TheMommyBlog

I saw this earlier and I want to tell you that my parents got divorced when I was a freshman in college. They got separated my junior year in high school, and yeah, I guess it was tough at times, but it really was a wonderful thing that happened to our family. I know it’s weird to say that, but my relationship with my parents blossomed after their divorce, and I felt like we went from having a parent-child relationship, to a friendship—with the respect for my parents still intact. I really got to know my parents as people rather than just my Mom and Dad. I’m not an advocate for divorce by any means, but I think your children will grow up to see you and your ex-husband in healthy relationships (even if it’s with other people) and they will value those relationships. I think it’s harder when kids grow up in a household where, even if their parents don’t fight, they just sort of co-exist for their children. Children are very smart and quickly pick up on things like that. I’m sure you and your ex made the decision to divorce with your children in mind, and as they grow up, they will come to know that they always came first.
Oh, and one more thing, if you’re happy now, your kids know. Growing up with a happy mom, even one who is divorced, is the best thing you can give to them. Their lives are so not ruined:)

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Hi Mindy, I was just watching this video on momversation and had to come here to comment.
I am sending you a VERY OVERLY LARGE HUG from Australia! You really touched me with what you said.
From
Sarah xoxo

Dear Mindy,
My parents, 1 American, 1 German, were married for 14 years.When I was 2 and my brother was zero, they were so unhappy (my Mom wanted to go back to Germany, my father wanted to stay in Arkansas) that they went to look for a place to live that both could agree on. They landed in Oregon, and then Washington State. The move was fine, but it did not solve their problems. After a few years, they only communicated through necessary statements and post-its on the fridge. I was 12 when they, let me say it, FINALLY separated in 1989. My father moved out, and my mother made secret plans to move to Germany… with us. One day, she turned around in the car and said: I am going back to Germany, do you want to come with me? I was 12, my brother, 10. Do kids want to stay with their Mom? Yes. Especially if she was a SAHM, and very, let me say, “political” in our upbringing… divide and conquer, you know? She was also very alone there and not an extroverted.
We left Washington after sending our things per mail to my German grandparents, using different post offices and my brother and my allowance saving accounts. We arrived in a country with a different language, school/social structure, and no financial background. We lived with my grandparents for 6 months (not very happily), and then my mother got a job and we started building our lives again. My mother, in an act of will, gave us all opportunities we could possibly have. Except to know and accept our father. He is to this day only called “the Asshole”, if spoken about at all. Behind my mother’s back, I have re-erected a relationship with my father’s family (thankfully, my paternal grandmother is still alive), and also, albeit tentatively, a communication with my father, who I will for the first time in a couple of weeks.

My parents’ divorce has formed my outlook on life, my language, my relationships and even my career, since I am now fluent in 2 languages. I have overcome difficulties, gone through therapy, come out whole, but not unscathed. I wish for any divorce family that they do not go down the path I went. I see so many opportunities to make so much more out of a situation like ours. And most of all, i wish parents could get over their bitterness to support their children first. I think you are doing just that. Heartfelt congratulations – I am absolutely sure that it will never be 100% easy, but to go there and be that honest and loving person for your children, I admire that absolutely.

Thank you for showing me that it can be different. Honest (as my mother thinks she is), and emotional (oh yeah), but still different and good.

My husband and I have divorced grandparents, parents and uncles. We hope it isn’t in the genes… And we are trying for a baby. But if you ever have to go there, we hope to do better. And that is a lesson out parents have taught us.

I think divorce can and defiantly does have a huge effect on children but at the same time to stay in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of your children is just as bad.  Kids aren’t stupid and they know when you are not happy.  Although it is hard at the time it is nice once time passes and then both parents are able to move on to happier lives as they can be better/ happier people for themselves and their kids.