TheMommyBlog

Saturday, February 27, 2010 Bad Mood Dude, Family

I wasn’t going to write about this because it’s just gross, but it’s starting to sound a little funny, and we’re kicked out of the house for three hours while the open house is going on. We’re at my ex’s house. Hannah Montana is on in one room, and Mario in the other. I’m hunkered in a corner waiting it all out.

So, police tape. I SO WANTED to block off half my house today to keep anyone from wandering back there because I thought there was no way I could make it livable again.

You see, at around two a.m. I heard a child get up and use my bathroom. Yes the other one is still not functional. Shut up. About ten minutes later, I heard sounds in the other bathroom and got worried. There shouldn’t be anything going on in there except baths, and that was NOT water running.

I know I exaggerate for humor but I swear to all that is good and crunchy I am not stretching one syllable. There was no way to get down the hall or into the bathroom without stepping in it. It was UNBELIEVABLE. Just like those cartoons where someone leans in to coo at a baby and the baby fire-hoses him with spit-up. There was a lot of effort going into controlling the fire hose, but it looked like a child actually holding a fire hose and being whipped around by the force.

By the time I skated in there, there was no place to focus other than the little two-gallon metal trash container, and it wasn’t going to hold much more. I just didn’t know what to do or how I was going to get out of there and across the valuable Gabbeh runner between the kitchen and me. No matter. First order of business: wait it out and then deposit child into hot, sudsy bath. When I was sure it was in remission, I stuck my feet one by one into the tub and tiptoed along the tops of the baseboards until I was out of the swamp.

Ok. paper towels, new roll. Tilex. Swiffer mop. Bucket. Oil soap. HazMat suit.

Good gravy, I’ve cleaned up some messes but this was—I know I’ve said this—UNBELIEVABLE. And I couldn’t mutter or swear or I’d further offend my already mortified child.

One hour later—ONE HOUR—I’d cleaned that bathroom like I’ve never cleaned anything before. Walls, baseboards, tiles, grout, you name it. I finally fished my baby out of the tub and into bed. Then I went back for one more sweep.

This morning, It looked and smelled great! Yipee! I win! But wait… something… crap there was still something somewhere. I just couldn’t figure out where.

And then I decided to re-enact it. I went into the bedroom and closed the door. Bingo. The first obstacle. It was ALL OVER the inside of the door. I’m guessing that was the first barrier. Then there was the turn into the bathroom, slipping in the mess, then the closed toilet, then the spin around to hit the 2-gallon decorative waste can. That’s when I walked (slid) in. Mystery solved.

And just enough time to set it right before we left and let the realtors do their thing.

Friday, February 26, 2010 QOTD

How come talking to you reminds me to take my meds?
—Guy

Thursday, February 25, 2010 Me, Me, Me, Other people who write

I am waaaay too pooped to write about the last couple of very eventful days in Provo with BYUTV. I will say that theirs is a first-rate operation, thorough, thoughtful, efficient, helpful, detailed, and a whole lotta fun. First class all the way. THANK YOU.

Had a blast meeting Daphne of Cool Mom (we’ve been on Momversation.com for a year together but this was the first time we’ve been in the same room!), Kadi of Girly Gazette, and Jennie of Bee Hive and Bird’s Nest, and of course, our lovely host, Rebecca Cressman.

Having said that, I will present the rest of the update with my Twitter timeline. No, really, s’funny.

Actually uttered the words junk hole talking to a total stranger about Mormon garments on the flight to Salt Lake. Thank you, #mooshinindy
Feb. 24

Salt Lake: Just got into a new hybrid, couldn’t figure out key. Why? No key. Just shove the remote in. Those younguns.
Feb. 23

Warming some sort of cockles knowing that the weekly Realtor tour is stampeding through my house. Also? I’m at BYU. Which is more unnerving?
Feb 23

Taking whitebread to a whole new level in Provo. White toast, waffles, muffins, rolls, yogurt.
Feb. 24

Venturing out to the wilds of Provo to see Bridal Veil Falls. Heck, it’s only four miles away from the hotel.
about 24 hours ago

Omg. Provo Canyon? Is a CANYON.
about 23 hours ago

I feel like I’m driving on a piece of floss between huge craggy molars and I might bump into the sides of the Canyon.
about 23 hours ago

