FamilyHad to walk away from the kitchen for a sec. I think it’s been at least a week and a half since I’ve put on my funny cap and hung a stubby smoke out of the coner of my mouth and done the short-order thing with the kids. Funny how nerve-wracking it is when you’re not used to it. (Note to Gil: you ROCK. I don’t know how you stay off the booze.)
Further evidence of cowardice: I know for a fact that as I am typing this that the two younger ones are pooling resources (Dylan’s topographical knowledge and Daphne’s smaller hands) to break into the candy drawer. I hear plastic rustling and furtive whispering, but it fades if I turn up the radio…
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My son was in the same room as me when I was getting dressed one day. I scratched the top of my left breast a little and he said, “Mommy, you are touching your —-!”
I said to him, “I just have an itch,” to which he responded, “That’s *your* excuse!”
Jet, 4
Jax: Mommy, here’s a little piece of toilet paper to wipe the tip.
Mommy: The tip of what?
Jax: Your penis.
Jax, 3
After being told to go outside and pick up the dog poop, he goes outside, whines and complains. He comes back in and says, “Mom, I think the dog over-pooped.”
Luke, 8
When I woke up one morning with a sore throat, raspy voice, and fever, my three-year-old, Emilie, asked me what was wrong. I said, “Mama has a cold…” and she felt my cheek for a minute before saying, “No. You has a hot!”
Emilie, 3
Do you know how I memorized 2 x 11? I have this fake pencil in my brain, and it writes down the multiplication!!
Hugo, 6
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