TheMommyBlog

Thursday, July 03, 2008 Me, Me, Me, Other people who write, Bad Mood Dude, BlogHer

I just checked in with my (way too) many profile pages, and on LinkedIn, I had a message that July 2 was the last day to register for BlogHer. That would have been great information to have YESTERDAY.

This is the first BlogHer conference I’ll have missed, and that’s sad. I was there at the beginning, stuffing binders and helping to fill in when audio failed during the keynote.

Even worse, it’s in my area this year, an hour up the Peninsula in San Francisco. Phil’s stomping grounds. Jesus H. Barnacle Christ in a potato sack.

I wouldn’t have been able to go anyway, especially as the collection call from the hospital this morning claimed the last remaining funds in my bank account.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going now. Not to BlogHer, of course, but just over there, on the couch. I’m finding Julie Kenner’s Play.Win.Survive trilogy to be quite the escape these days.

(Seriously, I thought the Demon Hunter series was great, but this is something else altogether! Think DaVinci Code meets Devil Wear Prada meets The Matrix. Fashion, assassins, sex, and cryptology. What’s not to love?)

Thursday, July 03, 2008 Children's Health, Women's Health, Moms Like Us, PPD Resources

My best friend is pregnant with her second, and as always is Janie on the Spot with helpful backup. She sent me a couple of emails that are sent to her weekly from WhatToExpect.com. I don’t have the direct link to the articles so I’ll quote them here:

WEEK 11: DEPRESSION DURING PREGNANCY
“Could I have postpartum depression before the baby’s even born?
It’s not easy being blue — especially when everyone around you is expecting you to be rosy pink and giddy with excitement. The truth is, depression during pregnancy is as common — even more common, according to some studies — as postpartum depression is (though the postpartum variety gets all the press). And it’s no wonder. After all, pregnancy is a life-altering (not to mention body-altering) experience that can throw even the most eager parent-to-be emotionally off-kilter. The physical changes alone can take a tremendous toll (it’s hard to be giddy with excitement when you’re feeling crappy with morning sickness, fatigue, heartburn, fatigue, constipation, fatigue, bloating.…). Coupled with the emotional stress that pregnancy (and the upcoming transition to parenthood) can bring, it’s a recipe for depression — a recipe that’s shared by more than ten percent of expectant women.

No one knows for certain what causes pregnancy depression, but it’s almost a sure bet that those raging hormones play a significant role (just as hormone fluctuations can wreak premenstrual emotional havoc). Relationship problems, complications in the pregnancy (or a high-risk pregnancy), a history of fertility difficulties or pregnancy loss, or stressful life events (such as trouble at work or death of a close family member) can add to the strain. Depression is also more likely if you have a history (or a family history) of depression, or if you suffer from pronounced PMS.

Often, it’s difficult to diagnose depression during pregnancy because its symptoms mirror so many “normal” pregnancy symptoms: sleep and appetite changes (and every pregnant woman has those!), loss of interest in sex (ditto), anxiety, inability to concentrate, and general emotional instability. What’s not normal is to feel consistently sad, hopeless, or generally uninterested in life — especially if such feelings are keeping you from eating properly, sleeping regularly, or otherwise taking good care of yourself. To help you sort out whether your feelings are a result of normal pregnancy-related emotional changes, or whether they’ve progressed to depression, speak to your practitioner.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008 Children's Health, Women's Health, PPD Resources

A reader asked me this question, and I couldn’t respond fast enough, because I could almost feel the uncertainty and fear in her words. I’ve been there. And so have a million others, though few have the courage or courtesy to say it to your face. Then you end up feeling like a freak. It is my personal mission to prevent unnecessary freak-feeling wherever I can.

Q:Is it normal to have postpartum before giving birth?

A: I would say so! Depression is depression; it doesn’t wear a watch or check the calendar. There is so much going on in a pregnant woman’s body that it’s a testament to our species that we survive the process at all.

Post Partum Depression is what they call it when it persists for more than a few weeks or months after birth. It’s a narrow definition. For instance, I had it after I lost a twenty-week pregnancy and my milk came in even without the baby, then had it with my first, was just getting over it when the second came along, and then it rode straight on into the next pregnancy nine months later and still hasn’t gone away. We can’t call it PPD anymore, technically, but that’s when it started and now it’s plain ole depression.

It’s normal to feel this way while pregnant, and it can be hard when you don’t see anyone else going through it. Hormones and chemical turmoil do plenty to throw us off and not see clearly, and the prospect of having a baby to take care of can be as terrifying as it is thrilling.

Here’s a mantra: motherhood starts before the birth, and the pregnancy doesn’t end with the birth. You’re as good as pregnant for at least three months after birth as your body readjusts and continues to work overtime nourishing the baby. It’s just that the baby is on the outside now. The important thing is that you realize it, and try to find a safe place to vent without being judged, and if you want to write to me, you’re absolutely welcome.

They say that a pregnant woman is as different, physiologically, from a non-pregnant woman as a woman is from a man. It’s like a third gender. And it feels like it, doesn’t it?

I’m really glad you wrote and asked that question, because I thought about that exact thing so many times and didn’t know how to ask anyone. I would like to post this for others who might have the same questions, keeping you anonymous of course, anything you say to me is confidential. But I think this is important.

If you’re up to reading, these books will definitely give you perspective. They literally saved my life.

• The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy
• The Parent Trip
• The Girlfriend’s Guide to Surviving the First Year
• The Nursing Mother’s Companion
• The Expectant Parents’ Companion
• The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning
• The Pregnancy Book: Month-by-Month
• The Birth Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Safe and Satisfying Birth
• The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two
• The Attachment Parenting Book

Good luck, and let me know how you’re doing…

Mindy

Tuesday, July 01, 2008 Familybits

To: Mindy
From: Ex

There’s a potluck BBQ on Sunday to celebrate the boys’ great success in the All Star tournament.

Min, do you have a preference? There are several times we’re voting on.

Nope.

this will be followed by fireworks and a ticker tape parade down Main street…

...For which there will be twelve three-hour practices.

are you sure it’s not 3 12 hour practices? I just want to be sure…

Tuesday, July 01, 2008 Bad Mood Dude, Familybits

The entire household has gone TILT and none of us can see straight.

The All Star tournament is over; Logan’s team lost the penultimate game last night and were out of the running when they were this –> <– close to winning it all. All I could think was, no more two hour practices every day that meant pulling everyone out of camp three hours early (and cutting my workday short by that amount) and spending evenings and weekends at games. I love my son and support his passions, but am not shy about voicing concerns that the family needs balance and priorities that reflect the presence of THREE children, not to mention the parents. One sport had us entirely subsumed, and that was unsustainable.

So of course the second this tournament ended, the coached suggested another. Just two more weeks of practice and then a three day junket to Albany, CA. Does anyone know where Albany, CA is? I sure don’t and that makes me think that it is very, very far away, someplace I have not had opportunity or inclination to visit in the twenty two years I’ve lived here. Predictably, I said, flat out, NO, we need a break, my ex said maybe, and Logan told his coach he’d love to play.

*Cue head exploding* So much for a united front.