TheMommyBlog

Saturday, October 24, 2009 Bad Mood Dude, Family, QOTD

If I have to drive over to my ex’s house one more time for a math book or blanket or shoe I will flay myself alive with an ice cream scooper.

I chatted with my mom while I was waiting at the curb today and eventually noticed that the kids were lounging around the yard, not collecting belongings.

“What are you doing? Do you have everything you need?”

“Yeah, we were just giving you some talking time.”

I wiped my hand from my forehead to my chin. “Please get in the car and let’s go, or I swear I will beat you blue…”

“What about black?”

“Oh, that will come later, but first cyanosis sets in… the blue once the oxygen is depleted… WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS? Get in the car!”

Later, in the house, the humming of the Sonic theme song continued, the chatter about dance routines, and “yo mama” jokes went on and on until I could not stand it. “Children, please, I really don’t want to hurt any of you. You know, that used to be less of an empty threat just a century ago.”

“Mom, are you crazy? If we still lived in times when you could get away with beating me senseless, do you really think I’d be this annoying?”