TheMommyBlog

Sunday, August 10, 2008 Familybits

That’s right, I’ve gone on the first leg of my great journey to Beijing. To LAX. But not for just any old layover! No! We will spend the night in a hotel, get up at oh-dark-thirty to hop a flight to San Francisco (waving to my house as we fly over), and THEN over the Pacific to China.

Made me tired just typing that again.

I’ve lined up a few posts so it won’t be so dull while we’re gone; I hate to come back to cobwebs. Oh! Reminds me: put on an out of office reply! I get scads of email from you knuckleheads as it is; lord knows what it will be like after not checking it or clearing it out for six whole days. I’m hoping to come back a new person, the kind of person who doesn’t think about checking email, who can turn her computer off for hours at a stretch, who doesn’t really care about being wired 24/7.

But then I’d never know if someone wants me to come in for a job interview. See? I can’t win.

Speaking of low- or no-tech, Dylan brought home a project from his carpentry class at camp this week. I knew it was going to be a box, but I didn’t know it would be a BOX. A BOX THAT HOLDS THINGS. And not just any old thing: it’s made especially for his Nintendo DS. That’s right, it’s a DS Box. It opens on two sides for quick and convenient access, and folds right back up so that it’s almost impervious to the elements. Perhaps its best feature is the labeling. You will never wonder, “What’s that box for?” or, “I wonder what’s in that box?” Nope, he’s got that covered from all angles.

Sunday, August 10, 2008 Familybits

One of the first things Phil and I will do is plan our attack for the Great Wall of China. Well, not an attack ON the wall, just to get to the wall. And maybe kick it a few times.

Phil sent me a link to an article written by a reporter who climbed the two thousand (or one thousand - can’t get a straight answer) steps up to the top. Kevin Manahan is my kind of guy, making it totally unnecessary for me to write my own account. His is already better. And funnier.

Climbing China’s Great Wall: blood, sweat, jeers
by Kevin Manahan / Newhouse News Service
Saturday August 09, 2008, 12:12 AM, Cleveland.com

No one seems to know exactly how long the wall is. The China Tourist Bureau says 3,950 miles. The Encyclopedia Britannica says 4,500 miles. Scholar Arthur Waldron, who has studied and written extensively about the wall, says its length “can’t really be determined.” And no one seems to know how long the Mutianyu climb is. One thousand steps. Two thousand. Maybe more. People who should know are guessing. Zeng, who insists he has made the climb, predicts it will take 45 minutes.

We begin.

The first set of stone staircases rises steeply to the sky, and I’m determined to count every step. But somewhere around 1,127, with my heart jabbing the Under Armour logo on the breast of my T-shirt, I lose count. My head is spinning. My clothes are drenched. I am gasping like Paris Hilton at a couture fashion show. The Great Wall of China has become the Great StairMaster.

President Bill Clinton came to Mutianyu in 1998, and as I was trudging up the mountainside I wondered how that chubby, Big Mac-eating dude made it up these steps. He didn’t. There on the side of a cable car is his name and date of visit. Call it Gondola One.

Why did he come to Mutianyu? Maybe for the breathtaking views. Maybe because it’s less crowded than Badaling and offered less of a security risk. But Zeng had his own theory: “There used to be a KFC here.”

... When I catch my breath, I call my wife and two sons, and, from the top of the world, boast of my accomplishment. I describe my greatest athletic achievement since I won the mile run on Field Day at Lafayette Junior School because Aaron Barber got a cramp.

“We’re so proud of you,” they say.

A pregnant woman walks past me.

“Uh, I’ll call you later,” I say.

See? Put my face on that guy and you’ll have the whole story. I’m beginning to think I need to pack trainers in addition to my sandals so I won’t have to chop my legs off at the ankles to take care of the blisters. But the only pair I have are those “walk fit” kind where the heel sits a bit lower than the toe, creating a more vigorous and painful experience. I wore them for four days in NJ for the Johnson & Johnson meeting and literally fell over from shin splints two blocks from the hotel. How long am I gonna last on the Great Wall??

Something like ten thousand Chinese died building and repairing this wall over the centuries. My guess is that it did the job, but was it overkill?

I mean, Hadrian’s Wall is sixteen to twenty feet tall, was built in about six years, and kept a few raiding parties out. Twenty feet’s enough, don’t you think? We’re talking Scotsmen here. Kilts would ride up, thirst would take over.

Scout: “What were those English bampots thinking, that we’d climb this mingin bit of rubble with our arses to the wind? Dinnae want tae! A dinnieken twas here! Ats tae much bather!”

