My son came to me after a long weekend of open house events here. For two days, we’ve wandered from our house to dad’s house to Guy’s house, to Grandma’s and to the baseball field to kill time while people scrutinize our house for imperfections that might leverage a lowball offer. I hate these weekends, because it’s necessary remove any sort of evidence that people live here. Better to look like a Hilton when selling a home, right? *eyeroll*
“Mom, have you seen my DS? I left it on my dresser.”
“Nope, I think I’d remember that.”
“You sure you didn’t put it somewhere? And did you ever find that game I was asking about the other day?”
“Hon, have you ever looked at your bedroom today and compared it to your bedroom of the last eleven years? There were PILES OF CRAP EVERYWHERE that had to be sorted and moved so that we could make it look nice. When we move and unpack boxes, you’ll get to look for it, but I’m not opening boxes in the POD to search for something that MIGHT be in a box out there. When did you last see it, anyway?”
“Two years ago.”
Good Christ Jemimy on a syrup bottle.
“Two years?”
“Yeah, maybe we should think about buying a new one.”
“Maybe not.”
“Why?’
“Look, we have to clean up this place for two days a week. We need to put the important things—”
“But do you think the Realtors moved it?”
My voice went up a notch. “Babe, you’re going to have to learn how to let me finish a sentence if you want to hear an answer.”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
“I was just trying to say that there is no way the Realtors moved it, and that I wouldn’t have just put it somewhere else, I would have handed it to you and asked you to put it in your backpack or something. And if you’d waited for me to finish, you’d have heard that sooner.”
He looked ready to cry.
“Hon, look at me. Why are you so upset?”
“Because I’m afraid of what might happen.”
“What? Are you afraid of me?”
He didn’t answer.
“Have I ever hurt you or given you a reason to be afraid of me?”
“No.”
“Then I don’t understand. What have I done to you?”
“It’s not what you’ve done to me, it’s what you’ve done to yourself.”
My heart stopped.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re just so stressed out lately I’m afraid of what might happen if things don’t get better soon. I’m afraid you’ll explode or something.”
Oh. My. God.
“Baby, I’m not going to explode. I lose my temper sometimes, and I’m sorry about that. I’m not going to fall apart, I promise. We’re all safe. We are going to be just fine, okay, baby?”
“Okay.”
“Oh, hon, I’m so sorry you’re thinking things like that. It’s too much for a child, you’re not supposed to worry about taking care of your parents. I’m sorry. We’re fine. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Man. I’m sorry.
See the video of us mom bloggers in Cabo (below)! So nice not to be scripted. Lovely operation, first class.
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03.14.10 at 08:00 PM |
Funny thing ( well, not funny I guess) is that you are amazingly resilient. I guess he doesn’t have enough experience to realize that. Some day he’ll look back and the “wow” will come from him because he’ll realize what an amazing job you did keeping the balls in the air.
03.14.10 at 11:28 PM |
Patience is still one of the best virtue to keep in any relationship. Incredible post! Love it! By the way, Kids just like yours can be the leaders in our homes for saving money and the planet. Help 1MM youth save $100 at home for a total of $100MM. Look out Parents, here we come … Support Green My Parents: The Youth Movement to seed the Green Economy! Earn over $100 at home for families and save the Planet! So vote for 1 million youth to win $250k at http://pep.si/vote4gmp then join us on Facebook at http://bit.ly/gmp2fb. Thanks a lot!
03.15.10 at 01:02 AM |
You sound like a great mom: human, open, aware. And it sounds like your son really loves you.
03.15.10 at 06:09 AM |
Hugs to you, Mindy. Some kids are worriers, and are so sensitive they can pick up on things we think they don’t. Plus he may feel like exploding….and probably doesn’t realize how long you have been feeling this level of pressure. You are a terrific Mom, and he will be okay, and so will you.
03.15.10 at 08:32 AM |
I know how you feel. I have two children that feel the need to watch my stress level. They are both high-strung so I have to be extra careful to respond calmly to ANY situation when they are around. Yes, it is tiring but worth it. I can’t have them worrying already!
03.15.10 at 09:45 AM |
Hey, lighten up already. Are you really supposed to be fluttering around lightfooted right now?
You have kids that LOVE you so they’re going to pick up on when you get stressed. I think if you are plugged in emotionally as a family then kids pick up on the highs and lows of life.
You cannot, CANNOT have one without the other. Besides….how do they understand/appreciate good times without the bad? Sunny days without rainy days? The important thing is your kids talk with you honestly. The good thing is that they see us come unglued and glue ourselves back together again. Without props and crutches.
03.15.10 at 09:50 AM |
Okay this is Badass Resentful Cut the Crap Already former Realtor and Wife of Recovering Homebuilder…remember me?
STOP with the Open houses. Its nothing but a form of busywork to keep you and your realtor spinning so you think like you’ve pulled out all the stops in a shitty real estate market.
I’d commit to one open house ONE day a month for a 3 hour window.. Open houses do NOT sell homes. I never EVER sold the house I did an open house on. I used them to pick up buyers. And slutty little Realtor Me was quite the pickup artist at my open houses. With Buyers. Of OTHER houses. Not the one I seduced them in.
03.15.10 at 10:19 AM |
It’s a lot for your kids to be going through right now with the house for sale. It’s another life-changing event that they don’t want. Kids worry about things we don’t expect them to, death, divorce, money troubles… You did the right thing by communicating with him. Keep an eye on him so he knows Mom loves him no matter what. Good luck!
03.15.10 at 11:33 AM |
Wow. Just wow. Those kiddos really love you. And dang, they are honest. Hang in there, you are doing much better than you think you are.
03.15.10 at 01:20 PM |
I’m always stunned by just how damn amazing your relationship is with your kids (and vice-versa). To create an environment and a family where this kind of discussion can happen without finger pointing or blame is HUGE.
It’s a tough time for everyone right now - you and them - but your relationship with them is way stronger and way more important than any bricks, mortar or bank balance.
Love ya.
03.15.10 at 05:07 PM |
A moment of horror that all parents hear at some point. The best we can all do is say we’re sorry and rethink our behavior.
Moving is stressful as hell. We did that dance for six months with two year old and infant. We had to move out on a dime if some prospective buyer was interested in looking. And we were also looking for a new house ourselves. Tough times!
You’ll get through it. Hopefully soon!
Interesting way your son brought that topic up. He sounds pretty in touch with his feelings. Good for him! See you’ve done something right! :)
ps. I thought our most recent post might be interesting to some of your momversation readers. “Daddies and Daughters” No biggie, just thought I’d mention it if you wanted to do a link on there. OK, fine, I’m asking, but I’m used to rejection, so seriously, you can just say the rest of the gang vetoed The Guys!!
03.15.10 at 06:09 PM |
This too shall pass. And it sounds as though you’ll be watching it go together. It’s all you can ask for.
03.26.10 at 01:16 AM |
i did the right thing by communicating with him. Keep an eye on him so he knows Mom loves him no matter what. Good luck!