TheMommyBlog

1. I learned that Sean Connery is not, in fact, over six feet tall. But he is really cute when he giggles at somebody else’s misfortune.

2. I learned that the airport in Toronto sells some really hideously ugly house decorations. Neither Lee nor I felt secure enough to actually describe the gift I brought for him, just the niceties for the girls. I was embarrassed paying money for it, and I am sure he pitched it into the nearest crapper wastecan he passed after saying goodbye to me.

3. I learned that no matter how loudly you laugh or how closely your laughter resembled an asthma attack (or an aneurism for that matter) no one will give any indication that they have heard. Really, I was falling out of my chair, reading the haiku Lee was sending to my goodlink at the gate while I waited for my flight. Really, I was weeping and braying and was really quite embarrassed.

4. I learned that Lee is a cheap bastard who doesn’t pay for his haloscan comments and that you have to keep ‘em under 1000 characters.

5. I learned that gate attendants sometimes behave as if they have something very large and very square lodged waaaayyy up there somewhere. Much like a polygonal, resin tampon.

6. I learned that it IS possible to fall more and more in love with a woman you have never met. Amalah, I am about to come throw rocks at your bedroom window. I am tamponacularly yours.

7. I learned that Lee is absolutely right: you simply cannot do haiku without counting on your fingers. He offered to let me dictate mine to him over the white courtesy telephone, but I couldn’t pull it off. It was too hard to think, dictate, laugh, and count on my fingers, all while cradling a courtesy phone and trying to avoid the curious stares of fellow travellers. I am certain that those two business men were witnessing one of those phones in use for the very first time in their lives.