Chief: “Go on! Just huv a wee shooftie tae see if there’s embdi over, or ahl give yi a Collie-buckie.”

“Gonnay no dae that! Already ah wantae boak, doin’ a dreepie! Am’fair peched just looking at the thing. Is nae a pub down the road a tick? Why don’t we stop in for a wee while and then catch a canter?”

“Stoap acting like a big jessy or ah’ll hit ye wi that hauf brick!”

“We cannae go back, neane are goin’ tae believe us. What’ll we say? ‘Nae, really, s’true! At wis dead easy! A pure skoosh!’”

‘Oh, aye, an then yer arse fell aff. Awa an hae a wash, yi barkit wee minker! Yer blootered!”

“But ma’ fit wis goupin! Ah gie’d it the full bhoona, by the way!”

“Aw did wee diddums dae a big toley in yi keks? Ach, dry yer eyes!’”

But the Chinese, no the Chinese had to make a POINT.

Friday, August 08, 2008 Children's Health, Women's Health, Fellow Parenting Authors

Remember when a bunch of mom bloggers went to Cincinnati to visit with Pampers? Remember? No? The runs through O’Hare, the broken eyeglasses, the falls out of the limo? Still nothing?

Well, you’ll remember this, by golly. I designed a new widget for donations to the “Support UNICEF’s Maternal and Neonatal Tetanus” effort, to be displayed on our sites.

Not one of us walked away from our visit with UNICEF USA’s CEO Caryl Stern unaffected by her descriptions of the thousands of preventable neonatal and maternal deaths from Tetanus, a totally preventable disease. The cost of a single vaccine? Five cents. There was no question we weren’t going to do something about it.

Lifesaving Immunization for Children

Every since its first tuberculosis campaign in 1947, UNICEF has been a leader in global immunization. Today we provide vaccine to 40 percent of the world’s children and help save two million lives a year. But thousands of children still die needlessly every day from diseases like measles, polio, or tuberculosis. UNICEF is committed to vaccinating every single child against preventable childhood diseases.

When war or natural disaster strikes, we do whatever it takes to get children immunized. We help broker ceasefires so that we can enter a war-torn region and vaccinate its children. After a disaster, we go door-to-door in the remotest areas to distribute lifesaving vaccines.

Here is the widget, which also has a home in the sidebar. Our hosts have really gone the extra mile and created a page just for us where you can make a donation and receive a tax reciept on the spot. Pampers will track the donations that come through this widget, so we can see how well we’re doing to support the cause.

To get an idea of how important that is to us, have a look at the video of Mr. McCleary’s (of Pampers) visit to Angola to see UNICEF’s progress with tetanus vaccines.

Dig around and see how many nickels you have laying around, and then think about each one of those saving a mom’s or baby’s life. And pass our links around so we can get this thing to go viral. If we can’t pull it off, who can? Who care more about moms and babies than other moms and babies? You can make a difference, and save twenty lives for each dollar. I just donated fifty dollars, and you know what a commitment that is for me right now.

Let’s take Tetanus out of the equation - having children is hard enough without knowing just how slim the chances or survival are without proper care and vaccination.

Thursday, August 07, 2008 Me, Me, Me, Bad Mood Dude, Familybits

Honestly. I want someone to fess up. Did we or did we not as a family commit some kind of atrocities in a former life? Because Karma is kicking our ass, and handily. Somebody get on it, stat. I want a report on my desk in the morning.

I just heard from someone who shall remain nameless to respect privacy (but we used to be married), that the company that had changed hands more often this year than a blood diamond, just issued him, FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A ROW, a paycheck for $0. I kid you not. It wasn’t enough that they slashed salaries and are tying up commissions, but this guy’s poor ex-wife is out of work. They can’t get their kittens together, and two families are suffering the trickle-down.

How are we supposed to keep ourselves in Cheerios? How? In the name of God and all His backup singers, HOW??

P.S. I was one of the lucky ones that was halfway through the process of registering for a Clear Verified Identity Pass (so we wouldn’t have to wait in security lines while traveling through every airport on the West Coast), but then they thought they had a security breach and have shut down the applications. So, I’ve paid, but I can’t hop the lines. A Swiss fucking watch.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008 Familybits

The kids and I caught the tail end of Finding Nemo on TV a couple of times this week, and I’d forgotten how funny it was. A lot of the humor is for the grownups; the kids know Marlin’s annoyed with Dory, but don’t always know why. For instance, when they are in the whale’s belly and Marlin starts to panic when the water level goes down.

