WorkbitsI just picked up some Italian dry salame, cheese, crackers, and a nice Vieux Chateau Gaubert, and there is NO WINE OPENER in this godforsaken office.
I am seriously thinking of cracking the bottle open on the edge of my desk and drinking whatever doesn’t spill.
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My son was in the same room as me when I was getting dressed one day. I scratched the top of my left breast a little and he said, “Mommy, you are touching your —-!”
I said to him, “I just have an itch,” to which he responded, “That’s *your* excuse!”
Jet, 4
Jax: Mommy, here’s a little piece of toilet paper to wipe the tip.
Mommy: The tip of what?
Jax: Your penis.
Jax, 3
After being told to go outside and pick up the dog poop, he goes outside, whines and complains. He comes back in and says, “Mom, I think the dog over-pooped.”
Luke, 8
When I woke up one morning with a sore throat, raspy voice, and fever, my three-year-old, Emilie, asked me what was wrong. I said, “Mama has a cold…” and she felt my cheek for a minute before saying, “No. You has a hot!”
Emilie, 3
Do you know how I memorized 2 x 11? I have this fake pencil in my brain, and it writes down the multiplication!!
Hugo, 6
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03.22.04 at 05:01 PM |
Good luck with that!!!!!!!!!!
03.22.04 at 05:04 PM |
Okay don’t panic let me talk you through this! Get a letter opener and push the cork all the way through. We’ll of course you’re drinking the whole thing!
03.22.04 at 05:06 PM |
OK, why am I not surprised that:
a) Jim would have an office supply-based solution, and
b) that it would result in my having to drink the whole bottle?
03.22.04 at 05:36 PM |
when I was, eh, 18? my then-boyfriend and I brought a bottle of wine to a nice nature-park type spot, but we didn’t have an opener ... so he tried out his ignition key. and it broke in the cork. and that was decidedly an unromantic moment. He didn’t own another ignition key, needless to say ...
Later he rigged up a toggle switch to his ignition, but then he had to remove the alternator cap whenever we left the car anywhere.
so--knock yourself out with office replies, but put the keys down.
03.22.04 at 05:37 PM |
uh, that would be office *supplies*, not *replies*, editor. [smacks forehead]
03.22.04 at 05:52 PM |
Oooooh, flashback! My wasband used to have a little Porsche 914, which was stolen while we were on our honeymoon. We got it back eventually, minus the beautiful new custom seats and the ignition column.
For months, I drove it around unrepaired, keeping a screwdriver in my purse for starting the car, and a rag for storing a hose from the distributor cap, which I removed each time I parked the car so that no one else could start it.
Ah, young love.
03.23.04 at 04:10 AM |
I would have recommended the Bic pen straw, but the letter opener works too.
03.23.04 at 04:26 AM |
... as does a hypodermic needle and a bicycle pump, but they aren’t always close to hand when you need them.