TheMommyBlog

Monday, November 03, 2003

I think I am finally able to write about this without gagging. And yes, it’s about fish again. We had friends over for dinner last night, and since they are also Gil’s fishing buddies, we thought we’d serve trout. Mainly because every other time they get together, say, over a campfire, trout isn’t always on the menu.

Parallel track: Logan is still obsessed with Richard Attenborough’s Life of Mammals, especially the meat-eaters episode. He loves to see the bears pounce on the spawning salmon and tear the heads off. He’ll actually say, “Mmmm, I wish I was in the TV so I could eat some of that yummy salmon.”

Back to last night: Logan was very excited about dinner. When it was finally ready (it took almost as long to BBQ as it presumably took to catch; evidently trout are high-maintenance little buggers), he insisted on a whole trout, not cut up, and then asked permission to take it outside and eat it with his hands. NO! Jeeesus, no. I knew exactly what he would be doing on the patio--holding down one end with his paw, and tearing the other apart with his teeth. No, no, no. Hell, no.

As it was, the first thing he asked was , “Can I eat the eye?” Holy mother of God, what is he asking??? I can barely stand the fishy smell as it is, but there is NO way I would be able to kiss him goodnight knowing he’d chewed away on that poor thing’s eye. Then it was, “Well then can I eat the skin?” And then, “Hmmm yummm, I love skin!” I chose the seat that would put my back to the island where he was eating and poured myself a large glass of wine.

By the way, about fishing, but not eating the fish: to be entirely fair, the guys mostly practice catch-and-release fly fishing. This way, they get to be hunters without harming the fish or depleting the supply in the mountain streams near Mt. Shasta. But help me out here. They crimp the barbs on their hooks, I’ll give them that, but how exactly does this prevent harming the fish? Doesn’t having a piece of metal thrust though a cheek, and then being yanked out of the water and suffocated a bit while the hook is removed, count? Do they really think that it’s a fair and mutually participatory sport--that when they hook a fish, the fish says, “Okay, okay, you got me. I thought I was getting away with that, but then you flung me out of the water and I almost shit my scales. Got the hook out yet? [works his jaw back and forth] Great, thanks! Next time I’ll see you first. Put ‘er there. High fin!”

Friday, October 31, 2003

The best part of the entire night, and maybe of the entire week, was getting Gil all suited up like a pregger lady. I dug out my maternity yoga pants and hoodie, and nearly wet myself laughing for forty minutes while I wrestled him into the clothes, stuffed Bear (from the Big Blue House) into his pants, puuuuuulllled the stretchy waistband up over his bump, and strapped a fake baby to him in the Bjorn. It was priceless.

Oh, and the kids. The kids were adorable. But Gil just slayed me.

Quote from Logan, “This is the best day of my entire life!”

Friday, October 31, 2003

I didn’t find this on Squoogy, but only because someone else sent it to me first. I’m ordering all new office supplies.

Friday, October 31, 2003

Gil went digging, and he found the lavendar gingham apron my mom sewed about 30 years ago with leftover fabric from my childhood bedspread (remember those?? They had shirred ruffles all around the edges and you had to line them up just right). I can’t tell if he’s pleased at the great costume idea, or just a weensy bit depressed at this final humiliation.

Friday, October 31, 2003

After days of insisting that Mommy will NOT be dressing up for the festivities tonight, I had an inspiration for a truly terrifying costume: me sporting a third trimester bump. I called Gil and we agreed that it would definitely send our neighbors into a corner, frantically checking with each other to see if it was really possible for me to be pregnant for the 4th time in 5 years. It would be priceless. Then we got to talking, and I thought, hey...I still have a lot of maternity clothes, and some are fairly big...what if GIL went pregnant? It’s the perfect stay-at-home-dad costume. I’ll go looking for a frilly apron at lunctime to put over it, and maybe I’ll wear one of his suits!

If we pull it off, we’ll definitely post pictures.