The Mommy Blog | Adventures from the Wonderbelly of Motherhood

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

“I just don’t understand, Mommy..”
~ Miss R

Well, I was going to write on several other subject matters this evening, such as my trip; the fact that the program directors at the WB have their asses up their heads; how foolhardy my brother-in-law can be..all excellent writing fodder, guaranteed for at least 965 good words.

Instead, I found myself dealing with a broken heart, which also brought back a flood of feelings to me. Not so good feelings. The kind you think you’ve gotten over years ago, but when they are revisited upon you, through your own children, they are 100 fold worse, because you know, and truly there is not a damn thing you can do about it, except hold your tongue and hold your child.

Miss R has had a ‘best friend’ since she was about 3. Since this child is the daughter of one of my best friends, well, it makes it more awkward to address to the parent over the whole situation, because, fundamentally the two of us are divided on the subject matter. And we’ve been through this same kind of situation before, just 4 years ago, so the subject is sore for me.

At any rate, Syd the Kid and Miss R are ‘on the outs’. The reason? Another close friends daughter, AM. Now AM has always been a child who craves attention, good or bad. She has always been claiming that she’s being ignored or someone is being mean to her, etc. In actuality, she enjoys taking “A” and “B” and pitting them against one another..

So, AM and Syd the Kid are now attending the same school, and hanging with the same kids and both have ‘boyfriends’, who are friends.

This has not been a problem for Miss R, because she has continued making the effort to do things with both girls, independently, because SHE realizes how AM can be..I think jealous would be another way to describe it?

The last two Tuesdays my daughter has returned home from Church Group in tears. Both Syd and AM have decided, intentionally or not, to leave Miss R out. Of conversation, of stories, of Church Group, whatever..my child is feeling left out. And it hurts.

I just held her tonight and explained to her that sometimes girls are like this and they go through rough patches, but friends always find a way, and that things will work themselves out in the end. I reminded her of all her friends at HER school, and how she does fun things with them, like Flag Corp and Choir and silly other things.

Sure, it’s expected that the girls will drift apart a bit..drift, though, not leave one adrift.

The two mothers involved, or rather NOT involved, both have the same philosophy of ‘letting the girls resolve it themselves.” Well, yeah, that’s all fine and dandy, unless it is your child who is coming home with tears and hurt feelings..from CHURCH group, no less.

You know, I tried to let B resolve a similar situation a few years back, and what happend was he lost LOADS of self-esteem and had to be put on anti-depressants for two years. He still is awkward in social situations, because of his former ‘best friend’, who decided for no particular reason one day to (1)dump him and (2)make his life a living hell in the process.

So, bitter? Yeah. A little.

The suckiness of it all is just beyond explanation. I don’t even know if I’m making any kind of sense, because I can remember going through the same kind of situation when I was a ‘tween’ with two girls: Carolyn Freeman and Dee (I swear I’m not making this one up) Stump. Carolyn was my best friend and Dee couldn’t stand it..Syd was my daughter’s best friend and AM couldn’t stand it.

This whole’ muddling through life’ can suck almost as much as teenage girls can suck.

In the meantime, I can hold her and love her and talk to her and I can encourage her to let the other girls know how she feels about they way she is being treated..and stand up for herself. Not so easy, as I’m not a big fan of confrontations.

Miss R will get over it. Or she will think she has, until she has children of her own, one day. Maybe she’ll have figured out a bit of wisdom along the way to ease the sting of the pain for her and her child too. I know I’m searching for the words to ease her little broken heart.

submitted by the fortyish fatale

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Mindy said on...
04.07.04 at 04:48 PM |

*peeking round corner to see how things are going*

Weeelll, I think I will let today run its course (gulp)… okidokes? *sweats a bit*

said on...
06.15.06 at 11:32 AM |

I myself went through a similar situation when I was a tween and unfortunately at the time I lost my best friend forever. I later found it was rather fortunate because who wants friends who will dump you so quickly for someone new (sounds sort of like a few friends ex-husbands I know). Any way I understand the gut wrenching pain you went through with your daughter since my six year old just came home last night and told me that no one will sit with her at lunch. The two little girls she is GREAT friends with actually get up and move away from her if she sits by them. I had a heck of a time not telling her to just pinch the fire out of them for being such nasty little girls, or calling their mothers to tell them they had actually failed in raising decent human beings. Instead I held her while she cried and told her about my experiences and reminded her that it will not feel alright today, but someday down the road she will realize they were not the kind of friends she wanted to sit with at lunch anyway.

Best of luck with your little lady; if life is already this traumatic for my 6 year old I cant only hyperventilate at the thought of the teen drama to come.

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