TheMommyBlog

Tuesday, April 13, 2004 Family

I just had the most amazing conversation with my husband… and yes, he knows I’m doing this. At any rate, he’s been fairly warned already.

While we are having our trial separation, we’ve agreed to look into (more) counseling, together and separately, and to share our findings. It seems a prudent course of action. This way we get to retreat to our respective corners, bone up on Dr. Laura (kidding), get some perspective, all without having to pay for a separate residence or spooking the kids. We go off separately, regroup on our anniversary next month, and then go from there.

So get this: he’s been reading a book he finds helpful, which is great. He’s also just contacted the author, who puts on (of course) a retreat for couples. In Big Sur. Which shouldn’t cost much.

So of course I was flippant right out of the chute and asked the price, and he got back to me with the breakdown for five days. Keep in mind that food is included in all of the rates.

Standard Accommodations: $1,050 per person.
Single Housing: available on a limited basis for an additional $70 per day.
Bunk Bed Rooms: $795 per person.
Sleeping Bags: $475 per person. Meeting rooms are sometimes used as shared sleeping bag space and may be available for workshop participants with limited financial means. Sleeping bag spaces are for sleeping only, as meeting rooms are frequently in use between 9 a.m. and 11 p.m. and therefore inaccessible. There is a 7-day limit on sleeping bag stays.
Own Accommodations: $580 per person. [Apparently, it costs more to drive in each day than it costs to crash on the floor.]

But wait, there’s more! There are scholarships available! That’s right! In exchange for a work commitment ("usually in the kitchen") of either 4 or 8 hours, you will receive a discount of $50 or $100! That’s $12.50 an hour! That may even be more than your nonworking spouse earns back home!

At this point, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t continue the conversation. In all fairness, so was Gil. I could just see the couples signing up for this thing. There’s nothing quite like having the opportunity to fight over someone else’s dirty dishes to patch up a relationship.

On arrival:

Mrs. Bickerson: [glaring at the bunk beds]
Mr. Bickerson: [testing the bounce of the mattress on lower bunk with hands] “Well, honey! This is it! Or home for the next five days!
Mrs. Bickerson: [crosses arms]
Mr. Bickerson: “Heh. Or I could take the top bunk.”

Over in the next wing:

Mr. Bickerson: “Isn’t this great, doll? It’ll be just like when we used to sneak off into the meadow with your parents’ old horse blanket.”
Mrs. Bickerson: [glaring at the sleeping bags and the tables pushed to the side of the room]
Mr. Bickerson: [cough] “And we could even zip our bags together! What do you say, there, kitten? Rowrr!”
Mrs. Bickerson: [looks at bottom of shoe, flicks off piece of stale popcorn]
Mr. Bickerson: “I always thought our mattress was too soft. Could be a sore back that’s been making us so grumpy!”

Later, on KP duty:

Mrs. Bickerson: “Excuse me?”
Mr. Bickerson: “Well, it’s just a couple of hours after dinner. We can talk the whole time, just you and me. Like when we were first married.”
Mrs. Bickerson: [blank stare]
Mr. Bickerson: Well, and the Bielskis, of course. They’re three sleeping bags over.” [waves to Mr. Bielski]
Mrs. Bickerson: “We’re cleaning the kitchen.”
Mr. Bickerson: “Nothing that we wouldn’t be doing at home anyway, muffin. You want to wash, or dry?”
Mrs. Bickerson: [exchanges murderous glances with Mrs. Bielski]