TheMommyBlog

Friday, May 29, 2009 Bad Mood Dude, Family

I just came back from my son’s baseball game, where my two youngest, who often call me from their Dad’s house in the throes of agony from missing me so much, ran off to play and only said hello so they could ask for a dollar.

Just as I was picking my way down and through the bleachers, I wobbled on the last bench and did a full Gaynor into the packed dirt and landed up against the fence, right next to my kid’s dugout. They were having a huddle on the pitcher’s mound and didn’t notice, thanks be to bacon. Anyway, my glasses went one way, my keys another and everything spilled out of my purse: my pashmina (why did I bring it? Why? Who cares if the kids need to huddle when it gets cold?), Heather’s book, and a bottle of Motrin that rolled out and away in a lazy arc, coming to a rest in front of the team mom.

I don’t know how I landed the way I did. My glasses were half off my face. I have NEVER worn my glasses to a game before today, but I wanted to see my boy pitch. Also? I’ve spent WEEKS trying to get them adjusted just right so that they didn’t dig into my nose or fall onto my chin. I was really smarting, totally embarrassed, and needed to get up off the ground and out of there ASAP. Gil jumped down and started brushing the dirt off my shoulders, back, jeans…

“Hey!”

“Oops, sorry. Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yep, I’m good, just going home now.” Everyone was chiming in.

“That last step’s a lulu!”

“Have that glass of wine.”

“You mean you haven’t already?”

Ha, ha, walking away, fumbling for my keys. Oh, no. No. “Anyone seen my keys?”

“Should we give them to you?”

“They’re probably in center field.”

“Well, I’m not going far without them, hang on…” And then I saw them. They’d sailed under the fence and skidded to a halt just this side of the warm-up deck. Christ in a sidecar.

“Gil, see them over there? Look, by the fence—no, under the fence—can you reach them?”

“Yeah…got ‘em!”

“Thanks. I’m going home now and will be getting drunk.”

Look at that. I had to drop my shoes and dusty jeans in the hall and then have a shower to scrub all the rocks and dirt out of my elbow. Now I’m just waiting for it to finish swelling up and oozing so I know where to put the band-aids. I actually picked up a box of those extra-large patches with Neosporin in them yesterday at the store, but put them back because they weren’t on sale.

Fuck a duck.