TheMommyBlog

Monday, April 20, 2009 Family

Of all the lines to pop out of my mouth… ugh! I woke up just in time to catch the segment on ABC news about Federated Media and blogging, and realized two things: Horizontal stripes are not my friend, and my kids really do blur when they’re on the run. Picture the Road Runner right before he comes to a sudden, twanging stop. That was them, sliding down from the fort into a tent at the end of the slide while Kristen Sze wrapped up under the wisteria.

Anyway, my little brother just became a father yesterday, and his lovely wife gave our family the first baby girl in forty years. Lorimer gals are rare indeed—I’m doing the family charts, and have concluded that while there were men all over the place, for a woman to be a Lorimer in Scotland you had to marry one.

Perfect segue into this morning’s news. In the segment, when asked what I thought people find appealing about my writing, I said, “For instance, people believe that you fall in love with your baby the second you lay eyes on it, but for some people that’s just not true. They think, ‘Take the thing away and get me a sandwich!’”

NICE.

That was actually a famous quote among a circle of friends. A girlfriend went through what felt like a hundred hours of labor, and for most of that she was was not allowed to eat. As her husband tells the story, as soon as the baby was born, weighed, and presented to her to hold, she handed it off to her husband and asked for someone to please just get her a fucking sandwich.

Et voila.

The gist of what I was saying was that for seven years this has been a safe place for us to admit that everything does not go according to cultural expectation. You love your children dearly, but there are days when you’d trade them for a sandwich and four hours of continuous sleep.

Have I mentioned I love sandwiches?

Ugh! The clothes rack I borrowed when my dryer was broken LAST YEAR is still in the yard. Klassy.