TheMommyBlog

Science projects: Boosting Profits for Big Pharma Every Day.

Forty-one photos, 27 observations & measurements, and one conclusion later, we had Mom sitting on the floor with everything scattered about, thinking, "WHY DID I GO OUT OF TOWN THIS WEEK?" I had to be in NY for three days, the last three days before Logan's science project was due, and his father left town several hours before I returned.

Pop Quiz: How many people does it take to handle a one-hour overlap between after school care and Mom arriving home? Take your time. Show your work.

I'll back up a bit. Yes, we did start late, and only had three or four weeks of data instead of however long we were given, but that's all you need when you're watching radish sprouts grow. So, Logan had a poster board, he planted a frazllion seeds and nurtured them for three weeks, I took dozens of photos and carefully labeled and cropped each one, and all that had to be done was the observations and assembly of the project board. That's when I turned it over to Dad for three days over a weekend.

When I landed last night and called for a status report, Grandma, Grandpa, and all three children were at a crafts store buying a replacement board for the one Logan left at school, the person who was supposed to pick Logan up from after school care for baseball practice ("BASEBALL PRACTICE?" I shouted at my cell phone voice mail) forgot to do so and saved me chewing someone out and ranting about priorities, and that was a good thing, except that mom only had instructions to pick up two children and would have left the third if they hadn't caught a glimpse of him out there playing dodge ball. Jesus wept.

Meanwhile, Daddy had left a lawyer-sized manila envelope on my kitchen table with all the photos and materials to be CUT OUT AND PASTED, along with—sing with me here—a poster board identical to the one my folks spent forever securing last night at rush hour. At least we had backup in case of fire.

I dusted off my Creative Memories industrial-sized paper cutter and went to town while Logan looked on fearfully. "Mom, don't cut off your fingers. Please don't cut off your fingers."

Well, there was no way everything was going to fit, so I swept all the cuttings and pieces of observation into a pile and opened Power Point. "Logan, I am SO glad you use Power Point at school. I am SO glad you already had all your observations and conclusion written and in slides when I got home. I am now going to shove everything into Keynote so we can get these photos into groups in nice little frames to go along each piece of information. It's the only way we can fit everything in." He was shaking and stressed out, and so was I. After it was all laid out, I decided it could be glued in the morning.

Except, when we woke up, we realized we didn't have a glue stick. Three children in grade school could not produce one, I could not find one an any of the junk drawers, art boxes, crayon cases, cupboards, or couch cushions. Not one. And you can't use tape, because that would look sloppy. As opposed to a pile of paper and photos.

After thirty feverish minutes of searching, I found a teeny tiny bottle of Elmer's and shouted with joy. "Get a Q-tip, baby, we're going to make it!"

And we did. Logan's project rode shotgun all the way to school, and I abandoned the car to inevitable papering with DON'T PARK HERE signs, and marched that puppy safely to the class line-up spot. We go there three minutes before the bell rang. Logan said it was going to be the best week of his life.

The other two children, however, need softening up. They got none of the usual attention and help getting ready, were shooed away anytime they got near our work space, and Dylan announced he was not going to listen to me for the next five years. Even when I carried him to class in my arms, facing me, he wouldn't make eye contact until I ordered him not to do it. Heh. I got a kiss and a nose rub before I said goodbye.

And everyone's coming straight home instead of going to after school care just so they can have more time with me now that I'm back.