the glass over the disposal, flip the switch, and walk away for a moment.
GREAT GOOGLY MONKEY FUCK I just pulled a fucking FLY LEG off of my TONGUE.
I don’t think I can blog here anymore.
I write. A lot.
I also design stuff and collect funny things kids say. Oh, and please buy my book. It's very funny.
I also review books and keep track of them in The Mommy Blog Amazon Book Store.
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07.11.08 at 05:36 PM |
did you really lose 6 lbs? good for you. I lost 4 last week and it was cause I walked my butt off. Now, back to sitting on it.
07.11.08 at 07:12 PM |
So much for blogging and drinking.
07.11.08 at 09:23 PM |
Just had a nice dinner out with my folks.. just got back. Ugh–was doing so well with the wine, but I did only have one glass… after the martini. I’ve already forgotten what that fly felt like in my—bluuurrrrggghh.
07.11.08 at 09:35 PM |
Birthday party for 5, five-year olds and my partents tomorrow. Thinking of falling into the tub with a glass of wine...now maybe just an icey glass of water.
Thanks for the chuckle… I needed that today.
07.12.08 at 06:08 AM |
Eeeeeeewwww.
Hey, it’s martini night here. Hop a plane and be here by 7:00.
07.12.08 at 06:09 AM |
I forgot to say congrats on the 6 pounds. That is excellent.
07.12.08 at 01:47 PM |
Awesome. I’m so sober (almost 7 mos. pregnant!) that I would drink a whole glass of flies if they were swimming in chardonnay. I guess your story gives new meaning to that Alanis Morrisette song, “Isn’t it Ironic.” Love the blog, by the way.
07.13.08 at 02:34 PM |
I once served my wife a cup of hot chocolate crawling with little white bugs without even realizing it. (I guess that canister had been sitting at the back of the cupboard one decade too long!)
07.13.08 at 10:02 PM |
I narrowly missed swallowing about 8 fruit flies like 8 protein pills the last time I left a glass of wine out. Flypaper, you may now step down. Check me out at mrsmouthy.com.
07.14.08 at 02:58 PM |
Sorry to hear about the fly but at least it wasn’t a maggot
.
07.15.08 at 05:31 AM |
Your blog is a riot!! Thanks for making me laugh. I am going to keep checking it out. And I want to buy your book too!!! Cant wait.
07.15.08 at 09:49 AM |
You know when my DH leaves out of town, i eat SO much more! I go out to eat on my way to ....everywhere. I need to try your method. And a fly..well, i agree w/ above posters...atleast not a maggot.
trisha
07.15.08 at 01:23 PM |
GGMF thats disgusting. I don’t know though. Maggots are supposed to be pretty nutritious. At least that’s what Survivor Man says.
07.20.08 at 12:35 PM |
Gross, gross, GROSS!
I just ran across your blog and you are cracking me up!