Marlin: The water’s going down. It’s-it’s-it’s going down!
Dory: Hmm. Are you sure about that?
Marlin: Look! Already it’s half-empty.
Dory: Hmm… I’d say it’s half-full.
Marlin: Stop that! It’s half-empty!

And then someone wrote to me this morning from Smile Therapy, a profoundly cheery site, asking for my feedback. Anyone wanna go get popcorn for this? No, no, I was very nice, but in my present mood I was also totally candid:

Hi,

I know there are a lot of bloggers who would love this and be better at promoting it than I would.  Unfortunately, I’m an incorrigible cynic who manages to put on a sunny face. It just wouldn’t be sincere coming from me, esp considering my present circumstances.

As soon as I hovered over send I felt guilty, so I gave him the URLs of a few blogs that seem to be aligned with his vision. I didn’t expect to hear back. I was wrong.

Mindy,

Got to LOVE your 100% honesty. How Refreshing!!!!!  What’s wrong at present, if I may ask?? Anything I can help out with?? I appreciate the contacts. Will follow up with them.

I should have walked away, I really should have. But I’m feeling entitled to self-pity these days, so I laid it out:

Oh, just unemployed, single mom of three grade schoolers, huge mortgage, like that. I always come through, looking ten years older, but I come through!

And then, I felt a little irritated with myself. Bitch, bitch, bitch. It’s not so bad, I’ve been in worse shape, like when I wasn’t sure if I had breast cancer and had surgery to check it out, or when Dylan was on life support and in an induced coma for ten days when he was only a week old, or when I was in the depths of postpartum depression, the likes of which no one could possibly understand who hasn’t been there herself, or… let’s face it: if you’ve been reading here for any length of time you could finish the list for me.

So, I thought that I’d review the day with OPTIMISM and ENTHUSIASM for a change. Shut up, you in the back.

All the children went obediently to camp this morning after giving me fierce and lovely bear hugs and kisses! I told them that we had been given this week of bible camp free, and that we weren’t going to insult them by not going no matter how agonizing it was to do crafts like painting and wood-burning and only being allowed to use decorations like crosses or “Jesus,” and I couldn’t afford any place else, and I needed to find a job so we could keep our house, eat, sleep in beds, etc. By the way, Logan came home so pleased with himself because he managed to slip a comet into his wood burning craft, and it was allowed because it was close enough to the star over the manger. Took a loooong time to get my face back under control.

I applied for unemployment benefits and will most likely get them! Also, a reader (God, I love you guys) wrote and said she had a friend in the EDD, and asked her about my situation and what I should do to maximize the odds. She went completely out of her way to find out the processes so I would know what to do if denied. I almost cried.

I finally get to try out my grout pen! Daphne dropped a bottle of Bus Stop Red nail polish on the white tiles in the bathroom tonight, after I told her to put it back, stat, because if it got on the floor it would destroy the hardwood. She was terrified to tell me, but I was unbelievably happy it happened on the tile and that she learned her lesson without costing me thousands in refinishing costs.

I’m looking forward to cleaning out the garage! It’s the only way I’ll find that grout pen. I’ve been tripping over it for a year, and now it’s vanished. Poof. Oh! And I’m cleaning out the linen closet! Bus Stop Red is not very kind to white towels or bathmats. However, it did make the glass shards easier to find. Follow the sparkly red trail!

I get to see an old friend tomorrow! He does my life insurance and I have to get my tush in there before I turn forty in order to keep the premium from skyrocketing.

My sheets smell like sunshine! They aren’t quite dry yet, as today wasn’t particularly sunny and the dryer is still broken. The repair man has been here twice, and STILL keeps finding broken pieces. Thank goodness (well, thank Phil) we got a home warranty insurance policy, and it’s only costing sixty dollars. Otherwise, I’d have to wheel that $800 LG to the curb.

I have tons of books to read! But I’m supposed to review them, and my retention isn’t up to par these days. Instead, I found a couple of Danielle Steele paperbacks while cleaning the garage and decided they will be perfect for the twenty-four hour flights to and from Beijing next week.

Speaking of travel, we get to visit four world-class cities between Sunday and Friday! The trip I won to the Olympics had a few non-negotiable stipulations, most notably flights that originate in LA or NY. So, we get to fly from San Jose to LA on Sunday night, spend the night at the airport, and hop an early flight back up to San Francisco for our connection to Beijing. Coming back will be almost as fun, possibly more. Beijing to San Francisco, San Francisco to LA, LA to San Francisco, San Francisco to San Jose. Whee! We could not get around the “Originate in and return to LA” rule, and skipping one or more of the legs will only create security issues I don’t think the good people who are hosting us deserve to have.

How was your day??? Sunshine and kittens? Yay!