My voice is raw from corralling the kids and my neck and shoulders are killing me from my nose dive into the steering wheel, so I emailed him instead of calling. The best part? It doubles nicely as a post:

I’m so sorry I didn’t get to call you - it was one long march of homework, dinner, baths, hurry up, get dressed to go to school for star gazing night for which Dylan gets a homework pass, get there and it’s too foggy to see anything, so hang around and talk with the teachers and principal while trying to get the kids off the monkey bars in the dark, come home, fold laundry while the kids sing karaoke, then they all have trouble taking turns and finally Daphne loses it because Logan tries to get close to the mike and when she complains his head’s in the way he says, “You don’t have to be able to see - you can’t read” and she flees to her room sobbing, then Gil comes to get Logan because he has to get up at five for hockey practice at six at the Logitech rink in SJ before school, I cannot believe THAT is happening, and then there are all sorts of tears saying goodnight to Daddy, and I can’t get Daphne to go to her bed or mine, Logan is finally out the door with his shorts on his head but not until he’s absolutely sure I’ve noticed, while Dylan is sneaking onto the computer and immediately apologizing when I see him, and I finally get everyone calm, convince Dylan that he is not the worst kid in the world and that it’s not true that I don’t want to be around him, what is he, nuts? and that I really do love him but his behavior makes me nutty, finally everyone is happy and then Dylan marches into my room and announces he’s sleeping there, so Daphne flees to her room again, I tell her, no, go back, it’s your turn tonight, Dylan get in your bed, and Daphne is inconsolable because she “can’t even sleep in her own bed” because I won’t let her, and waaaaaahhh!

And… I’m spent.

Hey, this is a post. I’m going to read in bed. I love you.

With stars like Jessica Alba and Heidi Klum sashaying down the red carpet mere weeks after giving birth, Maggie Mason from Mighty Girl wonders if there are unrealistic expectations about losing pregnancy weight. So, is it the baby… or is it the fries? What do you think? How long did it take for you to lose the baby weight? When should this become a priority? Join in the Momversation by commenting below or in our related forums:

• Strange things people say when you’re pregnant
• How long did it take you to lose the pregnancy weight?

After dinner but before dessert, I offered to go pick up one of the kids from a birthday party so that everyone could be part of the smash and smush angel cake surprise. What’s that? Well. My mother, the woman who never kept sweets in the house and fed us Familia Swiss Muesli until we were old enough to buy our own damn cereal, planned to have the kids slather an angel food cake with freshly whipped cream, bust up a pile of candy canes with a hammer, and sprinkle the debris all over the cake. What kid in his right mind wouldn’t want to be handed a hammer, candy, and whipped cream and told to get busy?

So I borrowed my ex’s Expedition (just to drive it again—it used to be mine), drove to the friend’s house, got out and stepped in a puddle, couldn’t remember the address, drove back home, picked up the school directory, drove back up the street to the party, got out of the car, stepped in the same puddle, and collected my child.

As I grabbed the “oh shit” handle and hoisting myself up into the SUV, my wet clog went flying off the running board and I fell forward at Mach 3 and, luckily, broke the fall with my neck. On the steering wheel.

“Mom, are you okay?”

“Mmmmfhhm.”

“Where are you? Where did you go?”

“I’m down here, babe, I slipped. Let’s go back to Grandma’s.”

So I was just sitting here watching Armageddon on TV, rubbing my neck to get the muscles to relax a bit, when I felt a DENT in my SKULL.

I’m changing my stage name to Klutzina McSlipsky.

Forbes Magazine recently named the top ten influential celebrity babies. So, Daphne Brogdon of Cool Mom asks the panelists, why the obsession with celebrity kids? Why do you think people are curious about celebrities’ children? Are you interested? Should the personal lives of celebrities be fair game for gossip? Join the conversation by leaving a comment below or participating in our related forums:

• Celebrity vs. Person
• Celebrity Adoptions

SingStar Legends brings you a compilation of chart-topping hits backed by actual music videos from some of the biggest bands and artists in history including Marvin Gaye, Patsy Cline, Jackson 5 and The Police. Featuring a legendary track list, SingStar Legends includes 30 chart-topping singles such as ‘What’s Goin On?’, ‘Crazy’, ‘Roxanne’ and many more. Players can choose to steal the spotlight with a solo performance in single-player mode or share the stage with multiplayer options including cooperative Duet Mode, one-on-one Battle Mode and the team-based Pass-the-Mic. For more information on SingStar Legends visit playstation.com.

They’re all gone! Thanks for such speedy responses!

GM Covered With Giant Tarp Until It Has Money To Work On Cars Again

DETROIT—The General Motors Corporation announced Monday that it has covered its main production plant with a 500,000-square-foot blue tarp until it can get some revenue together to work on its cars again. “The rear-axle assembly line is all out of whack, and the carburetor department needs a complete rebuild,” CEO G. Richard Wagoner, Jr. said while wiping his hands with an oily rag. “It’s going to be at least a $50 billion job. Goddamn piece of shit American car industry.” According to Wagoner, the automotive giant spent its last $18 on cinder blocks to help secure the tarp.

Related stories:

• Chrysler Names ‘83 LeBaron CEO September 8, 2008
• New Strain Of Jet Lag Devastates Airline Industry August 24, 2005

The holidays are here! Asha Dornfest of Parent Hacks asks how other moms deal with the stress and fatigue of holiday travel with kids. What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year? What are your tips for how to make the holiday season less stressful?

Related Forums:

• How are you celebrating the holidays this year?
• Traveling with kids

Rule 1. Life is not fair; get used to it.

Rule 2. The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3. You will NOT make $ 40 000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping:—they called it opportunity.

Rule 6. If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes. Learn from them.

Rule 7. Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So, before you save the rainforest from the parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8. Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9. Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off, and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10. Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

Nothing in life is free.

Decide what you want in life, and then start the hard work of making it happen.