Friday, April 11, 2008 
I'm not even halfway through Cindy La Ferle's article yet, but I'm already wondering if it's time to stop. Maybe I've said too much. Maybe I've said all I have to say. Maybe I could wait tables with the time I use to write so I could at least bring home tips. This quote from the author's ten year old son cut especially close to the bone: “I wish you’d quit writing about me,” he repeated, fighting tears as he ran upstairs. “I don’t want to ruin your job, but that’s just how I feel.” It was a very brave thing to say, since he knew he had posed a serious dilemma: The small-but-faithful readership had made it clear that the “kid columns” were my best stuff and they wanted more."
That's it, right there. That's me.
Mommy blogs: Where have all our boundaries gone?
There’s an interesting article on “mommy blogs” in the 4/10 edition of The Wall Street Journal. Frankly, I’m not quite sure what to make of the mommy-blog phenomenon. (For starters, as another commentator suggested, the use of the word “mommy” here is a bit condescending — as if there’s something small or inferior about motherhood?) But really, it’s the privacy issue — the blazing lack of boundaries — that disturbs me. And I wonder: do younger mothers today lack real-life friends with whom to share their deepest personal issues? Is blogging just an antidote to boredom and loneliness?
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I write. A lot.
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04.12.08 at 07:13 AM |
The article raises some good points, and it’s a personal decision.
I for one would really miss you if you decided to stop.
04.12.08 at 07:48 AM |
She has a valid point. My kids have a fit if I tell their grandmother something they did or said.
I like to read your blog whether your writing about the kids or not. It’s a tough call. Good luck with it.
04.12.08 at 03:49 PM |
I’ve often wondered what my kids are going to think about my blogging as they get older. Never mind what I write about them, but what I write about myself - and dealing with my own parental issues!! Yikes!! I like the way she handled it though. Seemed like a very good compromise, especially for such a public blog.
04.13.08 at 05:10 PM |
It’s admirable that she is seeking compromise. I do however feel it’d be a pity if you gave up blogging. Perhaps there is some way for you to also find a middle ground. I guess it’s all about why you blog. If the reason is to reach out to people as a mother and build friendships and a sort of support group, then a blog with better privacy control might be better for you. I.PH blogs for instance, allows users to choose who can see which articles and permission can be given even to people who don’t have I.PH accounts. This way, you can select your audience much much better. An interesting story about your kid can be shared to some trusted individuals but kept safe from the eyes of that child’s peers. Anyway, I just wanted to share my 2 cents. Have a great day. Blog on!
04.13.08 at 11:02 PM |
I used to blog about more personal things about my son until at the age of 8 he asked to be told if I wrote about him.
Tell me this, do you think Leta (dooce’s daughter) is going to be okay with all the negative things said about her. You think Leta is going to be okay to be known as the kid with the crazy mom who blogs about drinking, taking Prozac and how awful most of Leta’s early life presence was to Heather.
I don’t think so.
If your child is old enough to get on the net and surf they WILL find your words some day. Will you be okay with what you’ve shared about them, the divorce? I’m not pointing fingers Mindy because I’m guilty myself. I just think this was a wake up call to parents to stop sharing so much, hold your family to yourself and don’t give away the most precious gift we all have. Family.
04.14.08 at 07:24 AM |
My kid already knows how to surf the web and knows how to find my site. He tells his friends about it because he is proud of me. He knows I’ve told some stories he’d rather I hadn’t, but he also knows how fiercely I love them by the rest of the stories.
Also, up to this point and forever more, I have not written about any but the most superficial and neutral aspects of the divorce. Every single person who knows us has commented on how well I treated it, how fair I was, and how I made him look much better than others might have. He read the manuscript and was given editorial power over the bits referring to him.
I always write with my world looking over my shoulders. I haven’t written anything that I would not say out loud. My family has read my book. Mom edited it for me and has read it several times, so I can be sure that I didn’t cross any lines there. The kids haven’t read it but I read from it to them and only skip the cursing (sometimes I have to skip whole pages) but they will be of age someday and can read all they like. I write with that in mind always.
That is my insurance policy.
I almost deleted your comment because it certainly did point fingers at someone I respect for having pulled through the worst kind of postpartum depression. I went through four bouts myself and it was hell (the first was after my first pregnancy ended at five and a half months. Betcha didn’t know that.). I know that writing kept me from losing my mind. I cannot begin to judge anyone, knowing what I have been through myself, and knowing that no one could imagine what it was like to be in that place where nothing makes sense.
I think Leta will treasure her mother’s letters and loving words. There is far more good in both of us than bad, and we both have the support of our immediate families, which is a lot more than some of us have had, even me, while I was married.
I suppose I’ve answered my own question now! Thank you! See, I could have been agonizing over that for who knows how long. http://themommyblog.net/ee/images/smileys/raspberry.gif
04.15.08 at 04:05 AM |
And that is why I keep coming back here. Thank you.
It’s Spring Break here and right now I have four 17 year old boys in my living room having a RockBand marathon.They started at 7 AM and plan to play every song in the game. I believe he has 72 songs!!! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
04.16.08 at 01:22 AM |
Wait, you mean this is all REAL? I thought it was a fictive device so you could explore your creative side more fully.
Man, I am going to have to think differently about what I read from now on… and watch out for fricken death eaters.