Crap. I haven’t fishtailed like that in YEARS. Prius? You suck on snowy roads and your traction is for shit.
about 23 hours ago

What a surprise: Bridal Falls is not in season. I saw a sign, no stopping until April 1 as I slid past.
about 23 hours ago

Driving now. Shush.
about 23 hours ago

Holy crap the roads are tough here. My Prius keeps flashing a warning picture with squiggly lines. YES, I KNOW.
about 23 hours ago

That’s it. I am going back to the hotel for a movie in bed. I pulled over just to tell you that.
about 23 hours ago

Strip mall: a laundromat. Think I’ll launder my shorts. Prkd by pizza buffet, $1 store, Armed Forces recruiting office.
about 23 hours ago

Wow, thought that was going to be a nature drive. Instead I was scribbling my last wishes on the flippin Hertz envelope.
about 22 hours ago

A Hwy Patrol passed me while I tried to get out of slush. I thought he’d stop. Was prob tweeting his friends. *snicker*
about 22 hours ago

All dressed and ready for the studio an hour early. Crap. At least am modest. In dress, in dress.
about 20 hours ago

Here at BYUTV with #digitalkadi. She is a better blogger than I am. Got on the network but I can’t with netbook or iPod. #FAIL
about 19 hours ago

@byutv Yes. We’re here waiting on makeup and wardrobe. They’re taking me as I walked off the street, so be it. Shedding on my black sweater.
about 18 hours ago via web in reply to byutv

Just filmed segment with #coolmom who was a scream. Taking a big risk putting us on a couch together.
about 15 hours ago

Just had a Leslie Nielsen moment in the john with mike still on. Very hard to pee with two mikes on your belt. #PEEFAIL
about 15 hours ago

Uuuuuunnnnggghhhyawnghhh
about 5 hours ago

At gate, starbucks in hand. Ran like hell. Who could have predicted sleet? Grateful for an ice scraper in the rental.
about 4 hours ago

And SCENE.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 Me, Me, Me

I’m here in Provo to film a talk show with BYUTV that will air in the fall. I came in a night early so I wouldn’t be walking right from the plane with all its dry air, water-retentionyness, and general travel scum to the studio. Instead, I will be going from my hotel room with all its dry air, water-retentionyness, and general lack of body lotion to the studio. Seriously, no lotion. I am using my precious facial cream on my hands and feet, and the rest of my body can go to hell.

Plus? I got up from a post-breakfast nap and wandered to the slider in my undies (not Mormon undies, more on FB and Twitter about that, actually, more than you need to know, just your run of the mill Catholic school girl undies), pulled back to drapes and there was SNOW on the porch, snow covering the ground, and a river running through the trees behind my room.

Did I bring boots? No.

Did I bring socks? No. You know I never wear socks or nylons.

Am I still going out? Yes! Bridal Falls is four miles away? What was I thinking? I was going to eat the candy bar and microwave popcorn in my hotel gift basket and watch a complimentary movie, but that would mean… say it with me…more dry skin and water retentioyness. So I’m going.

And I’m going like the Irish Catholic school girl I was raised to be: barely prepared and with wet hair. I was never patient enough to dry it all the way and loved the way icicles formed at the back.

At least I’m not wearing post earrings. I did learn something growing up in Chicago..

Wednesday, February 24, 2010 Family, Momversation

Dating is a precarious enterprise.  You might meet a man, date him for three blissed-filled months, and then the bloom falls off the rose… and the man is out of your life.  It’s difficult enough for an adult to handle the ups and downs of relationships, but for kids, meeting the boyfriend too soon can create huge problems.  Suddenly, their new best friend (and potential father figure) Bill is never seen again.  Or maybe John seemed wonderful until he was a jerk to your teenage son… and what child needs a jerk in his life?  So how do you know when it’s the right time for your boyfriend and your children to meet?  Mindy Roberts of The Mommy Blog asks our panelists and guest Maria Young of Immoral Matriarch, “When do you let your kids meet your new man?

How do you introduce your kids to your new significant other?  When is the right time?  And do you have any horror stories?  Join the Momversation by commenting on the episode.