TheMommyBlog

Seriously, reveal yourself, Allen Funt. Anyone can fake a death. I'm onto you.

So! Drop off this morning! The kids' school is smack in the middle of a residential neighborhood—literally—and the morning and afternoon school runs can get a little crowded. Especially as the street is a typical, two-lane, I'll move over if you scoot over and we can pass each other kind of street. With cars parked up and down both sides of the street because only 1.2 children walk to school and we're all trying to make that first bell.

I miraculously arrived fully five minutes before the bell and found a space on the curb, so I actually walked the kids to their classrooms.

"Mommy, where are all Daphne's classmates?"

"We're early, baby, they're not all here yet."

"Ohhhhhh." Wonderment.

Of course, when I got back to the car, I had one of those school-made "Don't park here! It's for loading and unloading only!" flyers under a wiper. I plucked it out, checked the traffic and pulled out. You can't go more than three miles an hour here because there are kids coming out of everywhere, and moms dashing across the street, and others pouring out of cars. I was not fifty feet down the road when someone swung open the door of an SUV right out in front of me. And I don't mean opened a crack so that you could just squeeze in; I mean, flung open past that intermediate point of half-open, directly to open all the way, talk to the hand.

Of course, I nearly took that door off. And smushed the hell out of my fender where it caught on the edge. UGH. We were very calm and nice about it, and I suggested we write our information down on the handy "Don't park here! It's for loading and unloading only!" flyers we each now had. I was so happy she wasn't hurt, and that her child wasn't crying, and that we were able to determine that the door would open and shut so she could drive it home; that door was messed up.

But get this: since there was damage on the inside of the door (say, when my fender had caught the corner and bent the door backward like a mean older brother bending back your wrist) it's technically my fault. If the door had been, say, partly open, I would have missed it or skimmed the side, and then it wouldn't be my fault. But noooo. These were big, heavy SUV doors that made a statement when they swung open. They hitched up their pants and spit tobacco juice off to the side.

And of course, Marie, my best mom friend, was standing right there with a horrified look on her face. We both knew it was the absolute last thing I needed, and she went totally out of her way offering help and to pick up the boys, and to follow me home, and make me cookies. Actually, she didn't offer cookies but maybe she'll remember her manners next time.

And why is it that when you ask that rare favor of your mom you never really know how big a deal it is? I called her, she wasn't going into the office today, could she pick Daphne up from Kindergarten (Marie would get the boys)? "Sure! No problem. I'll be there!" And she was, after DRIVING UP FROM CAPITOLA. None of this, oh, we're at the beach house, wish we could help, just sure! I love you mom. But if you'd wrecked on 17 getting here I would never have forgiven myself.

Long story short (or not freakishly long), it'll be a five hundred dollar deductible plus a rental car. A Hyundai. To round out the day. Did I mention that I was able to drop the car at the body shop and pick up the rental only because Phil was here in the middle of the afternoon and could stay with the kids? His car died and he needed to be here when it was towed to my house. So now we're both driving rental cars, but he has to buy a new car before turning his in. The old one has hit that tipping point where it would cost as much as it's worth to fix it up, which is a damn shame because it's a gorgeous Audi that's perfect inside and out. It's just that pesky engine.

I can't wait to do the school run in the morning with an unfamiliar car that is bigger than my Volvo in just about every way. The kids may have to walk the last half mile so I don't have to run the SUV gauntlet and be caught wrecking again, this time in a HYUNDAI.